Beautiful (Dean X Reader)

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I've been living with the boys since my dad kicked me out of the house. Well, not exactly house because we were hunters too but you know what I mean. He said that I'm useless and a bargain to him. I knew the boys already because we met at a hunt a few years ago so I went there and I asked them if I could stay for a few days. The few days turned into months and months turned into years. 4 years.

I've been helping the boys with cases by staying home and doing the research because my body didn't allow me to to fight. But the boys didn't mind. Or that's what they told me. But I wasn't like them. I was more on the short and chubby side.  No matter how hard I tried to lose weight, everytime I was losing a few pounds at the beginning and then nothing more. No matter how many salad I ate, how much I worked out, nothing.

The boys keep telling me that I don't need to do it but they can't really believe that. Especially Dean. He would never feel like the way I feel about him. He likes blonde, tall, thin girls and I don't have any of that. But I am in love with him. I love him so much that I don't even care if he doesn't like me. I love hearing him say stories about hunts and seeing him get excited like a little kid. I even love his awful jokes. But I am fine with just being able to spent time with him and I don't want to destroy that by telling him that I love him. It's better this way.

I was sitting in the library with my laptop in front of me just browsing when the boys came back. "Welcome back" I say as they walk to me "Hey (Y/N), missed us?" Dean asks as he hugs me. I loved those hugs even of they didn't mean what I wanted to. But it was nice being so close to him even for a few seconds. "Not really" I say ironically and he chuckles "I made dinner and I picked a movie for tonight" I say.

Dean and I did movie nights every Saturday. At the beginning Sam was coming too but when he find out that I liked Dean he wanted to give the two of us time alone. And I'm grateful to him for that.

"Uhm... about that... I'm sorry but I was thinking about heading out tonight. I need a drink and blow some steam off. Is that ok?" he says "Yeah, yeah, that's totally fine" I say and I sit on my chair again "Thank you" he says "I'm gonna go for a shower and then I'm gonna leave" he says and heads to his room. I look back at my laptop and I try to blink away the tears that formed in my eyes. Of course he prefers to go out than stay in with me.

"Hey, if you want me to, I can go talk to him. I mean you cook and had plans" Sam says and I shake my head "Maybe it would be better if you talked to him and told him that you l--" he says but I close my laptop and I get up "The food is in the oven" I say and I take a step to leave but Sam doesn't let me "(Y/N), please--" "Goodnight Sam" I say and I run to my room.

I lock myself inside and I breakdown as soundless as I could. When I heard the bunker's door close, I didn't care about Sam hearing me so I just let it all out. All the pain and all the emotions I was holding back all those years came out now. And it was a lot. Sam knock the door a few times but I ignored him.
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I woke up feeling my head pounding. Seems like I fall asleep at some point. I get up from the bed and I drag myself in the bathroom and then in the kitchen to get some coffee. But Dean was already there. "Good morning. Want some coffee?" he says "Sure" I say and he gets up to get me a cup. I sit down and he places the cup in front of me. "Thanks" I say and I look down at my it.

"So I was thinking about doing the movie night today since last night I... (Y/N), were you crying?" he asks "No, I'm fine" I say "Tell me the truth (Y/N)" he says. I frown and I get up "I said I'm fine" I say and I leave the kitchen. But he runs after me. He wraps his arm around me "Please tell me what made you cry?" he asks. But being so close to him, I could still smell her perfume on him and I couldn't stand it. I jerk away from him "You should really go for a shower" I say as I run to my room. And I break down again. It hurts so much to love him. So freaking much.

After about and hour he came in my room. But I didn't say anything. I just hide under my covers. I felt the bed move and then I felt him. I could smell his shampoo which means that he did get a shower. He hugs me from behind which makes me hurt even more even if he is trying to make me feel better. "Dean..." I say and a sob comes out of my mouth "Sh sh sh, you don't have to talk" he says running his hand up and down my arm.

I tried to enjoy the moment. I really did but I couldn't. "Can you leave me alone? Please" I say "No, I can't because I'm here to help" "If you want to help me please leave. I'm begging you Dean, leave please" I beg "Ok" he says and gets up from the bed "I'm gonna get some groceries that Sam asked earlier but then we are gonna talk" he says and leaves.

I takr my bag from my closet and I fill it with my clothes. I put my jacket on, I grab my bag and I get out of the room. But in the hallway I meet Sam. "(Y/N), where are you going?" he asks me "I'm leaving Sam" "No, you're not--" "Yes, I am. I'm tired Sam. I'm tired looking him go after every girl he meets but me. I'm tired of thinking about how she might look everytime he leaves for a bar. I'm tired of thinking if she is good enough to satisfy him and I actually hope that she is because he deserves to have some... fun. And it hurts like hell. But I can't stop it. I can't stop loving him. This is the only way I might move on. So if you care about me, you won't stop me Sam" I say crying. He nods and hugs me "I hope you find what you need" he says "Thank you" I say relieved "Remember the door is always open for you" he says and I nod. We pull away and I wipe my tears "I'll call to check on you. I hope you will see eachother again" "Me too" I say "I better be going before Dean comes back" I say and he nods.

I close the door behind me and I walk away from the bunker slowly. My sight became more and more blurry as more tears filled my eyes. I start to cry but I keep walking away. But I have to do this. I have to do this. I have to do... I fall on my knees and I cry. Why is it so damn hard?

A car stops next to me "(Y/N)?" I hear his voice "Crap" I curse under my breath. I wipe my tears and I get up. I start to walk "(Y/N), where are you going?" he asks but I ignore him. He gets out of the car and stops me "Just go back home and leave me alone" I say and I keep walking "No, I'm not going to leave you" he says and gets in front of me "Dean, just leave please. And trust me this is for the best" I say but he doesn't let me to walk "No, how is this for the best?" "Please don't make it harder" I say and I start to cry again. He hugs me and lets me cry on his chest.

"I love you" I say "What?" he asks and pulls away from the hug "I love you and it hurts so much. I thought... I thought that I could take this but I can't. I can't take this anymore. Everytime you would go out with a girl, it would rip a piece of me but I kept thinking that I'll be fine. Sometimes I even had the strength to wish she satisfied you. But last night, I don't know how you do it but you broke me in a way that nobody else had done before. So I'm sorry but I have to go in order to move on" I say crying and he just stands there looking at me. "Why didn't you say anything?" he asks "You're kidding me, right? Are you really asking me this? Look at me Dean. There is no way that you would feel the same thing about m--" I say but he interrupts me by crashing his lips against mine. The feeling of his lips against mine made me melt. But he doesn't mean it. I'm sure of that.

I gently push him away "Why? Why are you doing this?" I ask still crying "What?" he asks "Wow, you really enjoy hurting me, don't you? Let me tell you something Dean, I'm not gonna be anyone's sperm bucket, not even yours" "What? No, I'm not using you. Damn it (Y/N), I love you. I love you and I can't live without you. Because everytime I picture myself happy, is with you. But if you remember, the first days you came to the bunker you said that you hate guys that sleep around all the time. So I stayed back and told myself that it's better this way".

"Haven't you noticed the way I am acting when I'm around you? That you always make me laugh even with the worst jokes? That I get a bit mad at you after I smell her perfume on you, like I did this morning?" "I'm sorry it took me so long to see it" he says and kisses me again "I'm sorry I didn't do this earlier" he says and kisses me again "I'm sorry it took me till now to say it" he says and kisses me again "I'm sorry I hurted you" he says and kisses me again "God, I can do this forever" he says and kisses me again and I chuckle.

We pull away and look at eachother "I promise to try to lose weight to make you like my body too" I say "No, I don't want that. You are beautiful. You are perfect to me. And don't ever again say that you have to lose weight for me, ok?" he asks and I nod. "What if I want to?" I ask "Only if you want to, then I'm gonna support you but remember you don't have to change anything for me or for anyone" he says and I nod. "I love you" I say "I love you too" he says and kisses me. "Let's go home now" he says and wraps his arm around me. He takes my bag and leads me to the car.

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