loading......99.9% "Beast" [#Wattys2022]

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Destiny, something that fascinates us, something we had control over that's what we were told when we were kids. Destiny is like a prankster that leads us to our pre-written fate.

 "I will never fall in love again." It's like a joke I told myself. And destiny would poke its finger in its non existent nose and scratch some boogers out to place it on its index and throw it over me.   A person who can't bring justice to her own words is not a person at all, because that's how when a lesson is ready for you, you have to get it either you like it or hate it.

"Am I dead?" Warm air that was breathing on a ventilator. 

"I wish if  I was dead instead of anyone who desperately wanted to live ."

My eyes were so forced  as if they are pulled down by a magnetic force. As simple as Blinking  would take quite an effort.

I was lonely, And I had the brightest smile. I would get teary when people remarked "Your laugh has its own painful groan." That's how I lived , If life showered pebbles I fixed myself with materialistic wealth. "What is love." A person who has never been loved would tell you much better in action. Zen was the most loved person I ever knew, because a loved person could not give love because he had received it all and an unloved person would dream and wait for the right one to live dreams with him. I loved myself knowing, life is an individual war. You can't put blames on anyone's action because every thing has a fair judgement. A brightest thing about strangers is, sometimes you like them, sometimes you pass by them, sometimes you exchange words to know. Somehow its horrifying that if you let a stranger in your life you blindly give away your trust and they steal things you never know.

I closed my eyes, let it be a joke and I would laugh at my own dead meat. I felt a warm feeling swinging down the corners of my eye.  I'm alive. I laughed What is dead inside cannot die.

"Revenge?" I smirked. A weak person at heart can never be coy enough to take revenge on the cunning because their stupid heart would compel and tell them you have committed a sin..

Men is bound with his nature, no matter how much a beast likes his bone, he will always be attracted to a fresh piece of meat.

What about Zen? The angel asked.

"He is not mine, he will never be, people choose the best for them. People like me are too lost to be found and too replaceable to be picked, he will always have better versions, as long as he has people confessing him."

The door banged. I was alive, this all seemed just dreaming in the dark.

I screamed inside. Just an escape God! the endless torture is too much to take. 

I gained consciousness, sitting alone made my belief stronger a man comes alone and will go alone, every relationship is as wordly as the wealth given to him. I always knew this, life like a colorless bubble, it will pop when it reaches its very own destruction.

"You are very lucky to have survived, most people die in such suicidal attempts."

"Why have you even saved me?"

"It's our job."

"Life.. You see doctor, when some people choose to die, you have no authority to force them to live such treacherous life."

"We are only blinded by our own built fantasies dear. Besides, you are too young to die."

Too adult to bear, but too young to die? I laughed sarcastically. 

"When I was of your age, I had issues, I thought everyone hated me. I wanted to be an architect but my family wanted me to be a doctor so I had a distorted image of future. Look, here I am living a satisfied life. Fate has always the best of us."