"Keeping Promises" (Part 2)

Feeling Empty Part 1.

I woke up next to Jeter on my pillow the next morning and I really felt empty again. It was still early so I decided to go sit on the couch and read a book a friend of mine gave me in the mail a couple of weeks ago. Jeter was curled up next to me and I was sitting on the couch by the window with a cup of tea.

Feeling this way was something I never hoped I would feel again but I felt just empty and hurt. I couldn't cry I couldn't even comprehend what has happened to me the past couple of years but even my kids knew their mom could never settle down and be happy.

Sapphire a couple of minutes later called me.

Sapphire: Momma you ok? Kyle and I saw the news.
Me: Yeah babe. I'm ok. Hi Kyle.
Kyle: Hey mom.
Me: Guys I promise I'm fine. Just have Jeter next to me keeping me company and I swear I'm at the point in my life where my kids are happier than I am which I'm glad I did something right.
Sapphire: Mom, listen to me.
Me: Yeah.
Sapphire: It is the men in your life that are at fault not you. You did the best you could with Conner and I. Rebecca and Kyle just helped you which is okay. We are happy to have them and we are happy to have you as our mom. We love you. No step mom and no other woman made us happier the way you did and always do. Also I want you to give Ben a chance.
Kyle: Mom Sapphire is right. Just let him in. I know this is really getting to the point where you feel like you are always hitting a dead end but promise us you will at least try.
Me: I'm done feeling so alone. I'm done feeling so empty. Sapphire your father hurt me so badly but he never hurt me like Blake did. With Cody I knew we were only meant to be friends and the other men were just there for emotional support but I am so happy I got you and Conner out of it. You two were my biggest blessings besides Jeter. I love you three so much and I'm glad you two have Kyle and Rebecca and the baby on the way. I mean Rebecca is due soon maybe I can help her to distract myself.
Sapphire: Mom she is going to tell you to take care of you and when she needs you she will call you. We are grown men and women now. You did an amazing job giving us food and a life and even love. Now you need to let us take care of you. Not many kids get to do that for their parents but Kyle and I wanna do that for you.
Me: Okay thank you both. I love you. Call you both later.
Kyle: Have a good day. 💙
Me: You too guys!

I got off the phone with Sapphire and I didn't bother answering anyone else. I was in no mood to feel the pettiness from people.

Literally sitting there on the couch holding Jeter and crying into him is what I knew how to do best and I cuddled into the pillow.

Jeter knew I was sad and he was really helping me.

A couple of minutes later I saw a box of tissues on the table next to me and then I felt someone pull Jeter and I into a hug.

Me: Thank you.
Ben: Your welcome.
Me: Why did you want to help me? You could have left me alone.
Ben: Sarah look at me.

I did and he leaned in and kissed me.

It lasted for a couple of minutes and then he pulled away and smiled.

Me: Um wow.

I saw Jeter on my lap and he was staring up at both of us.

Ben: Did you feel anything?
Me: Yeah I did. It felt real.
Ben: Real?
Me: Yeah real. Like not some scripted story book but real.
Ben: Isn't that a good thing?
Me: Yeah I haven't felt that with anyone. All I asked for was real and I got the same result of storybook with every guy but I guess I never felt the real before.
Ben: I would keep this on the down low right now but I felt the real also.
Me: That's good. Also don't lie to me but if I carry too much baggage for you please walk away now. I don't want to burden you.
Ben: Never. I'm never leaving. Trust me I have left a lot of people Sarah but trust me you give me a lot of reasons not to.
Me: What is one reason?
Ben: You are real. You tell it like it is. You don't have to hide.
Me: Yeah I guess I'm like that. I just hate feeling empty and disappointed in myself for letting these men use me.
Ben: Well guess what I'm not those men and I know you had plenty of idiots tell you that but I'm the real deal Sarah. I have been the heartbroken one for years just like you. Trust me I'm going to prove to you every single day that I'm the real deal that I'm not going to let you down. There is one of me and I want you to have it. Now we can take this slow absolutely but I also don't want you to run away if one day I want to kiss you in public.
Me: Okay. I promise.

The dogs looked at us and gave us puppy eyes and we just smiled back at them.

I was going to take it slow and see how it went and if I had to push away he would understand. I just really needed the real and I was going to have him prove to me that he is real.

I'm going to make my final chance worth it. I mean maybe I might get something good out of it.

There are two parts to this chapter. So stay tuned for Part 2!!!