[Thank you for the Fanart above by myhxndsarenttied !]
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"You've become the very thing you despised."
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When we finally got back home, well Pogtopia. I wouldn't really call Pogtopia home, but at the same time in a sense it could be considered one. The people there make it home I suppose, though if I'm being honest I'd much prefer the castle.
The fountain, the rainbow stained glass, the bedrooms were lovely too. Much better than a sleeping bag. I missed so much about the place, maybe I should visit. Gods that isn't even a question I need to visit. What I would give for one more night there, I loved around three am in the castle because me and Eret both tended to wake up then from nightmares. So we'd both just meet in the living room to sit until we could become tired again. Neither of us bothered asking about the others nightmare, instead choosing to enjoy the others presence.
"Tech." I tugged on his cape after we reached the entrance of Pogtopia. He turned around swiftly looking down at me.
"I think I'm going to visit Eret soon. Maybe in a day or two, just spend a few days with him. I miss the castle." I smiled softly and I saw his face momentarily drop before he sighed and nodded. He grabbed my hand and brought me into Pogtopia.
"Sure nerd, I can walk ya there in a day or two. Maybe after the Festival? We do need to prepare." He led me down the stairs and finally we reached the lantern lit cavern. I swear it got brighter every day as it was slowly worked on and evolved. Now there were even elaborate systems leading down instead of unsteady cobble stairs.
I nodded and he smiled, he took off his skull mask along the way here. It was always on his face whenever we had to do things like meet with an ally or enemy. Or in combat. I noticed Tommy was gone, probably sneaking into L'manburg to meet with Tubbo. I noticed he was slowly caving, unable to hold back anymore from meeting with his friend.
Tech went to go farm more, but when I bent down to look in my enderchest, my hair quickly began getting in my way once more. I placed my axe in the chest and took out my scythe. I also placed my armor back in the chest. I had on the protection while we met with Dream. I didn't want to risk him attacking us. But unlike Techno, I despised wearing armor. It was so clunky and suffocating, I much preferred to go armor-less unless required.
I sighed and stretched, now out of the confining metal, but felt my hair brush against my back as I did so.
Okay I had to handle this now.
I searched in a few chests and quickly found a pair of scissors. I looked around and the first person I saw was Wilbur, no way I am trusting him with my hair.
I had Tech cut my hair a few times back in the Arctic. Phil usually was my go to- but this would have to make do. I entered the farm gripping the scissors, and leaning my scythe against the stone walls in the room.
"Heh?" Techno looked up from his farming at me with a raised eyebrow. His cape was off folded in the corner with his armor. He was left in a white shirt with rolled up sleeves, his vermillion colored pants, and his boots. He probably didn't want to dirty his cape, or deal with the weight of the armor while farming.
I held out the scissors in my palm. "Can you cut a few inches off of my hair? I'm really getting bothered by it. I just want it mid-neck length again." I sighed shaking my head a bit, feeling my hair hit my shoulders and upper back.
He nodded dropping his farming tools and walking up to me, he grabbed the scissors from my palm and placed a hand on my upper back. He led me over to a seat by the campfire outside of the farm. Wilbur was off in his bedroom, I heard the door slam. He was pacing a lot.
I sat on the seat which was basically a stripped log. I watched the fire and smiled.
"Okay so just like mid-neck right?" He confirmed placing his thumb in the middle of my neck on the side, visualizing the length. I nodded with a small hum. "You sure? You could always just put it in a ponytail and let it grow out." I could tell he was hesitant to cut it, as if worried I would regret getting rid of the length.
"Just cut it already." I laughed a bit and he huffed nodding. I turned to the side so he could see the back of my neck.
I felt him carefully brush two chunks of my hair in front of my shoulders. I heard soft snips and I closed my eyes with a smile. I really didn't care much about my hair, maybe that's why I preferred to keep it short, not too much upkeep at this length. As long as it was even, and I didn't mind the length as long as it was somewhere above my shoulders.
"You're really gorgeous with long hair too ya' know. But I think you do look better with shorter hair like this." He was slowly bringing sections of my hair to my back, probably slowly cutting sections the same length as to not mess up.
"Thanks. I usually just prefer it like this since it's less to worry about, and it doesn't get in the way as much." I explained, still hearing the steady and soft snips of scissors cutting off small chunks of hair. An aspect of myself I adored was my hair color, it reminded me so much of my mother. Additionally I just thought it was nice with my eyes and skin tone, my eyes and skin are pale and fairly colorless. Grey eyes and pale skin, nothing about me really had much color. Besides my hair, it was a striking blood red which I adored, it stood out and made me unique in a sense.
"Well I guess it's functional and pretty then." I could practically hear his smile even though I was turned away from him. He pulled back the last chunk and the snips stopped for a moment.
"Turn around."
I did so shifting my position on the log. I looked over at him also sitting on the seating. He hummed eyeing my hair. "Wow it's actually even." He laughed running his hands through my hair, seeing if any strands seemed to stick out. But he looked pleased with himself at the results.
I ran my hands through my hair, feeling how it ended in the middle of my neck. Less hair to run my hands through. I felt lighter somehow.
He smiled and tucked my hair behind my ears. "I like it." He complimented eyeing me still.
I noticed the hair was to the side of the log in a messy pile. I looked over at it. "Eh I'll sweep it up later after I'm done farming." He waved it off with a smile and went to stand up. Probably to continue farming.
I grabbed his right hand keeping him still. He stayed sat down and tilted his head to the side. Looking confused.
I leaned forward and quickly pressed a kiss to his lips. It was fast, too fast for him to fully react. I pulled away quickly leaving him stunned with a smile on his face. It was just a peck but I could see he was so insanely happy from it.
I guess that was a way I showed affection sometimes with him.
He let out a small laugh of joy and ruffled my hair with a quiet "Thanks Nerd." Before receding back into the potato farm.
I shook my head feeling my hair now only hit my neck, not my shoulders. I sighed happily fluffing my hair up with my hands and a small laugh. I loved my hair at this length.
All was peaceful for just a few moments. "Where the fuck is Tommy!" Wilbur's scream was aggressive and violent. He stormed out of his bedroom slamming the door. I snapped my head over to see him pacing once more.
I sighed pursing my lips. "You need to be lighter on the kid. He's only sixteen you know, it's hard to be faced with war and violence at that age." In that moment I only imagined myself at that age. Going through similar things that Tommy are now. A hateful brother frankly disappointed for something that cannot be controlled. I wouldn't call it empathy, but I would call what I was feeling understanding. Because I've been there.
Wilbur slammed his hand against the stone wall to his left. His palm making a loud slapping noise as it harshly connected with the hard wall. "Tubbo needs to get his shit together, he doesn't care. Nobody does anymore." Wilbur laughed a bit to himself and gripped his face with his free hand.
I slowly stood up and walked over to him. I placed my hands on his shoulders making him stand up straight, and look at me in the eyes.
I prepared to yell. "You need to get yourself together Wilbur. Not just for you but for everyone here. It's not your L'manburg, it's Tommy's too. I may not support it but you have to realize it isn't you fucking 'symphony', and that Tommy is his own goddamn person. A person who is hurting and doing any goddamn thing he can to get out of Pogtopia because you've turned it into a hell for him. You are turning into his hell Wilbur." I knew if I was back all those years ago, those days where I would leave and hope I wouldn't make it back. I would want someone to yell at Bad like I am Wilbur.
Tommy doesn't have to turn out like me.
I saw him grit his teeth. "Then let me be his fuckin' hell or whatever. I've lost everything." He pushed me, making me momentarily stumble back before regaining my footing. He looked crazed and gone.
My anger began bubbling up again. "Don't you fucking put your hands on me." I was trying to stop myself from exploding right now, I didn't want to have a screaming match with a grown man.
"Yeah sure whatever. You caused this! You helped fucking cause this!" He began screaming and I felt my stomach lurch.
This was happening.
"Okay so what if I did?! That doesn't mean I can act like a raging bitch! Moping and taking my feelings out on a child who is too young to drink, but apparently old enough to sustain life damaging trauma from his older brother!" Adrenaline began to course through my veins, and I felt my body heat up from the yelling. The rush of an argument hit me at ten fold.
Wilbur faltered for a moment, his eyes opening wide seemingly as he saw himself for the first time in weeks. Before becoming hard and cold once more. He let out a shaken breath.
"Fuck you." The words were a huff and spoken in passing as he strode by me, his shoulder
purposely harshly jutting against me as he walked by.
I stood there and sighed hearing him walk up the stairs. He must be getting fresh air. I ran my tongue across my teeth in thought. But as I passed by my canines I flinched.
I tasted iron.
My tongue was now bleeding.
I opened my mouth and pressed my thumb against my canines. I don't think they were this sharp before. I hummed lightly in confusion. I must be imagining things right?
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Later I managed to convince Techno to go to sleep. He insisted on getting more things for the vault, making armor and enchants. Potions and everything imaginable.
Finally he was standing over an anvil adding enchantments to a helmet. I walked up behind him and just pressed my body against his, wrapping him into a hug from behind. I heard him yawn and grumble. "Fine." He muttered putting down the piece of netherite.
He will put his all into some things, working away until he can't recall what day it is anymore. So it either has to be me or Phil to pull him back out of these loops. Sadly, Phil wasn't here as much as I'd like to hope he is.
I slowly let go of Tech and he stretched, I heard some bones pop and crack as he did so. "I'll be in my sleeping bag." I smiled waving as I walked out. I trusted that he would find his way to bed, and wouldn't go straight back to working away.
"I'll probably join ya tonight." He smiled and I nodded making my way to my bed. Maybe I would be able to get a full nights sleep tonight.
I was already half asleep by the time I heard quiet steps, and felt arms wrap around me from behind. I felt his grip tighten and I heard him let out a small sigh. The hot breath hit the back of my neck and I felt him press his forehead to the back of my head.
Some silence passed of him occasionally moving around in an attempt to get comfortable. "Get closer nerd. I can tell you're awake." I heard him quietly grumble making me softly laugh at his need for attention. His love language was definitely spending time with the ones he loved, but occasionally he would just want to cuddle.
I turned around and allowed myself to be pulled forward. My forehead now pressed against his chest as he held me as close as he could. "You'll be safe when we go to that festival. I'll make sure of it." He mumbled the words and I felt myself slowly drift off. The last thing I comprehended was his right hand lightly moving up and down my upper back. A steady movement most likely to help me grow tired and fall asleep.
I didn't get to sleep for long. I woke up to screams, screams of fear and anger more like it. I quickly recognized it as Tommy and glanced at the clock on the wall, it was the dead of night what could be happening?
I felt the grip around my body tighten and a low, tired grumble from the man holding me. He pulled me closer defensively obviously not wanting to get up. I heard Tech say something I couldn't decipher, probably due to us both being tired.
I slowly got up and rubbed my eyes. I had to go see what was happening. He grabbed my hand sitting up too. "Come on this happens all the time, Tommy probably just got into another argument with Wil. Can't we sleep more?" He tried to convince me to stay but I shook my head no.
"When I was where Tommy is now, I would beg in my mind for someone to come step in. So I'm going to be the person I needed as a child right now." I stood up and I smoothed my surely tangled hair with my fingers. I didn't bother putting on shoes, I was fine barefoot if I was just resolving a quick argument.
I ran up the stairs hearing Techno behind me putting on shoes and all. I just booked it, because I swear I just heard something about TNT.
As I ran up the stairs, running my hand along the wall to keep my tired body steady, I heard Dream. I panicked further and I felt my speed pick up.
I made it to the top and infront of me was a sight I never thought I'd be faced with. Wilbur was stuffing massive amounts of explosives into his Enderchest. Dream was in between Tommy and Wilbur, while Tommy shakily loaded a crossbow.
"I'll have to step in Tommy." Dream said coldly standing firm in the doorway.
"Big M!" Tommy shouted with a laugh seeing me. His expression became more confident.
"What's going on?" I replied confused taking in the situation.
"Dream here is givin' Wilbur like five stacks of TNT! Come on grab them from Wilbur you're right there!" Tommy had a bright expression now pointing the crossbow at Dream. My look faltered and I could hear Dream laugh.
"She won't do it Tommy. She's on Wilbur's side with this you know. She's an anarchist." Dream was confident and I saw Tommy's expression drop. I came up here to help Tommy, but I couldn't help with this.
Because as much as I wanted Tommy to be okay, I had to watch Manburg fall. And that's what Dream and Wilbur were planning right now.
"Tommy- I have to let Wilbur do this. But I understand what you're going through right now. I wish this wasn't the case, god I wish it wasn't because I was right there in your shoes with my brother. Believe me." I was clenching my fists and I felt a calloused hand appear on my shoulder. I quickly recognized it as Tech.
Tommy looked to him hopefully now, only for the pinkette to look at the ground. Avoiding eye contact with the distraught blond.
"Wilbur, all I can say to you, is that you don't want to do this. I'm not going to stop you, but you know this isn't you right now." I looked to the brunette and I saw Tommy smile a bit. I wasn't going to stop Wilbur, but I would do my best to make sure Tommy walked out of this without too much mental damage. I think this situation was already too far gone to walk out unscathed.
"Torva you know he won't stop." Dream said making me clench my teeth. Couldn't the egotistical bastard just shut up?
"Dream shut the fuck up. Maybe realize when to hold your tongue for once yeah?" I snapped looking at the green hooded man. His posture changed, he now looked lightly taken aback.
Wilbur closed his enderchest. All of the explosives now untouchable. The danger out of reach to stop. Tommy let out some kind of choked noise in response, maybe it was a cry he held back.
Dream without a word began walking away. "I'll bring you more eventually." Were his final words as he disappeared into the dark woods.
Wilbur let out a small laugh and went back downstairs into the main area of Pogtopia. As he passed I noticed how he smelled like gunpowder. His hands were stained a grey from the explosive dust. The powder under his fingernails, he was too far gone. Already drowned in the untamed ocean of his mind.
Tommy dropped the crossbow and it made a wooden splintering sound as it hit stone. He shakily raised his hands to his mouth. "Wil wants to set it off during Tubbo's speech." He let out a choked cry and his shoulders slouched as his body began to buckle.
I ran forward and Tech watched as I grabbed the boy and forced him into a hug. He began weakly hitting my shoulder. "Why didn't you stop him?" He was crying in my arms yet angrily hitting me. He was such a mess and I don't think I could've helped anymore than I already was.
"You bitch." He sobbed gripping onto me now, so he couldn't fall over onto the stone.
"Do you want to sleep in my room tonight Toms?" I asked kindly and I felt him nod, probably not wanting his words to be muffled by cries.
I heard Techno groan lightly in annoyance. I softly laughed at the response from him making him snort. "Guess I lost your bed tonight." He laughed as I began to lead Tommy downstairs.
"Oh shut it. You have your own room." I replied now softly rubbing circles into Tommy's back. A way of comfort I knew. He let out a shaken breath trying to stop the crying.
"Thanks Big M." The words were uneven and barely audible, but they meant a lot. Because I knew in that moment. I had become the person I craved and needed as a child.
I had become someone who could stand up to what needed to be defeated. I had become a goddamn Grim Reaper. But also I know I had become the person I wanted to be as a kid.
I had become my own hero. And maybe I wasn't the good guy in the stories, but I don't think I'm exactly the villain either.
All I know is that JSchlatt should count his blessings. Because he won't have much for long.