loading......99.9% "Beast" [#Wattys2022]

46

Pain is sweeter only when its mutual. Every love has a flaw, only the real one's know how to take and give. 

I was desperate. The bubbles of my hopes moved up in the sky, foolish were they, when did anything without wings ever managed to stay. 

My heart was as much suffocated like a chicken head under knife. Here I prayed with my hands together begging God to heal his internal wounds and here he would do things like none of this ever mattered. Words are foolish they dance out from lips as if they are alcoholic but when they are sober they are silent. I looked at Zen maybe he could see the sleepless nights I had how I  burned my peace for him. I don't even know what he is going through and like a desperate baby bird I was afraid and out of hopes to fly. 

My heart wept and the brightest days I would throw more makeup and cover my naked face with layers and layers of makeup. Looking at my pitiful self made me felt sad. My heart would screech by the image of him in coffin. I tried thousand times calling him but none of this mattered to him. 

Should I just give up? I gave him too much of love and in return, I got endless torture though he never meant it but I have my right of happiness. I had spent innocent days knitting simple 100 to do list with him but not even one had I manged to do. 

"I want to change my field, I don't think I am well suited for this field I'm doing. My grades are falling and with the grades I have I will be jobless forever." Zen's fingers trembled. and his feet were as restless as his heart beat.

"I was doing fine, I was working hard but everything fell apart." Zen bowed his head.

"It's alright you can do it private." He looked at his dad, probably he had read those suicide notes.

"You will be under my monitor son." 

"Your mother is going home, it's a long journey. You should leave too. Change in environment is good for you."

Zen took out his phone, there was not one, but many were waiting to hear from him. 

The first person in his mind was. Matilda.

"I'm okay. I'm going back home. I will meet you before I'll leave." Zen scrolled through the messages.

"Zen! please be okay."

"Zen...Please don't do anything.."

There were many messages he read and he tossed it aside. He looked at the ring, he threw inside his cabinet the day he received it. He was silent. "I don't know, what I feel for you."

Zen took out his clothes, changed and went outside. His mind was blank he only did what came in his mind first. 

"I pray for us, oh God! everything gets fine and make Zen fall in love with me. And all his problems gets solved." Matilda sat at a sacred place, her belief in such places was as firm as her belief in God. 

"Oh God just like you cleared my bad sides, just like this help us get closer." 

She was heading back to her campus. She was a good prayer. "Matilda." A smile appeared at her face. A voice she could recognize from any hole. She turned back. "Zen!" She rushed to him. "Are you okay?"

If Zen was a book, Matilda knew about the chapters of his life. She knew how to get guys. "Experience." She had people who reported back about Zen. She was pissed. But she was flawlessly good at archery, her words would hit straight at point. She talked about random things and comforted Zen. Her words were less fact full but more impact full. She would use the verses of holy books and put in ways that could put a crystal clear image of her. "You see Zen!"she said as if honey came out of her words. "When we get too far away from God, he creates situations for us to come back to him. Because God loves us all."

Every time when Zen would hear, he struggled about the girl she is. He knew she had a bad reputation but the way she made an impact on him. He knew she is the girl who can bring him on the right track. Because she was already successful in first attempt. 

She looked at him. She couldn't wait to ask him. Her lips were dry and her cords were itchy. "I heard you got engaged," She laughed between the lines in her temple coiling in anger.  "You got no one but a girl like her? you have no taste." Zen looked at her. "It was just a joke." He replied. She laughed again. "You have a terrible taste in girls, like your ex and this one both are two heavy bag of fat potatoes." Zen laughed. Matilda teased him. "She is just a friend." He looked in her eyes. And she loved the reflection of her eyes in his eyes. 

"So things are fair now?" She placed her hand over his hand. "I am going back" He looked at her thinking about how much he had to struggle and all his careers had an unfair end. "What?" Matilda was sad. "I will miss you." Zen said. 

Zen had too much space. On the top of that he was unsure of his feelings for Matilda and Naomi. Matilda comforted him. "Everything happens for the good." They were close. 

"I want help!" Zen asked her. Matilda recalled. Her painful moments.

"I want to marry Isabelle." Matilda's heart sank as the words hit her. She prayed endlessly for the marriage not to take place. But she hid it in her heart. With a heavy heart, she tolerated as she already suffered the consequences. She proposed Zen the whole university knew it. But some people couldn't handle it. If only she was careful Zen would have accepted her proposal cause he had always fantasized about a girl proposing him. And she was quite a holy person. A guy appeared and had declared that they are dating. When Zen saw this his head swirled and he swore that playing with him will make her regret. Matilda told everyone. "I'm sick." She would go to her holy place beg God to give her a chance, she was wrong, she wasn't sure about her feelings. But they grew for him in time when he treated her like his little princess.

Zen meanwhile asked people if she came to the premises as he didn't wanted to see her face. Matilda was at home she thought about many possibilities about how she can clear the mess she created. They say," by anger you can't drag a bull to its end but by blinding it you can ride endlessly." Everyday she would ask the keeper, if things can reverse or if she can clear things.

If one is not smart, combined decision can be wise. She jotted her confidence. "I did nothing wrong. "

Zen grew closer with Isabelle. That day, Matilda went after Zen. Her heart was burnt when she saw Isabelle. "What a perfect competitor." Zen knew what could hurt her. He caressed Isabelle knowing Matilda was one of them who had feelings for him even before Isabelle ever knew him.

"Can we talk?" Matilda knew the more quickly things are dissolved the less trouble they create.