loading......99.9% "Beast" [#Wattys2022]

41

"Are you really going to shift your field? I know you are doing this to get back at me! I'm sorry, I truly am."

"I am serious Panda."

"Don't go! I will miss you. Everytime when I look at your bike, it makes me happy, your presence under the same building makes me happy."

"Zen!"

"I have already filled the forms."

I was walking in fields, the clouds had something in them the golden daffodils, the quiet empty streets.

"The music played in my ears, it was the most repeated song in my playlist. Everytime this song would hit up. The moments of Zen and Isabelle and many girls appeared in front me. I would feel the feeling of jealousy and suffocation everytime he was with any girl I heared this song and right before my eyes, this scene reappeared. I walked side the bay.

"Now he will not be anywhere near me. He will be gone."

What if, we are no more? what are we even? you don't want to be friends, you are not even my boyfriend so what are we two bore people passing time? We get jealous, we fight, what will be in next ten years?

It broke my heart when sometimes he told me, "We are not what you think we are!" I never did anything wrong with you. So tell me Zen am I just a joke? These words would make me embarrass for the things I did for him, it was like I am a shameless person trying over and over. "Look at that shit" people would call him. I fought. "Anyone speaking ill, even if they are his friends, will be next to Cleropatra's grave. And they asked me what relationship I had to defend him, and I stood silent they would repeat "he is not the right person" but despite his flaws I only thought about his goodness. I always put a fight for him, and I never bragged about it and he would never know. Cause he was like my dress, if it got stained it would bring me shame.

I was sitting somewhere, I recalled. A friend of mine said she wanted Zen because she was lusty. I raged out because when anyone said anything about my friends or family no mattered how bad they were, I put forth a great fight and Jess has to drag me out of there and many times it happened.

I went back home after chilling my head, I realized I had dreams and so does he, if I have the right to choose for me so does he and I should cheer him.

"I'm sorry, I know I was mean and I was thinking about myself. I want you to know that I am always here, whenever you will turn back and see I will be sitting there waiting for you. I will never change. Work hard, get good grades, I know no one appreciated you so you stopped putting an effort, but I will, every time you will get good grades, I will give you a reward."

"Thank you!" he replied.

It was Monday. Sam and Jess were planning a double date. They repeatedly asked me. "What about you and Zen?"

"I don't know about Zen! but I will definitely come!"

"Ask him!" they asked. I recalled the first time when I asked him. And after that day I swore, I will never humiliate myself.

"Sam can you ask him? I don't think he will come."
"I don't have any issues, but I think you will feel his absence."

"We are planning a hangout do you want to join?"

"I am not sure besides I have classes." Zen replied.

I knew it..already. I smiled.

I got ready, with the hopes of him coming. I knew him but I sill anticipated his arrival.

We were waiting for dad to pick us. I looked up the sky, it was about to rain.

Sam and Jess were there. They waved at us.

"Zen is not coming?" Sam asked me.

I nodded. "Yes"

"Time is ticking, tik tok, the clock hands, keep pointing to you. I have lost all senses of direction, but it's showing me the way."

"Where should I go? Where should I look? All around me I can only see white faces."

"Time please stop! so I can see that beautiful light. In time, so in this time and in this place, you can come into my arms, I am waiting for you."

"Hands that we normally held so well, places we thought about why we couldn't at times."

"When I feel that these memories are foolish, when I think about feeling those moments as they become happiness, I bite my lower lips and write down the emotions in many notebooks.

In Time please stop, so I can see that beautiful light, in time, so in this time and in this place, you can come into my arms, I am waiting for you."

"Time is telling me, January, February to December. I'm looking around me, now erase all those numbers, when I count one, two, three. Come before me. Let me touch the precious you. I wish the time would stop, so that I could look at you now."

"Time please stop! so I can see that beautiful light, in time, so in this time and in this place, you can come into my arms, I am waiting for you."

"Naomi!" Jess looked at me. "What is wrong with Zen? Ask him, to come."

"He must be busy." I replied.

"This is not the way, Jess said. Give me your phone."

I stared outside the glass door, it started raining.

"Please don't be too harsh on him."

"Look at her, how sad she is. If you know if he is not coming, why do you keep staring at the entrance."

I was looking everywhere with the tiniest hope.

"Let's just go and order some food." Jess said.

"At the counter I looked a hundred times at the escalator and then I looked back at the menu. This time when I turned my heart beated so loud.

"Zen is here!" I said in happiness.

"Where?"

"There I pointed."

My phone beeped and Zen texted.

"I'm sorry, I know you were expecting me, but trust me I wanted to come, but it started raining and I have a fever."

I was delusional, never in my life, I was so disappointed and sad, a tear would come and a tear would go.

I posed a fake smile as I said Jess, "I am going to the rest room."

I entered the cubicle leaned side the door and I cried, my heart was so heavy, ever since Zen came in my life I have only tried to understand him. I loved him sincerely and doubted myself if he ever loved me?or I just think too much, everytime when I wanted him he would put forth million reasons for me to understand.

I wiped my tears. " I can bear it."

We went inside the shops. I went in all shops to buy him a Panda so whenever he looks at it, it reminds him of me.

This was me, no matter how much he unintentionally hurted me I always cared for him because that was true love.

Angela and Jess bought two similar rings but I bought one ring something that I could claim Zen with.

We both held a mini ceremony for them, basically I forced it on them because I knew they both wanted it so I helped in the process. They both promised, they will get back to me.