Justin Bieber interracial preferences *editing*

unhealthy relationship

*first person

He doesn't love me. Nope, not at all. Our relationship hasn't been the same for a couple years now and I still couldn't pin point what exactly went wrong.

Jason used to look at me with so much love and amusement, and now his eyes hold dullness like dark clouds.

I've been trapped in this on/off relationship for a dangerous amount of time. Each passing day, Jason gets more aggressive and I fear for my life.

He'd always come home drunk and if I try to tell him to stop going down such a careless road, he gets angry and usually hits me. I care about Jason so much, its unreal. I've always been with him for the longest and I know him in and out like nobody else. I know him, I know his heart.

Jason also cheats on me. Well why don't you just leave him? You'd ask, but even myself,I don't know why I won't. He doesn't treat me as good as he used to, but my heart just won't let him go.

And I know deep down inside he cares about me, but its just something within him that just won't let it show. I love Jason so much no matter what he's put me through.

Sometimes he'd come home hurt and I have to bandage and care for him. He's most likely been fighting. He'd look at me while I'm tending to him and so much sorrow is in his eyes. He looks at me as if I deserve better. As if he knows what he puts me through and wishes he could take whatever he's done to me, back.

"I'm so sorry, y/n." He'd croak with tears forming in his eyes.

I'd just sigh and tell him it's alright. Its like I'm saying it more to myself.

I try to get on Jason's good side sometimes by pleasing him. Like doing small things like making his favorite food, buy things for him, give him small back rubs, things of that sort....but he never appreciated it.

Making love isn't really the same either. I don't really feel any passion whatsoever whenever we engage in sexual contact. Usually after his release, then we just stop, he doesn't even try to make me feel any pleasure.

I feel like Im wasting my time with him but, I just can't help but to go back to him every time. And he knows I'd always go back to Him.

Tomorrow is my birthday, and I really hope that Jason has even thought of something to do for me. Even through I already know he doesn't even care.

___

I woke up in the morning with a strong tatted arm wrapped around my waist. I sort of smiled knowing it was Jason.

The only time when he'd really hug me, was in his sleep. He'd always look so peaceful and humble when his eyes were closed. I loved that part of Jason.

I always craved the little things he'd do. Like, wanting me wherever he was..I crave a lot of things from him that I can't get.

Like his full affection. I just can't get it. I really hope that one day he can find a girl who would win all of his heart since its obvious I'm just not that girl.

I sighed slowly taking his arm off me so I could get up.

I showered, brushed my teeth and went downstairs to get breakfast.

When I turned on my phone, it started blowing up with so many notifications from people wishing me a fantastic day and a happy birthday.

It meant so much to me that so many cared and noticed. I just wished Jason actually gave a damn.

There was one message that I actually opened up. It was from my best friend Justin. Even though he was Jason's brother, he was completely different from him and seemed to treat me better, way better than Jason.

He was the kind of person I could vent to and tell him all my problems. He knew about me and Jason's toxic relationship. He always told me to just leave Jason and find someone better, but when he often brought up that topic I just dismissed it.

Best friend❤: hey love, have a happy birthday. Let's go out today and do something fun.

I smiled at the text.

Me: I'll see if its okay with Jason first.

Best friend ❤: you don't need that asshole permission for anything. If you wanna go out, go out. Its not like he cares about you anyway.

I signed.

Me: you're right.

______

It was about 8pm when Justin dropped me off at home. He insisted that we stay out later but knowing Jason, it was better to return home early.

I didn't want to upset him.

"Happy birthday, again y/n." Justin smiled giving me a hug. "Thank you so kuc for today. I really felt special and worth something." I said hugging him back tightly.

Justin took me to an amusement park, after that we went to a resturaunt, then chilled at his place. He was the best.

I slowly opened the door and closed it, locking it behind me. I took off my shoes and gently went up the stairs. Once I was in me and Jason's shared bedroom, I gasped and put my hand over my heart when I just saw Jason's head hung low as he sat in the edge of the bed with his fingers laced.

"O-oh um.." I said not knowing what to say.

"Where were you?" He asked lowly as he raised His head.

My heart started to beat. "I-i was out for a bit."

"I'm going to ask you again. Where were you?" He asked getting up.

"I went to celebrate my birthday at the movies."

He didn't look convinced.

"Birthday?" He asked.

"Yes. U-um today is birthday and I went out."

"You didn't say anything to me about leaving?"

"I didn't really think you'd care." I said quietly.

"You're right." He grinned.

I felt a pang in my heart but it was a familiar feeling so I just let it go.

Just when jason was about to turn away and leave, he came a little too close and rubbed his nose along my neck slowly.

He pulled away an flicked His eyes at me. "Who else did you go out with."

"Just with a friend. Ashley. I went out with my friend Ashley."

"Really? Because you smell like a fucking guy." He said clenching his jaw.

Just when I thought I was about to get hit, Jason just chuckled . "you don't mean shit to me anyways."

Yeah, I know..

"You can make your way out the door, now. I want to sleep alone tonight. Actually, I'm calling someone over." He said taking out his phone.

I just stood there, not believing the words that came out of his mouth. I didn't even realize the tears that were slipping out of my eyes.

"Did you not hear me?" He asked glaring at me. "I-i heard you. I just can't believe that you'd-"

"Yeah Chanel, -" Jason began as he pressed his phone to his ear.

I just swallowed the lump in my throat.

I got my things that I'd need for the night and went into the guest bedroom.

_____

I'm making a part 2 ❤❤❤❤❤❤

Even though tomorrow is my birthday, I feel I'll be making a part 3 and 4 to this.