Persphyni: I am Determined

5

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No sunshine. No daisies. No butter mellow. No fat rats being turned yellow. No ghosts. No death. No peace. No him. No anything. Anything at all.

I dreamt of nothing, once again. I would have been more surprised had I woken up and actually had a dream. I would have thought I had died if that dream had been even remotely good. But no. Nothing for me.

So instead, I woke up from my dark slumber to this.

An explosion. And a hysterical Clarke cradling a large, smooth stick.

I blinked once. Then twice. Then a third time. The scene remained the same.

I kicked open the door and walked over to the kneeling blonde. My eyes moving from her and that stick to the pile of rubble that had just fallen and made the sound of an explosion.

"What the hell happened? And what the hell is that? And why the hell did you not wake me up? You could have gotten hurt Dumba-" I took a deep breath. Then another. My throat swelled up as I turned away from Clarke, the word catching and killing my sentence. A pause of silence crossing between us.

"Are you hurt? I saw blood. Did you cut yourself?" I tried to not fumble over my words as I turned back towards her. "You did. Come on. I know we have bandages back in my bag somewhere." I turned to walk away but I felt her arms wrap around me. Her grip tight as she squeezed, pinning my arms to my sides.

"I'm sorry." She whispered as she held me tightly. "It hurts, I know. But we are going to get through this together." I heard the sniffle and the watery mess she was as she held on to me.

Her cheek pressed into my back just above the sheathed sword. Her body shaking slightly as we remained quiet. Her soft sobs were tear bringing as I felt the emotions she was feeling. I could have pushed her away. Told her to come on and get over herself.

In fact, I would have. But I didn't. I let her hold onto me.

I'd like to say I let her hold onto me for her own comfort. But I was selfishly holding back tears as I relaxed further into her hold to steal comfort from her.

We had both lost. But we could win. All we had to do was give everything. Give everything to survive these next several years.

I stared at the ruins in front of me, the sun beginning to set along the horizon. Shadows crawling out towards us as we stood frozen. Time continued around us while we stood still.

We were fighters. We were warriors. And we weren't going down easy.

"Come on." I tapped her hand with mine, "I want to check Arkadia. You can tell me what happened while I drive." I squeezed her hand gently until she let go. My eyes dry as I blinked twice before turning to face her.

The stick lay on the ground near our feet. Clarke's eyes were puffy and wet. Red lined them and her nose was gooey. She gave me a sad smile before bending down to grab the stick.

"Okay."

________•*•*•*•_______

We really had lost everything. It was just us two. All alone on the surface. Heart above and friends down below. It would be years before we could get to either of them. Or we could die before any of it happened.

This is not how a 19-soon to be 20 year old should be living. But we're an exception.

Just like how we both managed to survive. It was an exception. Jasper, however, was not.

"I think this might actually be an upgrade from when it was in space." My sarcasm was dry as I climbed out of the Rover. My boot kicking a piece of scrap metal.

We stood and locked around in silence for a moment. Pondering over the remains of Arkadia. A place I could have called home-enough.

It deserved the title. So many firsts and new things.

First official job.

First official room.

First mutiny. Well actually second but that first one doesn't count if I was never on the same side.

First kiss.

First heartbreak.

First stargazing date.

First firefighting adventure- and hopefully the last.

First love- and the last.

This place was home-enough. Yet, I couldn't help but think of my first home. The dropship. Only this time with a giant fence and miles of forest surrounding it.

Birds would be singing and a creek nearby would be flowing. The soft sounds of nature would fill the air. Then a giggle would be heard followed by another. And soon a loud booming laugh would echo outwards.

The vision was perfect. Too perfect.

And I needed to remember that.

"Pers!" My head snapped over to Clarke as she held a metal tin in her hands.

Carefully I walk over to where she held the locked box. Clarke gently passed it over to me and I began to turn it around looking for some form of inscription to tell who this belongs to. But I had not such luck.

"Hey, would you be okay if I snuck off to find a way to unlock this?" Clarke rolled her eyes at me question as I held the box to my chest.

"Really?" I nodded eagerly at the question. "Sure. Just make space in the back for any loot I find." I shot her a thumbs up then raced to the back of the Rover.

My heart rate high as I stared at the lock in anticipation. My gut was screaming at me to open it. I'm just hoping it isn't pure curiosity and a few specks of sand is all I'll have to great me on the inside.

"Please be something good."