Persphyni: I am Determined

6

I opened the box. And the first thing inside made my jaw clench.

I had known before opening this that I would find the belongings of a ghost. But I didn't think it could be one which haunted me for so long.

"Hey, Goggles." It was a soft whisper. One that meant well as I smiled sadly in the direction of the open box.

Jasper's ghost has haunted me since the mountain.

I pulled the iPod out and set it beside me. My hands reaching in to grasp the item that started it all. I smile brightly at the goggles. The large object seemed so strange to see again.

So much has happened between then and now. I can't begin to think about how everything was. Not without growing emotional. All those memories deserve to be cherished. And I will.

My eyes began to fill with tears.

"You've managed to make me a sappy mess. Are you happy now?" I gave a watery chuckle as I set the goggles to the side. My hands grabbing the next item.

A note addressed to Monty. I grabbed my bag and carefully placed it in a compartment alone to keep it safe. I set my bag to the side and went to put the iPod and goggles back in the box when another item caught my eye. It was a smaller folded piece of paper that was stuck to the side of the box, just out of eye sight.

I grabbed the folded up note and read the name it was addressed to. My breath catching in my throat as I felt myself get run over by a stampede of horses. Through teary eyes I unfolded the piece of paper and began to read.

Songbird.

You were such a strong beacon of hope. Your voice provided us strength when we needed it. Sleepless nights became nonexistent because we knew as long as you kept singing we would be okay.

Then we came down to earth. And you became a reality. You were no longer the mystery girl in the vents. You were Atlys. Persphyni. A leader. A badass. I really admired you.

Then, you showed us who Songbird really was.

A murderer. A killer. An apathetic, stone-cold, blood-thirsty, villain.

You're a villain. You will never play the hero because there's nothing to benefit you. If you need something you take it and you don't give a damn about the consequences. Everything you do, every move you make is only for personal gain. And you won't even bat an eye if you had to kill just to get your way.

That's what I thought for the longest time after Maya died.

Bitch. Murderer. Selfish. Killer. Villain.

Then I realized that there was no such thing. Villain. Hero.

Those terms are as make believe as the stories they belong to.

I said and did hateful things because I thought that you deserved it. I thought it would make me feel better. But all it did was make me lose my family.

I'm an asshole. A douche. A drunk pothead who doesn't give a fuck.

But I did. I gave too many fucks. It's why I was going to shoot my brains out. But I think this may be a better way to go.

Monty was the only family I had for a long time. We grew up together. Played together. Ate together. Smoked together. Got busted together. Went to jail together. Crash landed together. Everywhere I went, Monty was right there. My brother from another mother.

And then, this quiet chic jumped into a river with a dagger to save my life after I decided to be a heroic idiot.

Then she saved my ass from being grounder bait for a panther.

Then she scared a bunch of grounders off when we went on a search and rescue mission.

Next she managed to blow up a bridge to keep the grounders at bay.

Then she helped concoct a risky plan to save me from the hands of a psycho teen.

Then she single-handedly took down several grounders to keep them from breaching the main gate.

Next, she got herself trapped in a mountain to save our asses. Not only accomplishing what seemed impossible but she managed to save the Arkies and the grounders before we were used for blood bags.

After we were out, she managed to keep peace with the grounders and overturn a horrid dictatorship which would have killed everyone.

All while I was a total jackass towards her.

Furthermore. She toppled an artificial regime which would have killed everyone but kept their minds logged into a server.

Then she spent months finding a safe bunker to beat a radioactive storm, which she did.

All I could think was this quiet chic was a fucking badass warrior who worked her ass off to help get the people she cared about safe. And I began to understand.

Up on the Ark, you didn't have a choice. Not even after you killed your captor. But down here you did. And you did what you thought would be the best outcome. It wasn't just for you but for your family.

If you will still let me, I would like to remain apart of that.

I know I was all the things I said above. But most importantly I was a coward. I don't deserve to be called family. Not after what I did. And if I had time and could bare with myself, I'd make it up.

Yet my time has come to a close. My chapter is ending but your story is only just getting started. I know it may not seem that way, but you have so much left to live and this world has so much more to give.

I accepted your apology the first time you said it.

And if I may, I would like to apologize to you.

I'm sorry. I wish my pride would allow me to say it to your face but I can only write it in a letter that will never be read.

In the rare case it is, Persphyni, I missed having an older sister. You always managed to protect me even if it was from afar. Thank you.

Go finish writing your own story. I'll be waiting to see it unfold.

~ Goggles

p.s. I really do love that song you sung me. It really was a wild ride. But I can't cover up anything now. My fight is over. You have so much left to do. Don't miss me too much.

p.p.s. Keep an eye on Monty for me will ya? I don't think there's anyone better to ask than you.

p.p.p.s. Hehe, there's now triple the p.

p.p.p.p.s. All jokes aside. Can you and Bellamy name your first kid after me? So another Jasper can be as extraordinarily handsome as I was?

I'm kidding! No one will ever be as dashing as I was.

I hope you're laughing. I really did like your laugh. When Monty said your laugh was nice, he wasn't joking. You really should laugh more. You are less scary when you do.

Damn. I didn't realize I was trying to write two chapters! Enough of this sappy shit.

Go live your life. Fuck the haters.

But seriously. Jasper or Jordan are both very manly names for the product of you and Bellamy. That kid is going to be a hot mess of a heartbreaker, and when I mean hot I mean Bellamy hot.

Okay now I'm done.

But you and I both know, you're the hot one. And now it sounds like I'm hitting on my sister. Yuck!

Gosh I wish I could see your reaction to this. I'm literally cringing at everything I just wrote.

I have to go before I say anything else stupid.

Thank you for being you.

I would have died on day one without you.

We all would have.

Jasper.