This is a place where I don't feel alone
This is a place where I feel at home
***
This is the letter, I recommend listening to the song while reading...
Indiana,
Do you know how much you mean to me?
I would do anything for you, nothing stands in front of me trying to make you the happiest girl in the world. I admire you, so so much. I would do anything just to see you smile. It's a smile worth a million pictures that I would always fight for.
I want to capture it and freeze forever. Admire it like I'd never see it again. I do that every time I'm with you. I cherish the moments like it would be the last, because who knows. Anything could happen and I would be forever grateful to have met you and shared the time I have with you.
When I want to smile, I just close my eyes and think of you. You're the person who has made me smile, the person who showed me life is worth a smile.
Before you I felt like a stone cold line. Nothing phased me, nothing could hurt me. Things changed, I've felt more things than I could count or even understand with you. A range of feelings like a color palette to be swatched on a canvas.
Happiness. A word that feared me for my life. What did it mean? It meant fear, hurt, hatred, but you changed that. You showed me what the true meaning of it was.
The meaning that you read about, or what you see in those cheesy romance movies where the man with a dark past meets the girl who lightens his world. You showed me that happiness was like a ray of sunshine that warmed the world.
You warmed my world. You were the sun and the moon, and the stars that scattered the sky. Standing out bright to me like I had found the most perfect one in the night sky.
I felt pain, and confusion too. Sometimes the darkness took over the light but it was always different. My body hurt for you, I hated to see you upset. I was hurting myself, but I taught myself to work through it instead of around it.
There was bad and there was good, but you were the thing that stood out from the crowd. Feelings taught me different things and changed who I am as a person. Through it all, there's one feeling that stands out tall and strong from the others.
There's a feeling I get when I look at you. It's something that warms my heart. It warms my heart so much that it feels like someone has reached inside my chest and has their hand wrapped around it tightly.
I never knew what it was, but for some reason it was something I always chased. The moment I discovered it, I itched to feel it again. It felt good, it felt welcoming.
It was a high I was desperate for, but unlike anything that had compared to the moments of my life before. I wasn't chasing the feeling, I was chasing you.
The more and more it happened, I always wondered what it was. I didn't understand what was happening, all I knew was that it happened around you.
My brain fought itself for days trying to resist the feeling when all I wanted to do was reach out and grab it. It wouldn't let me for a while, but I think I know what it is. I think there's a way to describe it.
Love.
Love is just a word. That's until someone comes along and shows you what it is. It's a word I never thought I would understand, but I do now.
I never thought I would be able to know what the word meant. It was always thrown around, but I didn't use the word. I told myself I never would because I didn't want to be hurt like last time.
Being hurt was far from what happened. I found happiness. I found the feeling that opened the door to what that word meant.
Loving someone means accepting someone for who they truly are. I accepted you for the real you, I never wanted anything about you to change.
I didn't care that we were living in a fucked up rollercoaster. We were on our own ride, flying above as the doves we always dreamed of being.
We itched for that feeling, repeating the words to each other when we felt that moment. The more and more time I spent with you, the more I felt like a dove.
The message the dove represents was something that always laid behind me, begging for a chance to peek out. Free, joy, and gentleness. I feel all of those things with you.
When things were dark and I felt like giving up, that was the one thing that kept me going. I told myself that I just wanted to learn more about you and chase that feeling, but it's now what it was. Even though I denied it, I leaned so so much from you.
Loving someone means that you know their deepest darkest secrets, and even through them you still stand by them. Judging you was something I never did, I didn't care that you struggled with who you were. It only made me accept you more.
You opened up to me. My darling Indiana, you told me things you had held close to your heart because you didn't want to tell anyone else. I could never be prouder of anyone in my life than you.
When you said the little things that had left the marks on your life, it was like opening an eye to me. I didn't understand why I felt so much for you, or why I wanted to be there for you. I wanted nothing more than to comfort you.
Loving someone means they don't judge you either. When I showed you who I truly was, you didn't run. You didn't fear for the person I was, you stayed and guided me through it.
I was scared of the person I was behind the mask. From what I did on a daily basis, to the deep scars that traced my skin. Physically and metaphorically, I feared what you would think of them.
You didn't think anything more of them than just being a part of me. I thought the same of you. They were what made you, you. I didn't judge you for who you were, and you did the same to me.
Loving someone means they bring you the most happiness in the world. It was a feeling I never understood before you. You showed me it though, and because of you I've grown to be the best I've ever been.
When I first opened my mind to the feeling, it sent me into a spiral. You were the one that brought me out of it. You calmed me down by talking about what you care about most, the stars.
You asked me how many stars I thought would be in the universe. I was confused as to why you were asking me that, but I realized that's what helps you. It did the same to me.
The simple words, 'How many nights would it take to count the stars?', were what changed me. For me it was more like how many nights would it take me to accept my feelings, but I did it. I accepted them and fought for them.
Loving someone means you would fight for them through anything. We fought for each other, Indiana. You didn't run, and I didn't run far. We fought through everything that was thrown at us, and we came out on the other side.
Love is having a butterfly stuck in your heart whenever you look at them. When I see you, I melt. You're the woman that I would do anything for.
When I stand in front of you my nerves take over and have me wound up like a little kid. I couldn't accept having someone as kind and caring as you in my life.
Love is when two people touch each other's souls. You once said we were two broken souls meeting each other, and I didn't know what it meant. We fit each other, our broken pieces mended together as one.
We did find each other through the darkness. Your words were more true than anything I had ever heard in my life. It was like coming up for a breath of fresh air around you.
My problems went away around you, and time froze. I didn't worry about what was going on or what was to happen. I focused on the time I had with you.
Love is honesty and trust. Two things we struggled with the most. We had a rough start, and for a moment I didn't know if either of us would come out on the other side. We did though, and that's because of the next thing.
Love is when you'd fight to death for someone. We fought. We fought through hell and back to be as normal as we could, but we didn't need to. We just needed to be ourselves.
I know that challenges are to come, I'm well aware of that. We've changed though. We know how to work through our problems instead of hiding from them. You taught me to put on a brave face and work through it.
Love means our differences can be worked out. If there were two people who had the biggest differences, it would be us. Yet through our major differences we are so alike to each other.
We understand each other. You felt for me when you were hurting inside. Our scars were ripped open just to heal each other. It hurt, like falling to the ground and getting a cut, but we stood up and brushed it off.
We kept walking until we were flying. You always dreamed of the feeling, and so did I. The feeling of being free like a dove. They brought a message of peace and hope to us when our hearts were hurting.
I once gave you a black rose on a starry night. Neither of us knew what I was doing with that, but I do now. It was a mark of a new beginning and something that will now live with me forever.
All these feelings and moments I've said are what loop my brain constantly. They were on replay like a broken record in my mind. I fixed the record though, and now it's playing a beautiful song.
Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to yell at you can't come out. I want to say it, but I can. I write it to you instead so you know how much it means.
I was sitting here, thinking about all the things I wanted to say to you but there were too many. There's no way to say this because the fear lies behind me that you might reject it.
All my life I'd been living in a risk. I lived in a dark world that I brought you into. Danger was all I knew, yet I didn't know how to jump into something new for myself.
If there was one thing you taught me, it was to take the leap. You're the daredevil I needed in my life, you always took the jump even though you might fall down. So that's what I'm doing.
I've always said if you have something to say, you say it. You yell it out as loud as you can and hope someone can hear you. Like the night in the field when you yelled out at the stars, I heard you.
You always hear me, Indiana. Even the things I don't always want you to hear, you do. This is what I want you to hear. I want you to hear it loud and clear.
Maybe I'll regret it, maybe I won't? Maybe I'm scared of the rejection that may sting me but it won't last forever. You are everything I think about, everything I want so I say it for you. I say it because I would regret it if I never did.
Maybe I'm stalling on it but I think you'll get over it. You mean the world to me and there is no other person I would ever want to say this to. So here I go...
I love you.
I love you more than anything in the world. You're the person I crave for the rest of my life. The person I would never stop fighting for.
Finding someone like you, that made me feel the way I do was the biggest blessing of my life. I didn't believe in love, or soulmates, or any of those stupid signs like that, but you make me feel more.
When I met you I was in such a low place. I was swinging through the motions of life, instead of stepping through them and taking in the scenery around me.
You walked in though, you were like the sunshine after a stormy day. The moment I watched you walk in the door it was like a rainbow peeked through the dark, stormy clouds.
The strong look on your face as you stepped out of the gold plated elevator, was unlike anything I'd seen before. You didn't bow down, or hide away from our chaos. Instead, you hopped on like you had been here the whole time.
It wasn't different for you, to walk into a new room and stand out like you were the strongest. You are, you're the person I admire. I look up to you and who you are because of everything you've done for me.
I love you so fucking much, and I'll never stop. You taught me everything I know today, and it's what I want to show you.
If I could give you one thing in the world it would be to see you through my eyes. To see how much adoration I have for you. Only then you would realize how special you are to me.
I fell for you like the stars, I fell in love with you. You were my star though, I fell, and I felt safe when I fell. I'm not scared to say the words to you.
My little star, you are the love of my life, the person I would run miles for. I will never stop fighting for you, even if you push me away. I do that because nothing is promised. I don't know what could happen tomorrow, or next week so I will say it while we are here.
I love you, Indiana Sommers.
- Harry