Persphyni: I am Determined

104

Sleep came in waves. I shot awake five times only to sleep for four.

It would be dark, peaceful. Then the darkness would give way to the bodies in the gorge. Pools of dark red drowning them.

If I didn't shoot up wide awake after that image, my imagination would take over.

I'd be walking among the fallen only to come across my people. Harper and Monty were the first, their hands entwined. Miller, Octavia, and Indra near them.

The third time I made it past them, only to reach Murphy, Raven, Lyla, Molly, Clarke, and Madi's dead bodies.

The fourth time was the worst. I couldn't wake up, my mind wouldn't let me. Not until I saw everything.

I walked past Madi's body. Closing her eyes as I shed a tear that joined the others I had let slip. My feet walking further until I reached two bodies who were equidistant from me. One turned on their face, the other looking up towards the sky.

My feet dragged as I went towards the first body, the eyes of the male looking up towards the stars, a tear in the corner of his eye.

It was Kane. My father. His hair was grey and long, his beard shaggy just as I had last seen him before he left with Abby.

I knelt down and placed my hands on his. Covering the small leather book he held. Why he was holding onto it, I had no idea. But the sight of him dead made me want to scream.

Then I heard the voices. My head snapping up as I looked around the ridge. Voices bouncing off the rocks too dull to make out any words.

I rose on my own accord, my body no longer in my control as I was led to the body which lay face down. Tears already forming as I saw the black curly hair. My knees gave out as I crashed to the rocky floor. My hands shaking as I rolled him over, a cry leaving my lips as I saw his arms holding something. Protecting it.

I leaned over his body, wretched sobs leaving my lips as the voices slowly rose louder. Each one coming out clear as if a radio was being tuned.

"Why did you leave?"

"You were supposed to lead."

"This is your fault."

"I can't believe we trusted you."

"I should have known you were going to go off on your own. It's what you always do."

I let out a frustrated yell as the voices ransacked my ears, the sentences on repeat as I rose from my slouched position.

"You never can be apart of a team."

"Always have to try to be the hero. But you know you're forever the villain."

"You should have been here."

"You should have been here to stop us."

"Why?"

I shook my head.

"Shut up!" I roared, covering my ears, desperate to wake up. "I did. What I thought was right." I spoke over the voices. Repeating the words again.

"Really? You thought leaving was right?"

"Despite what you think, you're not a god!"

"I know!" I roared, my hands falling from my ears. The wind grew silent. "I know." I whispered.

"Do you though?" My back tensed as I rose from the ground. "Do you know?" I turned, facing the one person I never thought I'd see again.

"Hello, Nameless." I glared, at the man. My hands rising to my daggers. "Always so vicious. But I'm not here to fight with you. You're doing a wonderful job of that yourself."

"Then tell me why you are here." I hissed out, standing to my full height to face Perrington. The shadow I thought I finally killed after Alie.

"I'm here to remind you who you are."

"What? A killer?" I grounded out through gritted teeth.

"Among other things, yes," he chuckled darkly, "but no."

"You're a fighter." I looked in the direction of the new voice. "You've always been." My tough act dropped as I saw Lincoln standing to my right.

"Linc-" he held out a hand to stop me.

"You need to be quiet and listen." I nodded. Waiting when I heard another voice.

"People believe in you because you gave them a reason to believe." I turned to see the little boy I saved from the fire so many years ago.

"Gideon." I felt a sob rise in my throat.

"I believe in you. So many people believe in you." He continued. "But now you need to believe in you."

He smiled at me and that's when I felt the warmth trail down my face. I closed my eyes.

"Why are you crying?" I opened my eyes at the soft female voice, the rock faded to walls of grey.

"Because losing people you love is sad." I responded.

"Then why don't you do something about it?" I turned, the world growing dark as I stared at a young redhead. Her face marked in red blood. She wore baggy black clothes, her eyes were tired, but the green burned with a fire.

I sighed, kneeling to the ground.

"I will. I promise." The girl took a step forward.

"Why are you kneeling?" I furrowed my eyebrows, blinking to see an older version of the girl. She was dressed in all black. Two daggers at her side, a leather jacket on as she stared down at me with crossed arms.

"I-uh."

"We do not kneel." I pushed off from the ground, speechless as I looked at the red headed. Still younger than me, but her green eyes held a fire which burned hotter than the girl before. Yet there was darkness swirling within them as well.

She scoffed at me making me widen my eyes.

"When did you become so soft?"

"I'm not soft."

"Yes you are."

"Being soft and being smart are two different things." I argued. The redhead smirked at me.

"So calculated. So much care. Maybe the ground was good for us. You've actually got a heart."

"Now you just need to remember the fight." I couldn't react fast enough as she kicked me. Her foot colliding with my chest. I started falling backwards. My past self fading into the black as I continued to fall until I stopped in the woods.

I waited silently, waiting for something else to appear.

A cry came from behind me. My eyes narrowing in on a bundle. The same bundle that was in Bellamy's arms.

I ran, dropping to the ground as I picked up the blankets. The small grinning face of Spring looking back up at me. I let out a teary laugh as I stood back up, her hand raising as she touched my cheek. Her hair puffed out.

"Peh-rse inni."

I was so entranced with the child that I didn't hear the footsteps coming my way. Only the growl from beside me.

When I turned to my left, I only saw glowing golden eyes in the bush before my body felt like it was being tugged backwards.

The growl came again, but before I could see what was jumping out of the bush, I woke up.

Sweat dripped down my face as I ripped the blankets off me. A hand to my sore chest. My eyes taking notice of the moon through the leaves.

Night had fallen. And soon, so would the intruders.