The holidays are finally here. Which is good because I am exhausted. We gave our first fashion in New York and all that's left is the one in London but that's a little bit after the holidays. That way I can have Lacy back as well. How Ive missed her at work, but I'm happy that she's doing alright. Ben has been such a good son looking out for his momma and baby sister.
So like I was saying super thrilled the holidays are finally here but I can't help but be both excited yet sad. Excited because I'm finally seeing my twins again yet sad because of Killian. His treatments have been hitting him real hard. He's pale, to me he is always handsome but he looks like he's being eaten away and that's killing me.
Today is a day full of emotions. We find out the sex of our baby today, then Killian goes to his radiation or well chemo appointment then we get to go pick up our Twins at the airport. Rhea stayed with Ben so we were able to do all this by ourselves. I'm sitting in the waiting room waiting to be called. I'm fidgeting and Killian noticed.
"Emma everything is going to...." he says then starts to cough. I chuckle. "Excuse me but were you going to say fine?" He stops coughing then nods. "Yeah." I chuckle. "I'm sorry love I'm trying to be positive about all this but I can't help but worry." He nods. "I know love but at least you're not doing this by yourself." I smile and nod.
"God I love you." He smiles. I lean and give him a quick kiss. "Emma Jones," I hear a nurse say. Killian and I get up and made our way inside. They start to do the regular routine and run their tests. I was honestly nervous thinking of what our little bean is going to be. Whatever the baby is I know he or she will be loved.
The doctor finally finishes with the other tests and it's time to do the ultrasound. I laid back and she started. The doctor presses the button and we hear the heartbeat. I grab Killian's hand and he smiles. "Sounds nice and strong." The doctor nods. "It is." I smile. "The baby looks good in size and everything." I smile at Killian.
"I can see the sex of the baby, would you like to know?" The doctor asks. I smile. "Yes," Killian and I say at the same time. The doctor laughs. She presses the button and something appears on the screen. "Hello mommy and daddy, I'm a boy." I instantly began to cry. Killian kisses my hand and cries as well.
"Love we are having a boy." I nod. "Yes we are." The Doctor smiles. "Congrats." Killian and I both nod. She then wipes the gel from off my belly then prints out two pictures. We then head on out to the other side of the hospital. Killian checks in and we sit back down in the waiting area.
Killian smiles as he's staring at the ultrasound picture. "Our little boy, we are having a little boy." He then sighs. I caress his back. "Hey let's enjoy the excitement love, ok?" He sighs and nods. "I'll try." I smile. He then caresses my belly. "We should start thinking of names." I smile. "Yes we should." He smiles and I couldn't help but smile.
"Killian Jones," we over hear the nurse say. "I'll come later to take you to him," the nurse says to me and I nod. We should be on our way home picking out names but no instead we are here. That's when my phone goes off. It's my father in law. Oh God. No I can't talk to him, he mustn't know about Killian having cancer.
I let it go to voicemail and I start to get nervous. That's when my phone goes off again, I look at the screen and it's Lacy. I answer.
"Hey Emma, how'd it go?"
"Good."
"What are you having?"
"A boy."
"I knew it."
I smile. "Yeah."
"What's wrong Emma?" I sigh.
"Nothing." She scoffs.
"Emma seriously?" I chuckle.
"My father in law called, and well he doesn't know about Killian and I can't lie to him so I'm ignoring him." She sighs.
"Emma it's not good to keep them out of the loop." I sigh.
"I know but they're old, I wouldn't want either of them to suffer from a heart attack." She nods.
"Mrs Jones..." I over hear the nurse call out to me. I nod.
"Hey girl I'll talk to you later ok, give a big kiss to all of the kids," I say and hang up.
I get up and followed the nurse. I walk in and I see Killian sitting down hooked to the IV machine. I could never get used to seeing him like that. "Feeling ok?" He sighs. "Yeah it's just, it's really strong..." He says as he groans. I grab his hand and kiss it. "I'm sorry my love, how I wish you weren't going through this." He half smiles.
"It's ok, love I'm just happy that you're here with me." I smile. "I wouldn't be in any other place." He smiles. "So have you heard anything about the twins?" I look at my phone. "Well since they texted me saying they were boarding the plane, nothing." He nods.
"It's been a while since I've seen them, I miss them terribly." I nod. "I'm worried about their reaction." I nod. "Hi Leía and Liam, you guys are having a baby brother oh and I'm dying, we missed you." I give Killian a straight look. God I hate when he gets sassy like that. "Really Killian?" He slightly chuckles. "Well there's no good way to let them know about my cancer love." I sigh.
"Killian just relax, ok?" He sighs and nods. "Fine." He closes his eyes and leans back against the chair. He was holding on to my hand then let's go of it. I guess he fell asleep. I look at him and he didn't look like he had fallen asleep.
"Killian?" I start to shake him. "Killian, love..." Nothing. I start to panic a bit. "Love don't mess with me like this.." Again, he doesn't move. I caress his cheek. "Killian, my love.." I then call a nurse. The nurse comes over and she gasps. "What happened?" I slowly get up.
"We were talking and I told him to rest and he just leaned back and he hasn't woken up." She starts to check him then he gasps. "I need someone to get me a room for patient Jones." I gasp. "What is going on?" Nurses come and take him away. I follow them and I'm standing outside the room.
I'm going crazy, I'm scared but I have to calm down. Wouldn't want to lose my little one. 20 minutes pass by and the doctor comes out. "Doctor what happened?" He sighs. "It's the effects of the cancer, his heart is weakening and he can't breathe on his own, the cancer has spread to his lungs." I gasp.
"What the hell?" He sighs. "The Leukemia Killian has is aggressive." My heart broke. "But he will get better right?" He sighs. "We've been giving him blood transfusions but it's not likely." Tears start to fill my eyes. "No this is the chemo's fault it's eating my husband." He sighs. "On the contrary it has been attacking the cancer cells." I continued to cry.
"How long does he have?" He sighs. "He is weak..." "How much does he have to live or if he has a chance of surviving?" He sighs. "He has gotten worse his chances of survival of 10%, and he may get worse..." I snap. "How much longer does my husband, Killian Jones, have left to live?" He sighs. "2 months." I gasp.
"What?" I over two voices say. I turn around and it was Leía and Liam. I wiped my tears. "Leía, Liam, what are you two doing here?" "You were supposed to pick us up, but Aunt Lacy said you were here," Liam said. I nod. "What did the doctor say?" Leía asks. I start to cry. Then they both look at my belly and gasp. "And you're pregnant?" I start to cry.
"When were you going to tell us?" Liam snaps. "We both wanted to surprise you this week you know for the holidays, but..." I opened the door and they walked in and saw Killian lying on the bed with a breathing tube in his mouth and wires connected all over his body.
They both were in tears seeing their father like this. "Why didn't you tell me?" Leía asks mad as can be. "We didn't want to worry you." She scoffs. "Mom this isn't something you hide, and you can't hide the fact that you're pregnant either mom." I sigh. "Kids..." "Does Rhea know about dad?" I shake my head. "We had come for him to get his treatment but the chemo was too strong and well..." They both nodded and sighed.
"We love you dad," they both said as they placed their heads on his chest. It broke my heart because it reminded me when they were babies I used to place them like that on his chest. Killian would love when I would do that. I sighed seeing both of them just embracing Killian. God, what did we do to deserve so much pain? This is not the happy holidays I wanted for my family.