BTS Angsts

Jeon Jungkook - Galaxy

The loss of Taehyung had really hit Jungkook hard. The other members were also impacted, but Jungkook took his loss the hardest. He wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, and resulted his woes to alcohol. In the darkness of his own room, there sat Jungkook. Beer bottle in hand and his eyes reading the letter that Taehyung had left behind for the hundredth time.

>>>

To my best friend Jungkook,

I'll always love you like my brother.

You're the only one out of all the members that actually seemed to care about me.

I don't know what it is about you that makes my sadness go away.

Maybe it's the way your fingers fit perfectly in between the gaps of mine when you hold my hand so tightly on stage.

Maybe it's the way your surprise hugs make me feel safe, even when my mind is full of negativity.

Maybe it's the way you're always there when my eyes have turned to oceans, and the thoughts in my head are beating the life out of me.

Maybe it's the way your touch calms me down in an instant, even when I'm having a breakdown.

Maybe it's the way I can see galaxies in your beautiful brown eyes whenever I look at you.

I don't know what it is about you Jungkook, but I'm so grateful to have shared this strong friendship with you.

For everything that you do and everything that you've done, thank you.

I know you told me to keep fighting.

You told me not to listen to the voices in my head and just listen to you.

But it's not easy to just block them out.

I can't fight against my own mind.

These voices in my head are destroying me, and even though you're here by my side - they're telling me that you shouldn't.

They tell me that you're better off without me, and that I'm just a burden to you.

Jungkook, you told me that what those voices said wasn't true, and I want to believe you but I can't.

You tell me just to ignore them, but you don't know how hard that is for me.

I know now Jungkook, that what they are saying is true.

I know that I'm an emotional train wreck.

For someone older than you, I'm not doing my job as your hyung - and I'm so sorry.

I'm a burden.

I'm worthless.

Ugly.

Unwanted.

I'm nothing.

You'd be better off without me.

So, Jungkook, my dongsaeng.

I need you to be strong for me, okay?

Live for me Jungkook.

Live for all the days I couldn't, and cherish
every moment that you have on this Earth.

Don't fall into the dark hole like I did.

Take care of yourself, and don't abuse your body like I know you do.

Just live for me Jungkook.

I'm sorry I left you Kookie, but I hope you understand why.

Thank you for being there for me, but now you won't have to worry anymore.

Remember, you're never alone.

Just because I'm not with you, doesn't mean that you're alone.

I'm sorry for doing this, but just remember that;

I love you,

More than you could ever imagine.

>>>

Jungkook's cheeks were stained with tears even though he had read the letter a hundred times before. The pain in his chest didn't subside as he remembered every moment that he had shared with Taehyung. Jungkook didn't stop his tears as he banged his fist against the table in frustration. Jimin heard his commotion and quickly rushed over to the maknae with concern. "Jungkook?! Stop, your hands will bleed!" Jimin shouted in panic. But Jungkook didn't care, and continued to hit his fist on the table, making the beer bottles break against his skin. Jimin pried Jungkook away from his table and towards his chest for a tight hug. Jungkook collapsed against Jimin, letting his tense shoulders relax as he melted into a ball of sadness and grief. "I couldn't save him!" Jungkook cried as Jimin held him close, holding back his own tears. "No one could have saved him Jungkook." Jimin said, his voice only a whisper. Jimin let the maknae cry against his chest, not worrying about his shirt getting wet by his tears. Silent sobs wracked Jungkook's body as Jimin rubbed circles on his back to try and calm him down. "I miss him so much." Jungkook whispered in between sobs. Jimin sighed and nodded his head. "I know Kookie, I miss him too." Jungkook whimpered at the familiarity of the nickname but bit his lip to stop him from breaking down again. "Remember Jungkook." Jimin pulled away and faced his dongsaeng. "If you saw the galaxy in Taehyung's eyes, then that's where he is now." Jimin explained. Jungkook paused for a moment before nodding slowly as he began to understand what Jimin had said. After the two boys talked for a while, Jimin left to go and practice whilst Jungkook stayed behind. Jungkook looked at the many selfies he had taken with Taehyung on his phone, and a small smile formed on his lips despite the tears that rushed down his face. "I hope you're doing okay up there." Jungkook mumbled to the picture on his screen, touching Taehyung's face with his thumb. "the galaxy is yours Taehyung." A tear slipped down onto his phone screen but he didn't bother to wipe it away. "But the most beautiful galaxy..."
Jungkook continued, not worrying about his rambling in his silent room.

"the most beautiful galaxy is you."