[TW: Anxiety Attack, Panic Attack, Arguments, Mention of Death.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The world keeps turning whether you like it or not, time will go forward without you, and you'll be stuck in the past."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Technoblade never expected to wake up to Eret screaming for him and Phil, and yet that was his alarm for the day.
And Technoblade never expected to have to give his best friend CPR at now three am in the morning. Eret was outside, apparently not even able to mentally handle what was happening, neither Technoblade or Phil saw the King so much as grab a coat.
All Technoblade could do was count as he did compressions, hoping he didn't break her ribs. Though a few broken bones are definitely worth her life.
Just breathe goddamnit-
Phil was pacing in a corner, midnight wings flapping helplessly and poorly muffled chirps of distress falling from his lips. His remaining feathers were puffed out in pure panic, knowing he couldn't do anything to help the situation.
Technoblade heard a breath, it was small but it was there. The God immediately stopped the process, watching carefully and placing a hand on her pulse. Her pulse hadn't completely stopped when he had arrived, but it was dying fast enough while coupled with her lacking breaths to scare him to the point of administering CPR. He would bet that her heart could have stopped at some point as he started the procedure, there was no logical reason for why her body suddenly started dying.
She was practically on death's door for no logical reasoning.
He could feel a pulse, it wasn't too steady, and it didn't make him feel much better, but it was something. "Is she alive?"
"Yeah, a pulse is there, she's alive." Technoblade let out a shaken breath he didn't know he was holding, practically collapsing at her side and having to stop himself from having a meltdown at three in the morning. He placed a hand over his mouth and muffled any noises of fear and plain misery that might escape. "She was alright, she was stable, I don't understand."
"It doesn't make sense, there's no logical reason for why her heart should have almost stopped like that, or did stop." Phil walked over, sitting on the edge of the bed as he didn't really trust his legs to continue standing. He was lightheaded from pure adrenaline and sorrow. They were just glad Tommy didn't wake up, they suppose that's one benefit to being about three floors down."I'll go get Eret before he contracts frostbite or something, keep an eye on her, mate."
The Blood God nodded, knowing he probably wouldn't look away from the steady rise and fall of her chest for a bit now. He had hated the way her lips were already cold when he had to breathe life back into her lungs. His body was exhausted from the motions of trying to once again get her body to sustain itself, Technoblade momentarily placed his hands on her ribs to check for any broken bones.
He couldn't feel anything broken, but it would leave bruises that's for sure.
"What happened to you? You were stable." Technoblade knew he wasn't talking to anybody, but that didn't stop himself from practically asking the void these questions. The words were heard by deaf ears and would be sucked into oblivion."There's no reason why you would die right now, you were doin' so well. Why would Death take you now?"
Just on the other side of a wall, Eret was curled in on himself in the icy snow. It's the type of snow that's hard and painful, not soft and perfect for something like a playful snowball fight. He was in a short sleeve shirt, he couldn't even feel the painful stab of cold yet over the feeling of panic rising in his body.
He didn't know if he was crying, he couldn't hear himself and the possible sobs over the hyperventilation. All he could see was blurred over darkness from it being so late at night, and the frantic puffs of air leaving his mouth now visible due to the drop in temperature. His jaw hurt from how tight it was clenched, teeth clashing into each other so hard it caused small pricks of pain.
He knew he was crying now, the tears running down his face turned cold so quickly they caused the feeling of ice against his cheeks. "Mate?" Phil called out, Eret couldn't hear him.
But Phil could hear Eret.
The younger man's breathing was ragged, brown hair fallen over his features and sticking to his face from the wet tears. As Phil approached he realized Eret's body was swaying, his breathing becoming more desperate. "Eret." Phil said his name, getting on one knee in front of the man. "Eret can you hear me?"
He didn't get so much as a response, shaken hands reaching up and digging into his own arms, nails burrowing into frozen skin. Phil was certain if he let Eret continue he'd draw blood. "Eret, can I touch you?" He was met with another sob, the weight of it making his entire body lurch.
Phil saw small droplets of blood slip down Eret's arms.
"Eret, I'm going to touch your hands now." Phil reached forward and placed his warmer palms on chilly ones, the difference in temperature sending a few shivers up his spine. Eret jolted, breathing becoming more frantic before slowing down a bit. "Eret, can you hear me? Just try to squeeze my hands as a yes."
The Angel felt the smallest movement in Eret's hands, it was enough to let Phil surge forward and pull Eret into a tight hold, wings wrapping around the brunet in some effort to conserve warmth. "Mate, can you tell me five things you can feel?" Phil heard Eret begin to cough before his chest heaving once more, an ugly cry leaving his throat in a guttural way. "Eret, try your best for me."
The King clenched his teeth one more before slowly nodding, slowly regaining his senses. "Your wings." He started, being cut off by another sob and his body lurching forward into blond hair.
"That's good, really good, keep going for me." Phil ran his right hand in circles on Eret's back, gripping both of Eret's slowly warming hands in his one left palm.
"The-" He hiccuped now, his breathing slowing bit by but. "The snow, I can feel the snow." The numbing and prickling feeling that was traveling up Eret's fingers from lack of oxygen slowly faded. "My shirt and my hair."
"Just one more, mate."
Phil winced when Eret started crying again, it sounded like he was getting worse once more. "Eret what's one more thing you can feel, come on now."
"I don't know-"
"Eret."
"Your shirt."
Phil slowly pulled away from Eret, his breathing evening out by the second. "She's alright Eret, she's alive." Phil whispered, brushing curly hair out of the younger's face.
Eret nodded, reaching up and swiping away tears quickly drying on his own face. "Techno actually did it? He saved her?"
"He did, and she's okay."
Eret had forgotten his sunglasses in the bedroom, so Phil was finally able to get a good look at his eyes. Apparently Technoblade was right when he said Eret was related to Herobrine, there was definitely nothing like those eyes besides maybe with demons, and even then there's small differences. "Why did that happen? She was okay, I was watching her and everything was okay." Eret was slowly stood up by Phil, now acknowledging how cold he was. Eret shivered and wrapped his arms around himself, wanting to get inside.
"We don't really know, it seems like everything was fine." Phil shrugged, leading Eret back inside of the cabin, the Monarch shuddering and sighing when the warmth enveloped them.
The Angel took the time to put another log on the fire as they walked by, cautiously entering the bedroom and finding Technoblade just watching Torva. "She stable?" Phil asked, patting the God's back as he walked by the bed.
The pinkette nodded, looking up to Eret. "Thanks for gettin' us, she would have died if you didn't."
Eret gulped and nodded, now also acknowledging his clothes were damp from the snow. "Mate, you go change and head to bed. Techno and I will take over." Phil ushered Eret out of the room, having faith the King will take care of themself.
The second the younger left the room, Phil looked to Technoblade. "How much longer until we have to follow through?"
"Don't even bring that up to me Phil I swear to the fucking Gods." Phil didn't so much as flinch to the snarl, looking down on the pinkette who was still sat on the bed. "We're not doing that."
"We promised each other that if we fell into a coma from the work-"
"Phil, kindly shut up."
Technoblade had his fangs bared, Phil could see his ears folded back even with unruly hair mostly covering them. Phil should be scared, he knows you should be scared of an angered piglin. But, Phil knows Technoblade would die before so much as laying a hand on him. "Four months, and this ends, that was the deal." Phil crossed his arms, glancing apologetically at the younger.
"I can't."
"Then I will."
Phil swears Techno's eyes were just a bit more red in those moments. "You wouldn't, you wouldn't kill her just to get her out of this coma."
"She said herself that she'd rather die and guarantee her mortality, than live months and years of her life in a coma. We talked about this Techno, we all agreed on time frames." Phil was practically scolding the other at this point, completely ignoring Technoblade's lips curled into an animalistic snarl. Tusks even more noticeable.
"Go away, go to sleep, Phil."
"Think, Techno."
"Sure."
❧
Even in front of the fire it seemed Torva would shiver, Technoblade knew Demons weren't made for the Arctic, hell he wasn't made for the Arctic, he's a Piglin.
The difference was Technoblade always seemed to have a high body temperature, though Torva always seemed to be cold. He couldn't help her besides give her a few extra blankets, of course part of him wanted to hold her close. Offer up his bed at night for her so he could cuddle her.
She always flinched away from his touch anyway, so he didn't bother asking, let alone trying. So he walked up with a large blanket, bringing it from his bedroom to give to the indefinitely cold woman. If the fact that he got it from his room was so she would smell like him, that's for nobody to know but himself. "Torva, I grabbed this for you, I saw you shiverin'." He smiled as kindly as he could, the woman nodding with a small laugh and accepting the blanket.
She wrapped the practical comforter around herself, running a hand through her hair afterward to fix any pieces that might be sticking out. Technoblade sat on the couch, farther away than he would like to be. Even now he was overthinking, should he have smiled like that? Do his fangs freak her out when he smiles? How can you know someone for years and still feel like you know nothing about them?
They're childhood friends, and yet sometimes feel like complete strangers.
How does one fix this?
Technoblade doesn't think there's a book for that.
He still saw her shivering out of the corner of his eye, this season in the Arctic is always the worst. Even with the fires constantly going and the thick walls some chill always managed to creep in. Phil has hollow bones due to his bird-like nature, so the Angel will leave for this month.
Leaving the Arctic Empire to Torva and Technoblade.
And leaving Technoblade to initiate all awkward conversations with the woman.
Phil makes it look so easy!
He can make Torva laugh even, striking up natural conversation and even allowing Technoblade to join in! Those are the only times the Blood God can seem to talk to the woman, with the Angel's help. He does not have that help right now. "You're still cold." And he should have definitely not said that, of course she's still cold idiot, she's shivering.
"Yeah, hate this time of the year."
Okay Techno, don't screw this up. She either ignored the awkwardness in his words or didn't acknowledge it. "Maybe I could make you a fur-lined cloak for this time of the year? It could help."
"I don't want to bother you with it. I can handle the cold."
Technoblade felt his voices rile up. Because it won't be a bother! It won't at all! He wants to help! "Oh- alright."
Oh you idiot- why didn't he keep insisting- how socially awkward can one person get. He's known her for years! "Piglin don't really get cold, so I've always been fine this time of year. I actually find it helps me cool off." Was that a good conversation starter? Did he do that right?
"Oh, really? That's lucky. I'm usually cold anyway, I don't really know why. I don't know if it's a demon thing or not."
Okay, okay cool there's conversation happening. "I-" Oh no, what would he even say? How does he continue this? "If you want, I could sit by you? I practically radiate warmth cause of my genes."
The awkward silence that followed practically drowned him. "Sorry, stupid idea, overstepped." He corrected himself, clearing his throat and looking to the floor.
"Nah, get over here. I'd like the company." Her voice remained monotone, he couldn't tell if she was uncomfortable at all. Sometimes he disliked how she never seemed to show too much emotion. "If the offer is still there."
"Yeah, yeah just tell me if you get uncomfortable or somethin'." He stood up from the couch, making his way over to the fireplace. A few feet from it was the woman, red hair sticking out from the blanket. She raised an arm invitingly, the blanket open.
He gulped and sat down next to her, feet tucked into his chest. The fire was always nice to watch, so he wasn't complaining. He just didn't appreciate how tense she got when he stepped into her personal space. Did she feel required to accept the offer?
He heard her sigh, not a sad one, a content one. And he noticed she wasn't really shivering anymore. "You're right." She smiled a bit, something he saw rarely. "You're like some kind of furnace."
"I'm glad comin' over here could help." He smiled, once again almost immediately self conscious of the action.
Damn tusks.
Stupid fangs.
He let his body slouch, immediately tensing up and scooting away when his arm brushed against hers. He was scared of scaring her, and when he looked in her direction, he found her whole body was frozen.
When was the last time she even touched someone besides fighting people in combat or in training?
She moved so far away she started shivering again. "Can I hold you? It would help." Great going Technoblade, way too forward, you'll scare her off completely now.
"Nah, I don't, I haven't-"
Oh wow, that's a first, Technoblade barely ever hears Torva stutter over her words.
"When's the last time you even hugged someone?" That was- kind of rude. He should really start thinking more in depth before he talks. He practically cringed at his own question.
But she laughed, that's a good thing, right? "Besides restraining someone in a fight? Dunno, since I was a kid?" She shrugged and looked to the Piglin Hybrid.
He opened his arms and moved a bit toward her, slowly closing the space. "It will help, promise."
She looked at him, he could practically see the cogs turning in her brain to think over the decision. "I trust you." She muttered under her breath, wincing when she realized he heard it.
He could feel his heart ache a bit. Did she have to think over whether or not she trusted him entirely to just let him hold her? He hopes she trusts him. They've saved each other in battle too many times to count. She pursed her lips and moved closer, he took that as an invitation to finish the distance needed.
He took the blanket and wrapped it around himself, then wound his arms around her waist. She was enveloped in the much larger form and the blanket.
He could feel the way she tensed up, body refusing to relax. And then in all but a few seconds it's like her body collapsed on itself, completely laying against him and tucking into his form. He took the opportunity to hunch over her in almost a protective way, feeling her shivering stop and her breaths slowly steady. "You're right, it's nice." She murmured, and he could feel her move so she was practically in his lap, of course he just held her tighter and made sure the blanket was still wrapped around both of them. "Thanks, Tech." Oh and that's where his brain checked out, Tech, she's the only one that calls him that and he is certain it kills him every last time. She only uses it rarely too, and that only adds to the fact that his conscious craves it. Combined with the fact she's pressed against him right now? Yeah he's dead, certain he's dead.
He moved one hand so it's splayed on her back, feeling some kind of pride that he's somehow so much bigger than her even though she's insanely tall for a woman. His other hand remained on her waist, keeping her pulled close. He could feel her arms looped around his neck, face resting in the crook of his neck. He just hoped she was also feeling those weird sparks wherever their skin touched, not the kind of spark that hurts, more so creates a dull burn. He leaned down to press his face to her neck, desperate for more contact and to be able to hold her closer.
His tusk nicks her neck, and he internally cursed at himself. "Sorry." He muttered, opting to just hold her a bit closer.
"It's fine, I like your tusks, they're cute." If he heard some kind of adoration in her voice, his brain completely brushed over it to focus on the word cute. He feels like some kind of teenager with a crush right now. And this is his friend, someone he's been with every day for the past however many years. He knows everything about her, and she knows everything about him, and yet they still manage to act like this.
A smaller hand reached up and pressed on the back of his head, he could feel the braid still resting in his hair, those moments in the mornings when she braids his hair he will cherish as long as he can remember them. The hand leads him back to her neck, and he smiles at the second chance. He rests there, tucked into her neck and appreciating that he's that much closer to her. He can feel the hand that directed his head now run down his spine, that gave him shivers but not from the cold.
His lips brush over her pulse point and he can feel her shudder in his arms before tilting away. How can one back away but lean into a touch simultaneously? Technoblade doesn't know, but she managed it.
"Tech-"
And there goes that nickname again that had the voices appearing once more, picking up in volume further. "Mhm." He hummed a response, not entirely trusting his voice.
"I'm not used to this."
"I'm not expectin' you to be. I'm not either."
Technoblade opened his eyes, formerly having closed them and enjoying the peace of the situation. He glanced out the window to their right, acknowledging that it was now late at night. He hadn't slept in two days anyway, might as well shoot his shot and hope he doesn't ruin everything that's happening right now. "Want to come with me to my bedroom?"
The silence lasted far too long for either of their comfort, and Technoblade was honestly on the urge of taking back the question. Hoping he didn't ruin what was happening and he could just remain cuddling on the floor next to the fireplace. He felt her shrug, mumbling something he couldn't hear. "It's alright if you don't wanna."
"No, no it's fine I'm alright, just a bit overwhelmed if I'm being honest."
Technoblade barraged himself mentally on that one, great going inviting your friend who's had barely any physical contact to your room. "You don't have to then, I can see how it can be overwhelmin'."
"No, I want to, I'm fine. Better than freezing all night." She laughed a bit, and he couldn't help but lightly snicker too.
"S'pose so." He chuckled and slowly let go of her, feeling her move back off his lap so she was once again on the ground. He left the blanket around her shoulders though.
If when they went to his room to get ready for bed he held her hand, nobody had to know but them.
That was the first night of many Technoblade got to indulge in what he had wanted to for months. He got to give into his possessiveness for once, and it was welcomed even if it was nervously.
Though, he supposed Torva liked being held and cuddled into, he supposed she liked to be taken care of and warmed up at night. And he supposed she appreciated a creature from the Nether because he could remove the chill in her bones.
Technoblade pulled away from his memories and sighed, staring at the wooden ceiling of the cabin, the now comforting and familiar chill seeping into his bones, only to be removed by the heat constantly flowing in his body.
He couldn't help but wish he had savored those moments more, because someone in a coma can't curl into your lap with a laugh and a short kiss.
You can't warm up someone so cold that their beyond saving.
For the first time in a long while, Technoblade thinks he knows what it's like to be cold.
He assumes Phil didn't meant this when he told him to think.
❧
"I'm heading back to check on the hound army, come on Tommy." Technoblade snapped, the aftermath of yet another argument. Each time Technoblade refused to deal with the fallout, opting to focus on yet another project, dragging the teen along with him.
Tensions grew by the day, all of them knew it was a side affect of Torva in a coma, but nobody bothered to acknowledge it and apologize. Tommy felt like he was constantly walking on eggshells, Phil was trying his best to help but usually only ended up getting wrapped up in the aggression.
It was always Technoblade and Eret. "Techno! You two need to handle this!" Phil grabbed the God's wrist, Technoblade snapping his head to look at the older. Tommy muttered something and walked outside, not bothering to stay inside to put his jacket on, taking it into the cold with him.
"Don't act like you're not hiding secrets too Phil, or do I have to tell him?"
"Watch yourself, Techno."
Eret stood on the other side of the room, suddenly interested in the argument brewing. After two months of being trapped with the two men, Eret found himself in a constant state of anger or misery, the emotions decided to flip every once in awhile much to his disdain. He was either having a panic attack in the snow only to come in an hour later and take a hot shower, or arguing with Technoblade over something neither of them tended to care about much. It could be started with so much as bumping shoulders in the hallway. "What don't I know?" Eret spoke up, preparing himself for another round of nauseating screaming.
"Oh come on, tell him, Phil! If you're so high and mighty!" Technoblade had such a wide smile on his face it was obviously fake, his tone taunting and plain infuriated.
"What secret now? The fact you have hundreds of Wither Skulls at your disposal? Pick your poison, Blood God!" Phil's wings were flared, fists clenched and knuckles turning white.
Eret blinked a few times, able to see Tommy pulling on his jacket from through the window. The blond glanced nervously at the front door, knowing on the other side there's yet another argument between the three men in the house. Eret knows Tommy is glad his room is in the basement, it's far enough down where he can block out the screams. "Excuse me?" Eret walked over to the Gods, arms crossed and growing anger evident on his expression.
"No, Phil. I was talking about the fact you're planning on killing Torva in two months, sorry you misread what I was expressing." Technoblade laughed a bit, watching the anger on Eret's face fade into disgust. Phil's wings slumped down, almost guiltily.
"Look- Eret." Phil turned to the King, sympathy leaking from his words that only made Eret more disgusted.
"No, Phil, not right now, I don't even fucking want to know." Eret grabbed his coat off the hanger as he walked out, hearing new screams from the Gods fade into the distance as he slipped on the red material.
"You too, big man?" Tommy laughed a bit before hearing Eret sniffle.
"Yeah, yeah me too." Eret laughed back wetly, with each word Tommy could hear Eret's unwanted emotions bubble up.
"Techno and I are heading off to L'Manburg to check on the hound army, if you want to join us." Tommy smiled hopefully, his expression dropping a bit when Eret shook his head no, declining the offer.
"I actually need to go on a walk, alone, I think. Thank you though, Tommy." Eret waved as he walked off in the direction of a nearby village. It's somewhere with warm buildings that isn't the cabin, and that's all Eret needed.
Eret spared the outline for the new cabins a glance as he walked by, seeing stacks of spruce wood and stone in piles ready to be used by Phil. The older had been putting off the project for awhile now.
He also ignored Ghostbur who he saw out of the corner of his eye, deciding he really didn't want to talk to the kind ghost right now. A blue sheep was at his side, and he looked to be approaching the cabin with Ranboo.
Eret's heart lurched momentarily when he saw the enderman hybrid, only to shove down the emotion and continue his trek.
He just needs to, calm down, and process.
There's so much to process.