[Another meme by -AGH4ST- ]
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"For once in your life, let someone be there for you."
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Overwhelming joy was the first thing that attacked Eret's senses, which was immediately overshadowed by pure panic. I could practically see it written all over his face, until my vision started to blur.
I went to lift my hand to wipe at my eyes, they were blurry with some kind of sleep.
I couldn't lift my hand.
I made a noise of confusion, only for the noise to burn my throat like cheap liquor. The strain that it simply took to make noises was excruciating. Through cloudy eyes I could make out this was definitely not where I last slept, did I not just respawn? "Tor? Hey Tor I need you to stay awake." Eret was at my side, I couldn't even lift my arms, what the fuck is happening with my body? "You can't fall asleep." He repeated those words like a mantra, and I heard the door open and close, he had left?
I went to lift my arm again, just wanting to wipe the sleep from my eyes so I could see clearly once more. As I felt my arm slowly lift, the limb began to shake with effort, how difficult was it to lift my arm?
It fucking hurt why did it hurt? I just wanted to be able to see clearly again. I didn't even hear the door open again, and I didn't acknowledge people were once again in the room until a rough hand softly held my arm up for me. "What are you tryin' to do, nerd?" Tech's voice was so unbelievably comforting, his tone dropped far lower than usual and the words mere whispers.
I tried to speak but my throat wouldn't even allow me to, how do I explain what I wanted without a voice? I was tired. I began to close my eyes, maybe if I just take a nap I'll wake up okay again. "No, fuck no, you can't sleep again, little crow." Phil was immediately at my side, his voice scolding and waking me up all over again. "It might be bad if you fall asleep right now." He explained, voice almost apologetic.
I blinked harshly, squeezing my eyes shut in yet another attempt to blink away the blur. "Her eyes are clouded over from being asleep for so long, that's why she tried to lift her arm." Eret spoke and I practically sighed that someone understood. I quite literally am almost unable to see right now, it's just blotches of color. I closed my eyes again and heard the door open and close once more.
"Techno is grabbing some eye-drops for ya', mate." Phil said, and I tried to nod in response only for a soreness in my neck to act up, halting the movement. I winced before it set in that my entire body was unbelievably sore whenever I so much as tried to move a muscle.
My brain felt like it was full of fuzz, I then looked around at the two people at my side. What was going on again? Where am I? Who are these people again?
Panic set into my body, to jump up, to run, to anything. But my body wouldn't work how I wanted it to, the movements were slow and excruciating. A hand lightly grabbed at my jaw, keeping my head still. Suddenly a liquid was dropped into my eyes, I blinked it away almost immediately.
Things were clear again. And I saw a hand place a small bottle of eye drops on the bedside table next to me.
I looked around the room frantically, nothing piecing together like I swear it was moments ago. "Can you tell us what your name is?" The blond walked forward, great wings on his back.
I tried to clear my throat, my body recoiling at the pain. "Tia." I replied, eyes still looking around the room. "No, Torva."
"Do you know who this is?" The blond still looked concerned, and I couldn't quite place who he was.
I looked to who he was pointing at, the man had pink hair cascading down his shoulders, and it seemed he was still in pajamas. All of them were in pajamas. I wanted to sit up so I could look at all of them better, but as I tried to prop myself up on my elbows I horribly failed.
I settled for shrugging.
Hurt flashed across the pinkette's face, and he looked away almost immediately. "So, you do not recognize the title 'Blood God'." The blond confirmed, but, I did recognize that title.
That's my best friends name? "That's," I coughed for a moment, pain flaring up as I did so. "That's my friend." I don't think I should talk anymore if I'm being honest, my throat hurt so much from the simple strain and I don't understand why.
"She recognized us just a bit ago, though?" The brunet looked confused, and I could see he had these glowing eyes. My friend has eyes like that.
The blond sighed and the pinkette huffed in response, beginning to speak. "I was worried about this, it's common with people who wake up from a long-term coma. It's called Post-Traumatic Amnesia, her short-term memory and long-term both technically work, but have a disconnect and issues retaining information. She can't recognize who I am, but she still knows who I am." I blinked a few times, analyzing his face as he spoke. Should I recognize him? "Luckily it should only last a week or two at most, and most commonly only lasts a few minutes even or an hour. She'll have issues recalling and making memories, but she will probably have an occasional moment of clarity."
The brunet walked over to me and placed a soft hand on my cheek, at first I leaned into it, only to flinch away. Am I captured here? Are they going to hurt me? "Torva." The brunet spoke slowly, his hand retreating from my cheek. I almost missed the touch. "You're in Technoblade and Phil's cabin, in the Arctic. You've been in a coma for a bit over two months now."
Tech and Phil? Where are they? Where's Eret? "Where the fuck is Eret?" Did the Butcher Army get him? If I've been out for two months that's way too long without protecting the King.
There were looks of shock that spread across the other's faces, before the brunet kindly smiled. "He's safe at their castle, promise."
The blond walked over to me, reaching to my frame. I did my best to back away, and he frowned. "Hey, I'm just going to sit you up against the headboard, okay?"
My brows furrowed and I shook my head, I'm doing this on my own, I don't need some stranger to help me. I propped myself back up on my elbows, my teeth clenching due to the mild pain that shot through my body. I felt so weak, how had I become so weak?
The pinkette propped up a pillow so I could lean against it after sitting up, I shot him a glare. I barely managed to sit myself up correctly, I felt utterly useless. I looked to my left arm to see various IV tubes stuck in the skin, I shakily reached for the devices to pull them out of my arm.
The brunet's hand latched onto my wrist, keeping my hand still. "Do not remove those, darling." His eyes softened and I glanced at him for a moment.
That's strange, nobody has ever called me darling but Eret.
Eret never got to say that he loved me back, I never got to tell him how much I do love him, I never got to express everything I wanted to. I assumed I had just died, I had lost a life and I had just respawned at the castle.
And yet apparently, I'm in a cabin in the Arctic.
A coma? Really?
I mean I suppose it would make sense with the blood loss?
My thoughts felt more tangled up the more I tried to piece everything together.
A glass of water was practically shoved in front of my face, it seems the tallest had left at some point while I was lost in my thoughts. I turned my face away from the cup. I don't have any confirmation that shit wasn't poisoned. "I can take a sip first if you want, to show it's alright." The pinkette offered, pulling the glass back.
"No, you're bigger so it will take more to hurt you." I cleared my throat again after speaking, glancing to the other two men. "The blond, he's smallest."
"Sometimes I hate that I raised you to be so smart." The winged man murmured before grabbing the cup and taking a sip, swallowing and putting the cup back in front of my hands.
I lifted a hand to take the glass, I felt unbelievably dehydrated, and I had mild trust in the water now.
If they wanted to poison me they would have done it already with the IV's in my arm. Plus the blond wouldn't have drank it, unless they all have some sort of immunity which is honestly unlikely.
I tried to lift the glass, I almost dropped it. I had to use both of my shaking hands to hold up the cup, practically drinking the entire amount in a few moments. I looked over to where the eye drops were placed, a small table by the bed. I placed the now empty cup there, managing to not drop the glass. "I'm glad to see ya' awake." The pinkette smiled and I nodded slowly.
My throat hurt a bit less now that it wasn't completely dry, but apparent months of disuse probably wouldn't help my voice much.
Suddenly there was basically stomping outside of the door, someone was running down the hallway. "Who?" I said, the men not looking so much as fazed.
The door flung open, the door handle hitting the wall behind from the force. "I saw your messages, is Big M still awake?!" Tommy screamed and I smiled, someone I knew was here.
"Toms." He smiled as I said his name, pushing the others out of the way and not wasting a second to lean down and wrap his arms around my shoulders. He looks different than I remember, he had various scars decorating his face and his hair was far longer than previous.
Sure, I was still kind of pissed at the kid for what he said. But to be fair, I aided in exiling the teen.
So maybe we were on even ground for now.
I was just kind of happy I recognized someone.
"Oh, you're awake! I'm so happy you're awake!" Tommy began yelling and rambling into my shoulder, blond hair nuzzled into my neck and my body was practically being crushed by his.
"Toms, who are these people?" I whispered it, and the teen slowly pulled away.
His face was contorted in an emotion I couldn't put a name on. "What? These are our friends?" Tommy tilted his head to the side, and the taller blond placed a hand on his shoulder.
He whispered something in Tommy's ear, the younger looking more concerned by the second.
What the fuck were they telling him?
"Hey, what the hell are you telling Toms?" I tried to sit up further, my voice hating me more by the second the more I used it. Though it seems that the fact it was getting use at all after these months probably benefitted it in some form. "Get away from him."
Tommy looked conflicted, glancing between the other three and I. The teen hesitantly moved over so he was at my side again before climbing onto the bed. He moved so he was sitting at my right. I leaned my head onto his shoulder and felt him rest his head on mine.
The clink of metal sounded on my left, I immediately sat up straight and looked to the source of the noise.
A dagger was now on the table, netherite too. "So you feel safe." The pinkette said, motioning for me to take the weapon. He took a few steps back to show he wasn't going to grab it once more. "I'm not goin' to take it again."
I hesitantly grabbed the weapon, letting the familiar weight rest in my palm. Tommy was still practically clinging onto my right arm, and I felt his thumb run over a patch of skin. "This is Quackity's smile." Tommy muttered, and I saw now he was looking at the symbol carved into my arm.
"Yeah, I uh- it's blurry Toms, but I think he did that after they let Eret go." I hesitantly smiled to him, coughing almost immediately from the vocal strain.
Tommy frowned, and I slowly reached for the blond, allowing him to curl into me. I kept the dagger hidden by my hand, yet continued to hold the younger close. "Tommy, call us if anything happens." The brunet smiled and I felt Tommy nod, the three men left with a soft click of the door.
I closed my eyes and fully laid my head against the pillows. "I missed you, I'm sorry." Tommy's words were muffled by my shirt, which was most definitely a different one than I was wearing when I was last awake.
If I heard Tommy softly crying in my arms while I drifted to sleep, I didn't mention it.
This almost made me miss Pogtopia, the nights he would fall asleep cuddled into me. Venting about everything and anything to me, knowing I wouldn't dare tell Wilbur. How I wouldn't so much as whisper when Tommy came to me crying with new insults rattling in his brain and a new insecurity brought to light by his brother.
But things were different now.
He called me a dog, he betrayed me.
I helped exile him, deciding internally to not ask how he had escaped.
Apparently I've been in a coma, and now I'm in the Arctic.
Time moves forward I suppose, but that doesn't change the past. Because if I'm being honest, I don't think time heals all that much.
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I was sat in front of a dining table, looking at the food presented on a plate for me.
They said the first thing I had to do was gain back all the weight I lost, of course I immediately wanted to begin training again. I was not mentally able to handle my muscle being lost. It hurt somehow, looking at my body and not seeing toned muscle with sharp lines. My self image was definitely not very great these past few days. Waking up and finding your appearance was completely different in a way you hated is definitely not enjoyable.
But part of me knew if I tried to start fixing it now, I'd be sick. I can't even use the ladders without minimal help.
So it's been an awkward three days, Phil was usually outside building these cabins, one for himself and one for Eret and I. Also these three days consisted of me nervously avoiding Eret to the best of my ability.
It was shitty of me, I knew that, Gods I fucking knew that. I couldn't stop myself.
Part of me knew we had to talk at some point, I said I had loved him only to fall into a coma without another word. Tech had managed to fill me in on where my mind had blanked that day due to the coma, part of me wished I had forgotten the moment I confessed.
I tried to convince myself the confession was a mistake, a heat of the moment thing. I knew I was going to die, I was going to never be able to become immortal, so in a last stand I confessed a love I didn't have. I drilled into my head it was a mistake.
A beautiful, adoring, gorgeous, lovely mistake.
But a mistake nonetheless.
I'm not a fool.
We both opened a door we can't close again. I can turn my back on it, pretend it doesn't exist. I could do what I did those few years ago after we kissed, avoid the subject until we crashed and burned, leaving Eret with the rubble. But now that door is flung wide open, and I've broken the lock. So nothing is stopping Eret from reaching through it.
That's exactly what he did.
"Your food is getting cold." Eret spoke, glancing up from his plate.
I mumbled something, I couldn't even hear or understand myself. My voice was still destroyed and hoarse even if I had been using it on and off for a few days now. Apparently I had forgotten who everyone was but Tommy when I had first woken up.
I can't even remember that time frame, so three hours were lost to the void and something called Post Traumatic Amnesia stole them.
I shrugged, understanding he probably couldn't even hear me. Normally there would be someone else at the table with us in these last few days, someone to buffer the awkward tension between us both. I could tell Eret was expecting some kind of fairytale wake up call, for me to sit up from the coma and immediately start some kind of relationship with him.
Apparently, I fell short of his expectations.
I'm not shocked I didn't meet the expectations, I'm kind of being a bitch. The mere thought about talking on the topic of romantic feelings makes me squirm. "You have to eat." I nodded and took a bite of the food on the plate, smiling a bit at the taste. Phil has always been a fantastic cook.
He managed to make something great with some rice, golden carrots, and steak. You wouldn't catch me complaining.
Though, right now he was outside building yet again, Tommy and Tech were out sneaking around L'Manburg. Something about a 'Hound Army'. Leaving uncomfortable silence to float in the house.
Eret chuckled a bit, making me look up from the food I was slowly picking at. "You know, the first person you asked for when you woke up from the coma, was me." He smiled softly, glasses off his face and resting on the table. He still took them off around me.
I laughed a bit too. "I'm not surprised," I replied simply.
I cleared my throat almost immediately, taking a few sips of water from the cup on my left. My hand no longer shook when I lifted the small weight, it only took two days to get my body to stop shaking at the smallest thing. I'll need to start physical therapy and all, but it shouldn't be too bad.
After all, it's much easier to gain back muscle after losing it, it's difficult to build it up originally.
"Tor, could we talk?"
And this is why I hated situations like this.
"I'd rather not right now."
"We need to talk."
"I don't want to."
Silverware clanged as he put down whatever he was using, standing up and beginning to walk away from the table. He grabbed his glasses and put them on. I didn't flinch.
I could hear a door open to leave the house, but he stopped for a moment. I spared him a glance, wanting to know why he was waiting. "Darling, you have to realize that running from these problems of yours hurts me just as much, if not more than you." He sighed and looked out towards the snow. "You keep catching me in the aftermath of your whirlwind of emotions, which I wouldn't mind if you just let me help you deal with them. I understand you don't have empathy, but I'm asking you to understand how much you're hurting me right now." Eret seemed saddened as he slammed the door, and I finally allowed myself to wince.
I didn't know where he was going, I hated the fact that I couldn't bring myself to care. I'm selfish, I know that, but I keep going anyway. I find that I only care about myself most of the time, which isn't a good trait but I can never make myself fix it. I prey on another person's downfall almost all of the time, when I meet people my first question is how they can aid me in going forward. I use people as stepping stools, ruining their success at the price of my own. I wish I could say I do this as a result of some underlying trauma, but part of me thinks it's just how I was born. That honestly I think it's just that my brain is wired all fucked up.
I'm thankful that I decided there are few exceptions to this disgusting thought process of mine, that a few people worked their way into my heart in a way that kind of makes me sick. I was content with there only being two allowances, Phil and Tech. And then Eret managed to break down every wall without so much as bringing my attention to the crumbling defenses; until I had confessed in a flurry of panic and pure intensive fear. Maybe Ranboo and Toms were allowed somewhere in there, or at least on their way.
I'll have to keep a eye on that.
But either way, I had somehow managed to hurt Eret, again.
I went to stand up, having to support my body by keeping a hand on the chair. I decided to ignore my half eaten meal. I made my way over to the front door Eret had just left out of, not looking for him but looking for someone else.
As I left the house I had to lean against the railings Phil had constructed. Right now he was making a bridge to connect the future houses. "Hey! Slow down there, crow!" Phil ran over from where ever he was, placing an arm around my back to loop under both my shoulders, letting me lean against his smaller frame. "You shouldn't be out here, you're still in bad condition."
I huffed and let his wings curl around us both, this is who I was looking for. I had known he was out here building again, becoming fixated on yet another project even though he had probably hundreds on his 'to do' list already. "Phil, can I talk to you for a sec?" I coughed a few times, my throat already uncomfortable with the speaking.
"Uh- yeah sure, mate. Let's get you inside first." He had to curl his wings further in as he walked us both through the door. Not wanting to hit the door frame. He was barely able to close the door with most of his limbs occupied. The Angel sat us both down on the couch, getting up momentarily to throw two more logs into the fire, the dancing flames having become weak. "What kind of talk are we looking for here." He laughed a bit and sat down, hands resting awkwardly on his lap.
"If you need to work, I get it." I tilted my head to the side and looked back at the front door.
He shook his head, declining the offer. "You matter more than some project." I smiled at the words and he nervously patted my back.
"Never in my life did I think I'd come to the Angel of Death for relationship advice." I laughed at my own issue, ignoring the fact that my leg was slightly bouncing out of pure anxiety. Normally I was able to stay pretty stoic with conversations about emotion, or anything for that matter, I suppose this was an exception.
"Oh- oh damn alright. Did something happen with Techno? Or?" Phil looked more shocked than anything, I couldn't blame him, to everyone's knowledge I couldn't so much as love. The most romantic or even relationship like thing I've ever had were the quick flings or whatever un-named situation I had with Tech.
"Eret." I replied, almost scared to see Phil's expression.
Uncharacteristically Phil looked plain pissed. "I just fucking saw him walk out all pissed too- do I need to kill him? What's going on?" It's moments like these I forget how overprotective the Angel can become. What earned him his title.
I frantically shook my head, grabbing his wrist so he didn't get up and do anything rash. "It's my fault, it really is. I just need help, please." He raised an eyebrow, uncomfortable silence following. He wanted me to speak. "I told him I loved him, right before they took me away to execute me. We never got to talk about it until I apparently fell into this coma."
"You love him?" Phil looked more concerned than anything.
"I think I've always been able to love, just not able to place a word on it, let alone accept it." I admitted, leaning my side against Phil's. The blond looped an arm around my waist to hold me close. "I love you as well, you're like some kind of father-figure and best-friend combined." I chuckled a bit and ignored the way his hold tightened. He gave in and pulled me into a smothering hug.
"I love you too, crow."
I didn't bother hugging him back, my arms were tightly pressed to my sides from the bone crushing embrace anyway. Phil always smelled like pine, it washed over me. "I've been avoiding Eret, ever since I woke up from whatever amnesia I had. I think I'm scared." I didn't mind that my words were slightly muffled from where I was pressed into his shoulder.
"Do you love him romantically?"
"I think so." I winced, knowing I was lying. "I know so."
Phil sighed and held me a bit tighter, probably still in slight shock. "Then what's stopping you?"
That was the big question I suppose, what is stopping me? What's stopping me from starting a loving relationship with a obviously very willing Eret? What has been stopping me from letting him sleep in the same bed as me like before? "I'm a bad person."
"What?"
"By normal standards, Phil. I'm a bad person. I don't want to ruin him, I don't want to accidentally hurt him like I just did a few moments ago. I'm a bad person, and Eret isn't." The words fell out faster than I could comprehend them, but I guess that's what I wanted to say all along.
"Bad people don't fear they're bad, crow. Good people do."
Neither warrior noticed that Eret was standing in the doorway, having returned long ago to grab his formerly forgotten coat.
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[AN: My best friend MaidBoySuppremacy who you may recognize as the author of 'Incendiary' which is a x Technoblade story just started a new novel! It's about Wilbur and is called GhostRide! Please go check it out if you want to.]