loading......99.9% "Beast" [#Wattys2022]

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"You?" Zen looked at him. Bazel smiled, his eyes dipped in pain something he couldn't share was just hidden in his eyes.

"I will take you somewhere, get in the car." 

"Where?" he looked at him.

'Someone who you once lied by calling her special."

Zen's lips sealed. Her memories haunted him. 

"Why are we stopping here? Zen looked at Bazel."

"Are they ready?" Bazel looked at the shopkeeper.

"Yellow roses, she loved them." Bazel looked at him. "From here we have to walk."  "Its a grave yard." Zen looked at the graves." You said you wanted to meet Naomi. Here she is." They walked from grave to grave. "there she is." He pointed, he walked to place the flowers on her grave. 

"Look Naomi, who I brought here with me." He looked at Zen.

 "I guess these belong to you." He handed him a box, with that he walked away.

He peeked inside a bag, where he found the last letter Naomi wrote him.

Hi Zen,

When people are changing, you don't leave them. I knew everything from the start. Things that are given in free loses its worth, just like that my love lost its worth when I gave too much to you. You made me fall in love with who I was, but after you, those blames, those words. They would flash in my sad eyes I forgave you the second my anger was gone but your attitude scratched my wounds and I decided to walk away. I was a shy person, you saw me hiding under covers. So how could you leave me to face the harsh world alone? I always looked for reasons to forgive you, but even from the start I was hurt by you putting me next to your options. The way life treated me, I was sensitive to everything. I was adjusting to your style. You introduced me to your friends, I just wanted to be friends with them because they all were journals that knew you, they used me instead. When life slapped me, I came to you crying, thinking you were my home, but there was nothing but a wall I had been trying to climb. You abandoned me when I needed you the most. And you sided with those people as if I never even mattered. When I came to you, I told you, I am afraid of falling in love, but you told me. "If love didn't go right the first time put twice an effort to make it count." I noted these lines in my heart.

You never opened your heart to me, you never told me what things bothered you, we could have fixed things. I never had second thoughts because I was so committed to my heart and the thought of you. But I realized it too late that I had been just an option you had. I believed in you, no matter what the world said. I walked deaf and blind to the things I saw. But things in my heart were so piled up that, that day I just couldn't hold back. When I saw those things my expectations had a dreadful crash.

I can't never deny, unlike you. I did loved you and I can't hide cause I didn't committed any crime if loving you was a sin. Yes I was a sinner. You knew me better than anyone. My book was all in front of you, I showed my love through my letters. I was so insecure to share them because I was afraid how will people judge me. Most importantly you! I had to put effort all these years to be someone respected. I gained that! But when I read those things you said behind me. Sorry was just a word. You lacked sincerity. Whenever I looked myself in the mirror. I felt fatshammed, you were the one who made me felt beautiful and special but all of those things that made me loved you were like delusional lies. You could have said those things at my face, it might hurt less.

The wounds you gave were deeper than any wound I have received. You placed me with people, like I was a filter to change your mood. You left me alone when you were going through bad times. Was I really part of you like you were mine? I let you made fun of me, I treated you like a best buddy, I let you see my stupid sides. I was never comfortable with people. I never really showed to anyone. Was I really worthy of such actions? I believed you loved me. How foolish! If you really loved me, you never had to treat me unjustly. Was it hard to tell me to go away? You didn't had to break my heart. What has it ever done to you? You always called people to prove them we had nothing, why? First it was Ann then it was Matilda.