BTS Angsts

Jung Hoseok - Alive?

(Requested by PoisonCookie22 )

<Hoseok's Pov>
My name is Jung Hoseok.
Singer. Dancer.
The so called "happy virus" of the group. In reality, I suffer from depression and anxiety. I just don't show it for the fans or the other Bangtan members. I have to bottle up everything to keep my career. It sucks. My manager doesn't even care if I'm depressed. I'm so annoyed these days I can't even function. Today, we're going to a fan meet. Again. I'm so tired. Can I not just have a break? It's so exhausting pretending to be happy. I walk through the hall area where the meet is being held and I see hundreds of fans that are lined up, guarded by security officers. Their screams and squeals fill the room and I scream and squeal just like them as part of my "act". I see them all smile at me but I feel no emotion as I stifle a smile back. The meet finally starts and I'm greeted with a girl. Then another. And another. I've only met three girls and I'm already getting tired. I have a drink and just keep going, hoping it will be over soon....
~Time Skip~
<Hoseok's Pov>
We're finally down to the last few girls and I can feel my sweat pouring down my face. Our stylist got the other boys to wear cool and fashionable clothing whilst I got this drably coat even though we're in summer! I can't take it off because my shirt is just as sweaty. I meet the last girl and we actually stare into each others eyes for a bit. Not actually saying anything. I feel myself getting lost in her eyes yet I catch myself back into reality as she breaks our eye contact and rummages through her bag. I see her pull out a small envelope as well as a gift box and a large piece of paper. "T-this is for you Hoseok." She says nervously as I gladly accept the gift. Something about her makes me feel different. I don't know what it is but I feel as though my brain is sending thousands of jolts through my body as I look at her. She is...unique. I've never seen anyone like her before. In all the fan meets I've been to, this girl seems to stand out. I divert my attention back to the gift she gave me and I open the box eagerly. My heart skips a beat as I see a small pin inside shaped as a heart with a small crack on the side. "The crack represents that everybody is broken but they can still remain whole if they keep believing that things will get better." She explained. Her hand reached over to the pin and flipped a notch behind the heart. I watched in amazement as the crack slowly started fading away and the heart was now whole. Before I could ask where she got it, I see the envelope next to the box and decide to see if my answer lays inside. The letter reads:
Hello Hoseok!
My name is (Y/N). I adore you so much. Not just because of your looks or because of your personality. But because you are who you are, which is just amazing. I understand that being famous can be hard at times but remember that you have ARMY! I'm a proud ARMY and I am so happy to call you my bias. Please be safe as you continue your journey of fame. I know that I'm just another fan, but I hope you enjoy your gift (that I made myself). Please enjoy the fan art too! Even though I'm not the best artist, I hope it's okay.
I love you so much!
Fighting!

I have tears in my eyes as I finish reading the letter. (Y/N) notices instantly and hands me a tissue from her pocket. I smile through the tears and shake her hand as the bell signifies that the fan sign is officially over. Before (Y/N) leaves, I scribble my number on a piece of paper and hand it to her. "Call me later." I whisper. She shows a gentle smile which sends butterflies through my stomach. For once in my life I feel happy. I finally have something to look forward to.
I think I've found my reason to live.
I've found my reason to be...

Alive

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