loading......99.9% "Beast" [#Wattys2022]

33

"Everyone working hard for their final project." Jess said.

It was a Monday morning, a fresh start of the weekend.

"Have you heard? Zen.."

Zen and his fangirls, I laughed.

"Is something going on with him?" Jess said.

"Who?"

"Zen!"

"I think, you should talk to him."

Jess pushed me. Zen was standing near the printer office.

"What happened?"

"I was looking for you, he paused you must be thinking, I was looking for Isabelle right?

"You are changing subjects!"

"I had a little fight with my dad."

"I have a project after that meet me here. I will be waiting for you."

The projects were all ready to display. Isabelle had the most Male audience and so did I. Mainly because my accent was pleasing to ears.

Zen sat at the stairs. This time I promised not to look at him. But I would still steal glances, he stared Isabelle. So I ignored him.

Naomi, jess grabbed me by my collar and hissed in my ears. "Zen is constantly looking at you."

I looked at her. "No way!"

After 15 minutes of display, Isabelle stood next to me, was it really, he was looking at me?

She must be delusional, I'm not his type.

After the display was over, Zen was vanished along with Isabelle. I didn't stalked him but we had happened to see each other. She was at his bike. She smirked. I guess, she too knew about those things.

So, I never mattered. I told him, I want to talk, but he preferred to go with her.

"Naomi!"

"Here! Take this."

"What is this for?" I looked at the box of sweets, I took a piece and another for Zen. They say if you are sad, sweet things enlighten your mood.

I waited knowing, I'm just deceiving myself. I sat there waiting for hours.

He said, he will give an explanation, but it never happened. The mess in my head grew more messier.

Just before busses arrived Zen came back to drop Isabelle. Isabelle looked at me in anger, something was on, without my knowledge.

Zen walked pass me. I felt pathetic, he had hurt my pride countless times. I had the candy in my hand. I threw it.

It was a moment that had hurt me the most, I asked myself. "What was I to him? Just because he called me special, I treated him like a King? I loved him because I wanted to feel a pure love? I was delusional. I was mad, I was hurt, I wanted to weep. I was strong, but his love was a weakness.

Isabelle and her friend giggled discussing about how she read my letters and how shameless I was. She added. "Zen eyes are of emerald if you look up close."

"How do you know?"
"We had a moment together."

She knew, after hearing those words, I was sensitive to whatever Zen had told his friends about me. I will never write anything for him. I show the token of my love like this, and he tells people, and those people make fun of me tell me how lowkey desperate person I am? Direct things can be talked but indirect things call for a war.

I once hold a hand, I hold it so tight, that when somebody tries to slip, I won't let them fall. That's for me love is.

I had so many questions piled up, things I wanted to ask him. It was like poison, that could hurt the roots. But Zen never had time for me. It was like I was special for non existant purpose.

I was at the door mentally worn out just to enter another hell.
I couldn't sleep as I connected the series of how Zen treated me. Sometimes, I wanted to do the same with him. I gave him love and he gave me stones.

It was midnight, Zen called me.

"I'm in so much pain!" Zen moaned.

I was mad but I couldn't bare it.

"Today, I don't know what I was doing, I was sitting somewhere Isabelle came to me. She forced me to go." He paused. "I'm playing with her." Zen confessed.

Then what about me? If helping someone can turn into a play for your enjoyment. Then I am also one of them?

"The reason, I am not like this to you the way I am to others is, you are pure. I am showing her off. But when its you, I don't want to do this all."

Lies.. you loved her, that was in your eyes, as clear as a crystal.

"Wait, let me take my injections."

"What do you mean?"

He moaned again.

"Tell me, what's wrong."

He sighed again.

"I have cancer."