BTS Angsts

Jung Hoseok - Sunshine

The school bell rang and students rushed out of their classes to get to their lockers and go out for recess break. I didn't rush. Simply letting the tsunami of people push past me just to make the most of time outside class. When I eventually reached my locker, I put my books away before locking it and walked to the bathrooms. It was empty, with everyone outside enjoying the bright sunny day. I placed both hands on the sides of one of the sinks and stared down at the basin in front of me. Not daring to look at my reflection. My heart beat quickly in my chest. 'What is this? Why am I scared?' I thought, as I gripped the edges of the sink tighter. Unknowingly, my eyes filled with tears and I let them roll down my cheeks and into the sink. My knuckles turned white as I slowly moved my head up and was met with my reflection. I stared at myself, wanting to look away but the will to do so was not strong enough to change my actions. I simply stared at the reflection in the mirror, wondering how that could be me. 'You look so broken (Y/N)....how can someone look so broken?' I whispered, not caring about the tears that continued to flow. My eyes became tinted with red, as well as my cheeks and nose. I couldn't look away. I wanted to scream as I felt myself become lost in my own head. The need to end life at this very moment spiralled around in my head. 'I don't want to live....I don't want to live...' I mumbled, finally prying my eyes away from the mirror and staring at the ground. I pulled my hands away from the sink and walked towards the door, opening it with shaky hands. As I stepped out, my body came in contact with someone else's and I became flustered with embarrassment. 'S-sorry...' I managed to stutter quietly before bowing my head slightly and proceeded to walk away. But I was stopped in my tracks by the feeling of someone grabbing the sleeve of my blazer. I turned to see the 'school's sunshine'  looking at me with concern in his eyes. "Are you okay? Have you been crying?" He asks. His voice is so gentle that he could talk for hours and I wouldn't mind. I snapped back to reality and mumbled a reply, just audible enough for him to hear. "I-I'm fine.." I tried to walk away but he grabbed me again and spun me around so I was facing him. "What's wrong?" He asks. I didn't know why he was concerned about me, I'm a nobody yet he is the most popular boy in school. I bit my lip as I considered my reply. 'Should I open up to him?' I thought as I felt tears form in my eyes once more. Before I could reply, he took my small hand in his and dragged me to a spot behind one of the big oak trees. He sat under the tree in the shade and patted a spot next to him, motioning me to sit down. Reluctantly, I did and he showed a bright smile. "I'm Hoseok by the way, but you can call me J-hope!" He said enthusiastically. I tried to smile but could only nod at his greeting. Hoseok took my hands in his and looked at me with pleading eyes. "Please tell me what's wrong.." He said, squeezing my hands a little tighter. I looked at him and felt tears roll down my cheeks. I couldn't hold them back anymore. "I don't want to live anymore..." I whispered. Hoseok's eyes saddened and he quickly wiped my tears away before pulling me into his embrace. I let myself go. I sobbed in his arms as his heartbeat drummed against my ear. "It's okay (Y/N)...it's okay..." He said as he rubbed my back. I had no idea how Hoseok knew my name but was such a mess of tears that I couldn't think twice about it. We stayed like that for a while until I eventually calmed down. The tears stopped and Hoseok pulled away but still kept out hands intertwined. "Please don't leave this world (Y/N)..." He begged, looking at me with sad eyes. "Why do I have to stay?..." I asked, biting my lip. A smile tugged at Hoseok's lips before replying. "because I love you..." My heart skipped a beat at Hoseok's confession. Out of all the people in the school, Hoseok chose me to love. It didn't seem right. "I don't deserve love Hoseok." I stated, trying to stop my voice from shaking. "You do.." He replied, not wasting a second for me to state another reason. "You are so unique in your own way (Y/N), but you just don't see how beautiful you are." He explained. I felt my heart flutter at his words and wrapped my arms around him for a hug. He gladly accepted and hugged me tightly with a big grin on his face. "Even if you don't love me (Y/N)....please give me a chance to show how much you mean to me.." He said as he hugged me tighter. I pulled away and looked at him. A smile tugged at my lips and I nodded slowly. "Okay.." I replied softly. Hoseok smiled from ear to ear and pulled me in for another warm hug before planting a light kiss on my forehead. "I love you (Y/N).." He whispered and I showed him another smile. "I- I love you too." I stuttered and Hoseok grinned again. We spent the rest of the day together hand in hand. This was the first time I'd felt happy.
All because of Hoseok.

My sunshine.