loading......99.9% "Beast" [#Wattys2022]

24

What could be worse than death, the feeling of helpless look. Panicking and telling yourself, you have to be brave. Just so you could hear words, "I know, I will die." The door that holds the tsunami of your tears and just a little exit you need to have your worries float alone on a deserted yatch. Life as of now is like a small ship on a huge sea, sun at its peak, and hardships seems to have a new start with every ending.

I could still feel the terror. I might forget, but my legs will remember the trembling.

Just as I stared blankly at the windows my mind was oozing with thoughts.

I recalled. What I had been running from. An embarassing memory from the incident. Probably, I had also met an ironical tragedy this morning.

My heart was torn, the upheaval could not be worse than this.

Jess was in my arms, I laid her to the back of the bench. Might be I abandoned her. I walked through the crowd. And at times body just betrays for the sake of a muscle. My heart was the control room and eyes were just following orders.

I walked and walked till there was no walking. And there it was the broad back few inches away from me. My hands reached out. Fingers that crawled into his arms. By his surprise he turned to see the girl who had the guts to do that. My face leaned at his back and I knew at this point he could feel my warm tears rolling over his shirt. Not to forget, my mascara  drooled over his blue shirt. And that was hilarious. 

"I'm scared, There haven't been many people around me and I am losing my head. She says. Death is shadowing her. How could life be so cruel to me. I sniffed. I'm sorry, I am a meanie."

Silence was better than words, I could feel my hands trembling around him. Mind was blank, I could not ask this. Why? as of now I wanted to question myself, why did I walked up to him. Why I hugged him? 

He turned, as he break the silenece. "Look." Tears were not stopping and he repeated. "Look into my eyes."

"I feel pathetic." I answered.

"It is going to be alright."

"I'm sorry for your shirt."

And I walked away.

Now that I recall, I remember the scent, it was familiar.

Somewhere in my memory I know this scent. Its old, maybe it belonged to someone I think, I know.

"Shelly."

"There is something I want to confess."

She sounded blank.

"Can we meet?"

"When?"

"This evening?"

"I will meet you at 6."
----------------------------------------------------

"Your eyes looks dark." Said Shelly.
"I have not been able to sleep."

"Naomi?"

"I looked at her."

"You are facing depression right?"

"Should we order an ice cream shake?" I replied.

"You are trying to avoid a conversation, Naomi."

"Am I." I laughed.

"There is a guy issue. Right?" Said Shelly. "You know, you cannot lie at my face."

"I hugged a guy, I did not even know, what I was doing until I gained consciousness. I am so ashamed. He has a girl he likes and I feel like I have attacked him, even he purposely told me about this, I think he knows about my feelings, he is smart to guess. You know, I speak with my actions, for me to speak direct  thing is embarrassing."

"Naomi, you are in love."

"You are crazy." I answered." I just have a liking for him."

"He will probably be thinking I am like those girls who attack pretty faces. I do not want him to think this." 

"And that what makes you worried? not the other thing?"

"Shelly, I had experience with love, there is no way I will display my feelings, they are mine and I cannot hand over them to a guy who has many options and I do not wish to be someone's any option. "

"Then what is that you want? by any chance, are you still looking for him?"

"Yes, the guy from last year, I want destiny to set a meeting for us."

"You should tell him, he is the one to decide. Do not be so harsh on yourself."