Nothin' goes as planned
Everything will break
People say goodbye
In their own special way
*This chapter takes place from where it left off in his POV*
Warning: Graphic content, Blood
I'm close, too close to the danger. The danger that lies behind the doors of the gates. Gates of hell, or gates of heaven? We will never know.
The thought of what lies in that simple brick building, the one where people spend some of the best nights of their lives there. Why is everyone's experiences so different from one another?
My life could be behind that door, and I wouldn't be upset over it. If it was my time to go, I'd believe that. I'd know I was doing it for the people I love. It was always for them.
All the times I've spent worrying about them have gone into this. The happy moments and the sad moments, I wish they could last forever.
Trying to hold onto time while it's running away from you at full speed is one of the scariest things. How are you supposed to sit here and know your life could be turned upside down in a matter of minutes, and just accept it?
Stalling on the time so it doesn't run out makes it feel worse, but you don't know what to do. You want to just go and get it over with, yet you can't. You're stuck in your own ground with no way out but the time on the clock.
Is knowing you only have so much time left supposed to be this scary?
It's time though, I've found where I'm at and most importantly I've found where River is. I don't know why I feel such a need to go save her, but it feels right.
To do it for Harry, and to do it for Indiana. They've done enough for me, and now it's my time to repay them for their kindness.
It may be in a bit more of a risky way, but it's the only thing I can think to do. Saving the ones they love even at the dispense of myself feels right.
I'd do anything to make them happy.
The buzz of my phone in my lap is what makes me snap out of it. It sends a slight chill down my spine which makes me jolt suddenly. Part of me felt scared it would be someone I didn't want to hear from.
I hesitantly grabbed my phone and sat on my legs, my eyes glancing outside of the car shortly. I wanted to make sure that no one was around just in case.
I was still in my car, the computer that showed the security cameras currently sitting in the passenger's seat. My eyes had been glued to the screen for so long that I was starting to go insane.
Sitting there and watching someone you don't even know but they still mean so much to you in physical pain sucks. I couldn't imagine how Indiana or Harry must feel, it hurts me just to look at it.
Before I got too distracted again, I forced myself to blink it away. I didn't have any more time to dwell or waste, I had to face it all.
The phone screen lit up with another text, which finally made me look down to face it. I typed in my password hesitantly before I slowly pressed to open the text.
It's Indiana.
Multiple missed text messages from her over the last twenty minutes. From telling me to be safe, to asking if I've found her...
To ask why I'm not answering.
Why aren't you answering?
The text was simple, but it hurt to read. I had to lie to them, and I had to do this myself. It's time where I no longer rely on others. I need to depend on myself.
I didn't answer, I couldn't do that. Not to them, not to myself, and not now. I had to shut my phone off, the screen turning dark as I prepared myself.
The computer screen was still as still as it was before. A few people were sitting around doing nothing, but most importantly River was still alive.
She was sitting tied down to a chair in the office, I could recognize the room anywhere. It was your typical club office, and that's where she was.
It was time to face it all and end it for once and for all. I had to get myself ready and get my mentality right, I didn't have any more time.
"Here's to nothing." I muttered to myself, opening the car door before I could psych myself out.
Everything was quiet except for the sound of the wind and my harsh breathing. It took everything to keep it under control and not totally lose it. Who knew this could be so hard?
The wind chilled against my skin, goosebumps rising instantly as I stood to adjust the gun. I needed to have it ready, so I had to attempt to use it. I wouldn't be able to survive if I didn't try.
As I started to walk towards the building, I had to swallow my nerves and trust my gut. It felt like such a change to be walking in here to protect people I care about.
I could have never imagined being here where I am now four months ago. So much has changed, but if there was one thing I never would have thought of, it's this.
Who would've known our cutoff lives and distant feelings would come to saving each other. Instead of tearing each other down with our broiling problems, we build each other up.
And we would do it over and over.
My footsteps stopped as I reached the door. I was scared, I couldn't lie. I was scared of what would happen, and who would be hurt. I knew it was bound to happen, but I just wish it didn't.
The door in front of me showed my reflection, the darkness just making me feel worse. I looked broken, sad, tired, but most of all... I looked mad. Enraged even, and I had something to do about it.
"Let's fucking do this." I muttered to myself, a cocky smile laced on my face that showed in the reflection. My body tensed as the gun drew from my jeans...
It was now or never.
The door is open. What the fuck am I doing? I'm about to get myself killed.
When the door swung open, there was a chime of a bell that made me feel like I was going to collapse. It sounded like an echo even though it was just for a short second.
From what I could see so far there were just a couple of men scattered around the room. A couple with beers in their hands as they had short conversations. Was this club really open without people knowing what was really going on?
"Sorry dude, we aren't open right now." One of them spoke up, making him and all his friends look over at the sound of me.
I tried to stop my face from instantly heating with a bright red flush, but it was nearly impossible. I was never one to handle these situations very well, I always hated the attention being on me.
Funny enough that I perform for twenty to thirty thousand people every night for a living.
"The door was unlocked," I said, putting my hands behind my back so the gun was hidden. "I wasn't quite sure. I'm sorry about that."
I tried my hardest to put on the fakest smile I could and pretend to be nice. I couldn't tell if they knew who I was or not, if they did, they're really good at not showing it.
The one who had spoken to me first, glanced up and down my body before turning to his buddies. It looked as if they were silently speaking to each other which made me grow very nervous very quickly.
For some reason, I tightened the grip on the gun behind my back. I wasn't sure if I needed to use it yet or not, but my heart was starting to race like I would need it.
"No worries man," The same guy responded to me after a few too many seconds of silence. "Did you need something or were you just stopping by to stop by?"
Fuck. They know.
I can tell just by the tone of his voice. The way he's speaking gives it all away as he stands from his chair, the other two men that were sitting with him also standing.
What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I'm starting to think this was a really fucking stupid idea and I should've let Harry and Indiana handled it.
I guess this is what I get for trying to play the hero...
"Actually I do," I deadpanned, moving to lean against the bar they had been sitting at just seconds ago. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Your choice."
When the fuck am I supposed to pull the gun out? I don't do this scary shit, I just hack security cameras and dumb shit like that.
I guess I made my decision though. Now that I've said what I've said, there's only one thing left to do. Get River back.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" One of the other men growled, taking a step forward so he was towering over me.
I know exactly who I am.
"I'm Zayn fucking Malik."
I cocked my head to the side as I spoke, pulling the gun from behind my back. Before any of them could blink, the weapon was being her right in front of the man's forehead.
I guess that's what he gets for messing with the Zayn Malik.
"You fuckin-" The one who had spoken to me originally tried to launch his body at me.
For that split second in time I thought that that would be the end. He could've torn me up if he tried, but he didn't.
As I pierced my eyes shut ready for the impact, it didn't happen. When I opened them slowly, I saw that he had stopped. He was no longer about to attack me, he was being pulled back.
"You don't think we're that stupid, do you?" He asked, a chuckle leaving his lips like I was mentally insane.
I think this is the moment where I realized I had royally fucked up. I had to make a decision about what I wanted to do, and I had to do it fast.
"Actually..." I smirked, pausing for a second to pretend like I was thinking about what I was going to say. "I do."
Gunshot.
The sound of it rang through the room making me duck instantly. I think I was lucky enough to just barely have been grazed in the thigh. Nothing I couldn't handle.
It all happened way too fast. There was shuffling everywhere, and suddenly I was placed in a headlock. I felt my body being shaken side to side, but most importantly, I felt the air escaping from my lungs.
The grip was so tight around my neck as I felt myself get flipped around. I was now facing two of the men, as the one who had launched at me choked me out.
All I felt was pain as they began to attack me. Their punches were so hard and hurt in every single place. I tried my hardest to push back, but it was useless. I couldn't go anywhere.
"You're going to fucking pay for this!" One of them hissed as he threw a harsh punch, right at the center of my face.
The loud crack sounded as it echoed through the room, the searing pain not far behind. The blood trickled instantly, and that's when I realized they had broken my nose.
"So are you..." I choked out, taking all the strength I had left in me to say it. The air was thinning out too much, and I could feel I had just seconds left before I would pass out.
They looked confused at my words and how I had said them. I don't know if it was the best thing to say, because it only earned a tighter squeeze around my throat.
His elbows were locked around me as I went dizzy. I wish I just had enough left to get through this. The pain is too much, and I can barely gasp for air anymore.
I need something to push me. I need to keep pushing for River, for Indiana, and for Harry. I can't leave now.
"You know who's also going to pay for this?" The one standing in front of me tilted his head to look at me as I struggled.
"Your friends-"
That was it.
I stopped fighting, using everything I had left in me to swipe the gun off of the bar. The last bit of strength I had left was going into this moment right here.
The air running from my lungs like it would never come back. My chest burning and my whole body searing with shooting pain. It would all be worth it though.
Gunshot.
Straight to the head of the man behind me. All the training I ever had in my life went straight to that moment right there.
I felt the grip loosen on my neck before he finally fell to the ground behind me. My hands instantly grasped my throat as I tried to get any air in my lungs that I could.
It wasn't enough though, I still felt like I was suffocating on the inside. Everything burned like a hot fire that would destroy everything.
That kind of hot fire that hurt to the point it felt cold. The mix being one you aren't able to understand, just like most of the points in your life.
Fire burned through my body as the cold air pierced my lungs. The colors changed and the fire disappeared.
It was fire, until there was nothing.
The black world around me swallows me into its hole. There was no way to stop it as it took me down with it. The color drained from my life, and from my soul.
It was black.
Black as I hit the ground.
Black as it all disappeared.
***
I can't bring myself to open my eyes, it hurts way too badly to do that. A sharp pain is shooting through my head, and at this point I don't know if I'm dead or not.
Heaven or Hell?
I don't know if I'm at either of those places, and where I'm at now I'm wishing it wasn't here.
Hell has a distinct look, and I don't know if this is it. Fire rages through my body, burning it's scars against me. Is that literally or metaphorically though?
Can you feel pain in hell? If you can, I want out of it. Maybe I'm not in hell? You shouldn't be able to feel this much pain.
I'd know if I'd just open my fucking eyes, but I don't want to. I think I'm trying to put it off because I don't know what is going to be around me when I do open them.
I'm scared of what I'll see.
I'm scared that it'll just show me that I fucked up big time.
What I did was stupid. I tried to be the big guy, or the hero, but I could never be that person. That's not who I am, but it's who I tried to be.
Look where I am now though. Possibly dead, possibly alive. Either way I know I'm in pain, and I didn't find Harry's sister,
Harry.
He's probably so worried about where I am right now. I shouldn't have done this. I wasn't thinking straight when I did, and now I probably made the problem worse.
I can let it end like this, this isn't how I go down. After all, I am Zayn fucking Malik and he does not go down without a strong fucking fight.
Open.
My eyes open, but there isn't any light. It's just pitch black.
Maybe my eyes have been open this whole time?
Oops.
There's silence, and darkness. My head is spinning as it tries to grasp where I am, but I can't make it out. Everything is so disoriented.
I'm starting to think I really am dead at this point, until I tug my arms. That's when I realize I'm not dead, I'm tied down to something.
My arms pull against it for a few seconds before I realize that I'm not going anywhere. I use that as my sign to calm down, and actually try and figure out where I am.
I start to move what I can of my hands around to feel where I'm at. It's pretty hard to do so in pitch black, and I'm feeling really stumped by it. I keep pushing through, I need to outsmart this.
As my fingers traced around what I could feel, it started to form the shape of a knot. Roped was laced together to make some sort of contraption to tie me down.
When I pulled I realized that it was connected to both my hands and my feet. My arms were tied at the wrists behind my back, and were pulling down as my feet rested on the ground. I guess they had used the classic chair contraption, and if I'm being honest, I have no idea how to get out of it.
I didn't have a gun on me anymore, or any other weapons which were not helpful at all. My brain was jumping from place to place as I tried to think of any way to get out of this.
At this moment in time, I don't think I've ever felt so useless in my life. I know what I do is hard, and I'm usually pretty smart, but right about now I feel straight up stupid. I screwed up big time and there's no way to cover it up.
I just have to accept my fate at this moment in time. The pushing and pulling against the ropes aren't getting me anywhere except in more pain. The burning feels worse as my wrists feel raw from the pain.
I'm ready to give up.
"Fuck..." I muttered quietly under my breath as I finally let my body go loose, my back hitting against the chair.
I was about to start sobbing at any second, but something stopped me. I could hear noise, and it wasn't from me. It was from outside somewhere.
There was shuffling coming from one side of the room before I suddenly heard a door swing open. A heavy one for that matter, and sighing a split second a bright light was being flipped on.
I hissed at the brightness that came on so suddenly, my eyes piercing shut. The bright light sent a shock wave of pain through my body before I could process what was happening.
"Wakey wakey, Princess." I heard the voice I recognized. Jaxson's voice. "Oh wait, that isn't you. That's our precious Diana."
My teeth gritted so hard together as I peeled my eyes open to look at the man. He was just as much of a fuckhead in person as he was in the video.
I had never felt so much anger in my life as I had when I looked at him. Finally seeing the person who had been behind all of our hell these months. It brought hellfire to my soul.
"Don't fucking call her that." I snapped, feeling protective over her and what was being said.
Hearing him talk about her pissed me off in ways I didn't know were possible. I know what the dickhead has done to her, and he's going to pay for it.
"Why? Does that make you mad?" Jaxson asked with a sly smile that showed he knew exactly what he was doing. He was trying to make me mad.
"You have no right to speak about her." I responded dryly, trying not to show any emotion. I couldn't let him win this.
A chuckle escaped his lips as he stepped closer to me. I took a deep inhale, my stomach starting to churn with what could happen to me next.
It was clear that we had underestimated him, and I was starting to panic. He's been planning this for way longer than we thought he had been.
"So it does make you mad..." He hummed, and my jaw clenched together tightly. I wouldn't deny that it made me mad, because that would be a lie. "I think you're going to be even more mad when I get my hands on her, and your friend Harry. How does that sound?"
Fuck.
"Don't fucking touch them!" I quickly yelled, only earning the reaction that Jaxson wanted. "Do whatever you want to me, just don't hurt them. Please."
I was begging. I was begging, and I didn't care.
I would do anything at this point if it meant they could be safe. To any point of return, I would surrender for them.
"Too bad," Jaxson pursed his lips, giving me a harsh glare that felt like daggers stabbing me. "That's where I'm going now. They fucked and they're going to pay for it."
"No!" I tried anything in my power to pull against the tight ropes, hoping they'd snap and let me free. "Just let them go, this is all my fault. I lied to them."
Honesty is where I'm at I guess. It's the last resort I have, and I'm going to hope it will work. Deep down I know it won't, but I'm going to try.
If I could just convince him that they really didn't want me to do this then maybe it would stop him. He just needs to take it out on me, not on them. They're innocent.
"Even worse," He deadpanned, turning his back away and that's when it hit me. We weren't making it out of this. "I'll be back. Don't even think about trying anything, I have people constantly watching you."
"Wait-" I tried to call out, but it was too late. The heavy door was already shut with a loud thud that echoed through the room.
I was alone. All alone trapped in some room where the walls felt like it was enclosing on me. I don't know where I was, everything in here was so bland and blank.
There was just the chair in the middle of the room that I was sitting on. A panel of light switches, but nothing other than that. An old window was boarded up which just made me feel sick.
We aren't the first people he's hurt over this, are we? Who is Sammie, and why is he so obsessive over them?
So many questions circled through my brain, yet none of them I could find answers to. My mind was an absolute blank slate. Nothing to be found within it.
I hated this so much. I couldn't even find the energy to attempt to find a way out, nothing was possible with me anymore. I was at the point where I had to accept my fate.
Fate is a funny word, and one you don't use often. You think of it as your call in life or something that's meant to happen. I guess this is my fate.
You can try to avoid your fate like I did. Take a different road, put things off, or even pretend it never happened. But in the end you'll always find your fate on the road you take to avoid it.
The clock ticks. Even though there isn't one around me, I can hear it. Each minute passes and it's another cry for help from me.
I hope the boys and Indiana had already left. Maybe they were smart enough to know something was wrong with me? I know they're smart, but this time their lives depend on it.
With each waking second, I hope that they are on their way. To save me, to save River, and to save themselves. Everything depends on this moment right here.
If they haven't left they'll be dead from Jaxson coming for them. If they do leave then they risk their lives coming to save us here. How am I supposed to choose one of those options?
This whole life feels like a lie. No one should have to live like this, let alone have it happen so quickly. You met the best people of your life four months ago, and they can be gone by tomorrow.
It's such a heart wrenching time.
You don't know what to do. You sit in your own silence and your mind attacks itself instead of protecting you. It haunts you with the memories of your life. Showing you how useless you are and how you fucked up from day one. It proved that you made the wrong choices time and time again but there's nothing you can do to fix it. You have to sit in the silence and accept what has happened.
This is why you lost your family, Zayn.
Regret.
That was one word that I hoped I wouldn't use later in life. In the end of this mess, I just hoped I wouldn't regret it. Regret the memories I've shared with them, and regret the outcome of today. That's all I ask not to happen.
It would tear me apart even more inside if something happened tonight that I couldn't take back. If it was because of my selfishness and mistakes, it would destroy me.
No one can end up hurt other than me. I need everyone to be okay, for my sake and for theirs. They matter so much to me and I need them to be fine.
They need to be healthy and happy.
Gunshots.
It was too quick for me to process and it scared me so badly that I thought I was being shot. I thought it would hit me at any second as I prepared myself for it, but it didn't hit me.
There was no bullet through my skin, but they also didn't stop.
Gunshots rang out over and over again, and I started to panic inside. I don't know how much time had passed since Jaxson had left me here, but it was enough for something to happen.
As the sounds continued to echo through the building, a sudden thought hit me. River.
What if they're hurting her?
I don't know what happened to me, but I suddenly lost it. My body started ripping against the ropes so hard that I was tearing the skin apart. I could feel the blood start to form at the raw skin but it didn't matter to me.
What mattered was making sure everyone was okay. I owed it to Harry.
I don't know how long I had been fighting against my own restraints, but suddenly it was silent. There were no more gunshots, it was just quiet,
My heart dropped to my stomach as the fear of River being dead waved over me though. I nearly started to cry at my mistakes before the door suddenly swung open.
"Zayn?"
Indiana and Harry.
Indiana and Harry alive.
They aren't dead. They're here, in front of me. Standing in front of me as they rushed towards me. I was starting to lose the last bit of energy in my life, but they came and saved me.
"You guys are here." A genuine smile spread across my face as I started to feel faint.
They looked like they were in sheer panic as they rushed towards me. I felt them start to pull at the ropes around my skin. They were freeing me.
"Zayn, you need to pull it together," Harry quickly responded, as he tried to tug at the ropes but he wasn't getting anywhere. "You need to get out of here fast."
"No, I'm not leaving you." I shook my head sturdily as he grunted when he tried to pull the tight knot. "I'm okay."
When I heard him groan, I realized he was in pain. My eyes traveled down to his arm, and I realized he had been shot. Blood was draining from his arm, and a lot of it.
"You're hurt," He pushed against my protests as Indiana pulled a knife out of his book that made him freeze. "You'll be safe out there with the boys then in here."
"You're hurt too." I deadpanned, nodding my head in the direction of his arm, but he stayed quiet.
I watched as his eyes travelled to what Indiana was doing, watching her cautiously. He never liked knives, and I wonder if Indiana knew that or not.
She glanced her eyes up at them, a wave of sorrow laced over it. I could tell she didn't like what she was doing, but as she cut the ropes it set me free.
"I'm sorry." She whispered quietly to him when she cut the last rope that finally let me breathe. She didn't waste any time to shove the weapon back into her boot.
"I'm not leaving you guys." I spoke up after a few seconds of silence. I stood to my feet and I instantly felt dizzy, proving that Harry was right.
I tried my hardest to hide that I was off balance but it didn't work. Indiana had to catch one of my hands to make sure I was steady, and I could already hear the comments from Harry.
"You're not fine," He deadpanned, and I gulped under his stare. "Please, Zayn. For us, just go to the car with the boys and stay safe."
When I heard him say please, I knew I couldn't put up with it anymore. Harry isn't one to speak like that, so when he does, you know it's serious.
"What if you get hurt?" I asked nervously, just so scared of what could happen when I leave them. I don't want things to end like this, they need to know I care.
"I can't get anymore hurt than I already am," He chuckled, trying to make a joke but I knew he was serious. "Come here."
At his words I started to cry. I was so physically and emotionally beat up that I lost it. Harry pulling me into a hug was what triggered it.
Harry doesn't hug.
We're both so hurt and crushed in this world. We were all we had at one point, just him and I.
"I love you." I whispered the words quietly to him, knowing we had never said them to each other. Let alone to anyone.
Harry is my best friend, and I love him. He's always been there for me, even if we were both struggling. I need him in my life.
He didn't have to say it back, I would understand if he didn't. I just needed Harry to know how much he means to me. He's saved me, and now it's time to show him my appreciation.
"I love you too," The words were so quiet from his voice but I heard them as he squeezed me so tightly against his chest. "Goodbye, Zayn."
Goodbye.
Not a see you later, a goodbye.
I rested my chin on his shoulder, holding him for longer than I should have. We hadn't been like this before, I wanted it to last just a few more moments before we were destroyed.
The warmth of his words and our hug spread through my body, making me feel numb to the pain. As I hugged him now I saw the two of us at sixteen. Broken and fragile.
Look where we are now.
"Goodbye, Harry."
Pulling away from him hurt. I wanted to hold him forever. I knew he would leave me and it hurt, I don't want this to end.
Small smiles on our faces as we took last glances at each other. Looking at him now, all I could see was the growth. He's come so far, he's happy now.
He's actually happy.
"What, no I love you for me?" Indiana joked after a few minutes making me turn to face her.
She looked so scared at this moment in time yet so strong. All I've seen her go through these last four months is half the human being I want to be.
I want to be like her.
"You know I love you, teeny." I said for the last time, pulling her into our own hug. The world of our own coming back to each other.
She meant so much to me. She's the person I run to when I need to escape and I'm that person for her too. It's always been me and Indiana, even till the end.
"I love you too, big." Indiana smiled into the hug, our words short but exactly what we needed.
Hugging her made me think of the beginning. From her walking out of the elevator in New York to us on the bathroom floor crying. I guess you could say the two of us have been through a lot.
We needed a damn good smoke after this one.
That was it. We broke away, our bodies no longer touching as we stood apart. Just staring at each other before we would have to split.
I couldn't stand here any more, it hurt too much. So I turned on my heel to leave, but something told me to stop. I needed to give them one last look.
"Goodbye." I whispered through the tears, watching as they held each other through their nerves. They were all they ever needed.
When I went to leave, I heard Indiana's innocent voice. Saying the one thing we had always said to each other in private. It was never to be said around others.
Not until now. When we knew deep down it wouldn't be said again. It was supposed to be for happy times, not this.
"Just remember," She called out, making me pause my steps as my hand rested on the door handle.
Every single time we had ever been in a rough situation we said this to each other. Not a soul knew what the words were until now.
And little did she know how much they meant to me.
The words felt so innocent and sweet as they fell from her mouth. Like a sugar coating to the pain in my world, they were supposed to help us.
Except this time, it just brought pain.
"We'll be a fine line."