Persphyni: I am Determined

8

I wish I could have pretended I didn't hear her. I wish I could have kept quiet. But it made me curious. And well, curiosity killed the cat.

"What did you mean by 'if all there is is pain and suffering'?" Clarke jumped as I spoke with my eyes closed. Her actions stopped as she just plopped into the passenger seat she had been trying to slip back into previously.

"You heard that?" I nodded, keeping my eyes closed. Staying silent while I waited for her to answer. "Jasper said it. In the letter." I furrowed my brows about to ask when she explained further. "I. I uh, read the letter to Monty."

I sat up faster than she was expecting. My eyes wide as I turned to face her. What was she thinking? I know she misses them but seriously?

"I know. I know. I shouldn't have and I'll face the consequences of it, but I couldn't help it." I huffed and turned to face the steering wheel. I shouldn't have told her about where I put Monty's letter. Sneaky blonde. Smart, but sneaky.

"Curiosity killed the cat." I spoke as I adjusted the seat back to my preferred driving position.

"Yeah. I know." She sighed. "But, uh, satisfaction brought it back." She tried. I give her props.

"And then it's friend felt betrayed, so then it had to pay." I felt her breath hitch when my voice dropped octaves at the end. "No more snooping Clarke. I know there isn't much to snoop on with the majority of the population dead. But you have got to understand your boundaries. You had no right. Absolutely none. The only reason you read my letter is because I let you. I thought it might have satisfied your need for familiarity, but I guess not." I sighed and turned to look at the blonde.

"Clarke." She slowly turned her head towards me. For a moment I almost laughed at the sight. She looked like a little kid being scolded. "I'm not mad. I'm a little disappointed. But truthfully, I may have done the very same thing. No. I would have done the same thing. I understand that your feeling lonely, but that letter was private. It was addressed to Monty and Monty alone. We have to respect others' wishes. Even those who aren't here anymore." She nodded and I gave her a tight-lipped smile.

"And now that that's out of the way, let's listen to something. Take it away DJ."

She smiled and laughed as I over-dramatically shot her finger guns. Her hands already reaching to plug in the iPod where we had created a playlist for our roadtrip.

Once the music began to play, I stepped on the accelerator and we were gone.

As we drove throughout the desert, the barren plans, the leafless forest, the hills, the lifeless earth- I found myself feeling hopeful.

We could do this. We could survive.

Only if we found water first.

And thank you to whoever was listening to my internal thoughts because low and behold there just to the east of us was a storm gaining on us.

I drove up the side of a cliff, the bumpy road jostled Clarke awake as I floored it.

"Pers, slow down!" She squealed as she bounced in the seat. I laughed and kept driving. My hands changing gears as I maneuvered up the uneven terrain. Some parts flat and straight, others rough and inclined. It was fun. Other than my hand sweating as I kept us from diving over the edges.

"Pers!" I rolled my eyes as she screamed and pointed at the lump of rocks in front of us.

I smirked, then accelerated even faster. Moving out slightly closer to the edge but not over. My hand grabs the handbrake and I begin to steer into the turn. Once I was in the middle of the turn, I gave a quick pump to the breaks and engaged the handbrake. After I felt the rear tires lose traction I released the handbrake and let the momentum carry us around the bend. My foot landing on the accelerator as I regained power to maintain control of the Rover.

My heart raced with adrenaline as I drifted around the turn. Clarke's screams faded into nothing as all I could hear was the roaring of my blood in my ears. Nearing the end of the turn, I began to steer opposite the turn to get back on track, correcting the Rover on the suddenly straight and smooth path upwards. My smile settling into a softer one.

My adrenaline pumped still as I rode out the high. Clarke's scolding was nothing more than mumbled shouting where I didn't hear a single word.

"I can't believe you! Pers! Pers? Are you even listening?" I finally was able to hear her as I pulled into a stop at the top of the cliff. I felt my chest raise and fall quickly as I parked and turned to face her.

"Yeah, no. Didn't hear a word you said. Adrenaline rush." Clarke groaned and slapped her forehead. I laughed as I unbuckled the lap belt. "Oh come on. You can't seriously tell me that you didn't enjoy the thrill of that."

"Oh. The thrill of almost DYING! Oh yes! That is my favorite type of thrill. I love nearly being killed by an unlicensed driver." I rolled my eyes as she went off.

"Clarke."

"Driving is so much fun. Especially when I give my passengers heart attacks."

"Clarke."

"Oh look at me. I can drift. Whoop-dee-do!"

"Clarke."

"Let's just take ourselves out of the equation. Then we don't have to worry about dying from lack of nutrients."

"Clarke!" She shut up as I grabbed her shoulder. "Look. I'm sorry that I made you shit yourself. But we needed to get up here before that did."

"Before what did?" I smiled and put a finger to my lips. The sudden silence in the Rover allowed for us to hear the soft pitter-patter of the storm I had been trying to outrun.

"Is that?" I nodded. "Holy shit!" Clarke's eyes grew wide as she busted the Rover door open and jumped out.

I laughed and watched as she stepped out into the rain. A bright smile on her face as she began to spin around. It wasn't acidic, so bonus points.

Soon enough she was laughing all by herself. Her eyes lit up in childish wonder. I think she was starting to think she'd never see rain again. Up until I saw those storm clouds, I had thought the same.

She looked just as youthful and joyous as the first time she had seen rain. Damn. That was a long ass time ago. But they were so happy.

All the kids jumping around and playing in the rain. It brought a smile to my face as I thought of the better times. Then my smile turned watery as I let the tears fall down my face.

The rain also brought sad memories.

Lincoln was killed during a rain shower. My brother. My teacher. No amount of rain could cleanse that sin.

No amount of rain could cleanse mine either.

And I think I was okay with that.

It made me human. Just like my overwhelming thoughts and emotions.

Was I crying?

Yes. But they were a mix between happy and sad tears. Tears each shed for a memory of mine.

I think maybe it was time to begin to write the next chapter of my story.

Starting with finding a place to live.