𝐁𝐓𝐒 𝐗 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒

I'm Sorry (Jungkook)

A/n: this contains mentions of suicide and self harm.

Third Person
Third. It was the third call (M/n) missed this week. It's only Tuesday. Jungkook was out of town, visiting family in Busan. Meanwhile, his boyfriend was falling further and further into a depressive episode. He hasn't been himself this whole month, and Jungkook hates to see him like this. He would do anything to be with him right now but now was the only time he had off, being an idol with a hectic schedule, and he needed to see his family in his hometown too.

Jungkook dialed in his boyfriend's number once more, only to be met with an eerie silence, before being switched to voicemail mode almost instantly. "Hey, this is (M/n). I can't talk right now, leave a message." The pre-recorded message rang around in Jungkook's ears.

He was all too familiar with that message.

Sure, the sweet voice of (M/n) always calmed him and made him feel at ease, but this time not even that could help the pit that was forming in his stomach, and the droplets of perspiration seething from the palms of his hands. (M/n) was not okay this time.

(M/n)'s POV
Four. Four missed calls, four weeks since I've felt alright. Four years since I last cut, four minutes since I broke my clean streak. I didn't bat an eye. Warm, crimson liquid seeped from my wrists onto the tiled floor. My heart was thrashing  wildly in my chest as if it were a caged bird, willing to be set free. The blood clotted and the droplets dried and stained my skin, and my eyes darted about the room in a panicked haze.

The walls seemed to be closing in on me, my chest seemed to knot up and tighten itself more and more by the second. My breathing sped up and all I could hear was the out of tune beating of my heart and then..

Nothing.

"(../n).. (M/n).. baby please wake up" A voice, a familiar voice. A soothing voice. The voice of my lover, the voice of Jungkook. My wrists felt tight but I held on to his hand weakly, and the faint sound of sirens could be heard from down the street. Everything was a blur, but he was beside me and I was going to be okay.

I was helped into a vehicle, an ambulance vehicle, by a kind young woman in a paramedics uniform. My legs felt weak and numb from the pills and cuts and loss of blood, and my eyes were bloodshot. I'd sliced several veins on both my wrists, I didn't mean to go so far but the numbness makes it easier to just keep going on and on. My head was in a whirr of thoughts and the stinging pain in it didn't help at all. But I was holding his hand, Jungkook's hand, and he was beside me. "I'm so sorry I left baby, when you needed me most. Just please hang in there, I promise you'll make it out of this okay." He said in a quiet, reassuring tone. "I-I'm sorry.." Was all I could manage to say. "Don't be, I promise I'll do everything I can to help you out. I'll visit you every day until you're out of the hospital. We will get through this together." Once again, the reassuring words of my boyfriend danced limply in my ears and I was helped into my hospital bed where they treated my wounds and hooked me up to IV tubes.

Twelve. Twelve days since my relapse. Jungkook kept his promise. He visited me everyday until I was discharged from the gloomy hospital building, and when I returned home he captured me into a warm embrace and a loving, passionate kiss. I've been going to see a psychiatrist five days a week since then, and my self destructive thoughts have luckily been at bay.

**timeskip**
Jungkook's POV
It has now been a month since (M/n)'s episode, and his mental and physical health has been improving more and more each day. It was hard to deal with it when we first got together, but now he can deal with me being away from him and we FaceTime after every show when I'm on tour, and I can see the glow of happiness start to form on his beautiful face. He's back at work now so I decided I should do something for him while he's away. Being the artistic guy I am, I decided I would celebrate his one month clean from self harm by painting a portrait of him.

A week ago was when I first noticed he seemed happier, the bags under his eyes had faded and his cheeks had a flush of pink in them once again. The early morning light peeled through the window on the far left of our bedroom, illuminating the curves of his face, making him look like a sleeping angel. I snapped a picture of him and kept it until today, where I will paint that picture for him for when he gets home from work.

I pulled out the brushes I needed, and the acrylic paints from my drawer. I attached the canvas onto my easel and began blocking in the shape of his face, the paintbrush gliding across the canvas effortlessly with the help of the smooth paint. I added in the tints and tones and shapes and forms and before I knew it, my baby's beautiful face was reimagined onto the canvas.

I was so proud of this one. Not only cause it captured that moment perfectly, but now I had a study of my boyfriend's near perfect features and stunning beauty set on the canvas. He was my masterpiece.

Once I was done cleaning up all my art supplies, I slipped a cloth cover over the now dry portrait of (M/n). Soon enough I heard the keys being turned in the door and he stepped in and I smiled nonchalantly, welcoming him back with my signature bunny smile. "What's this, Jungkook?" He pointed to the covered up painting and with one swift motion I lifted off the covering and his face instantly lit up, and I could see the tears of joy streaming down his blushing cheeks. "You like it?" I asked, smiling and capturing his small form into a warm hug. "I love it, I love you." He said, his voice muffled from hiding his face in my shoulder. "I love you too baby, I'm so glad you're doing better."