BTS Angsts

Kim Taehyung - Wish you cared

Dear Taehyung,

Sometimes it feels like you just don't care.
Maybe it's the way your smile drops when you catch me stare.
Or how you stopped people from calling us the perfect pair.
Even though you say that you do, there are times when it feels like what you said just isn't true.
It's okay though Taehyung, I understand.
But I'll always miss the touch of your warm hand.
Why would anyone want to care about me anyway?
That's one of the reasons why I just can't stay.
I lost my smile and my will to live, but it's been like that since we were kids.
I no longer feel happiness due to the war of voices in my head, and I'm guessing you're tired of wiping all the tears that I've shed.
But Taehyung...
You were the only person that made me feel happy. You made me feel loved.
But God, were those feelings just tricks from the heavens above?
You made me smile and laugh even when I thought I could never experience those actions again.
But Taehyung, I haven't truly smiled since we were ten.
You told me that even though my smiles were rare they brightened up your day.
But I haven't smiled in ages and you seem to be okay.
You still wear the same bright rectangular smile that is always on your face.
In fact, it seems to be even brighter when I'm out of your space.
So what is the truth Taehyung?
Do you care about me or not?
Because I'm tired of crying over you after each fight that we've fought.
If you don't care about me then that's okay.
But the thing is Taehyung, you were my only reason to stay.
I know now for sure that this life isn't worth living.
Even though you told me I should be grateful for what I've been given.
It's selfish of me Taehyung but I have to go.
I'm losing this battle, I just won't let it show.
You'll be okay without me, right? Of course you will.
Because my existence was never that much of a big deal.
To you or to anyone, it was just a waste.
But you won't need to worry once these pills take their place.
Losing me isn't a loss, I know that now.
So I'm sorry Taehyung for always weighing you down.
Thank you for all the memories that we've made.
I'll remember them forever even when I'm put in my grave.
Don't blame yourself Taehyung, this is my own fault.
The battle in my head just needs to come to a halt.
If you forget me, it's okay.
Sometimes I just wish you cared enough for me to stay.
I love you Taehyung, I always will.
But you'll find someone to help you feel even more fulfilled.
Goodbye my love, take care of yourself.
And throw away the empty bottle of pills left on my shelf.

- Y/N

[Part 2 coming soon]