"Mummy and Daddy haven't given you the talk yet?" Theseus whispers to me as he slips into his seat beside me.
History of Magic is the only class I have where it's just me and Theseus. No Shawn, no Georgette, no Ophelia or Chandler. Just us. And he thought it necessary to claim the seat right next to me.
"I guess they haven't figured out that their little girl has been fucking Fletcher hm?"
My cheeks grow red, "For your information, I've only fucked Shawn the one time thank you."
"Ah, is he not as good as you made it look?"
"I'm not having this conversation with you."
Binns floats into the room mumbling hi's and hello's to us all, "Textbooks open to chapter two, we will be taking up where we left off last week."
Textbooks open all around us as people do as we are told. I look into my bag and suddenly remember my textbook is sitting on the top of my trunk.
"You're going to have to share your textbook with me," I say to Theseus.
He hums, "Am I now?"
"Yes."
"What have you ever done to deserve my textbook?"
I scoff, "Darling, I know you want me all pressed close to you as I try to read the pages. You don't have to pretend."
"Pressed up against me, sure. But reading a textbook? I can think of about a hundred different ways I could have you right up against me that are far more interesting than history."
"How would Georgette react if she heard you speaking like this to me?"
Theseus looks around the room as Binns starts his lecture. Theseus's voice drops three octaves when he speaks to me again, "I don't see her here, do you?"
For some reason I get goosebumps and I thank Merlin that we have to wear long sleeves as our uniform so that Theseus can't see my arms and the effect that he has on me. It's infuriating, the fact that one little sentence out of his mouth can send me into a mess of emotions.
"You going to let me share your book or not Avery?" I say a little too loudly.
Binns stops talking, "Miss Weasley, do we have a problem?"
"Yes Cassiopeia, do we have a problem?" Theseus says.
I could listen to Theseus say my name for hours. What are you doing? Stop staring at him! Answer Binns for Godric's sake!
"No sir, no problems." I squeak. All of my confidence has drained out of me. I feel how I did when I first started at Hogwarts, hiding in the shadows and begging not to be seen.
Binns continues on with his lecture, Theseus slides his textbook into the middle of our shared desk so I can read it as well.
He dips his quill in some ink and out of the corner of my eye I watch him scribble a note on some parchment and he puts it on top of the textbook.
When was the last time you had a shower?
And here I was thinking that it was going to be something... well, I don't know what I was expecting but that wasn't it.
I look at Theseus and he has a dumb smirk on his face. I snatch the parchment and flip it over to write a response. He thinks that he can get under my skin, talking about pressing himself up against me?
I was going to have one later tonight, care to join me?
I fold the parchment in half and place it on top of the textbook like a little tent. Theseus takes it and as soon as he opens it he chokes and starts coughing.
"Mister Avery. Do I have to separate you two?" Professor Binns says, clearly annoyed with the both of us.
"No sir." Theseus manages to get out. He opens his water bottle and takes a long drink. Binns starts his lecture again.
"Cat got your tongue darling?" I whisper in Theseus's ear, making sure to linger just a second too long.
We go back to reading the shared textbook, but I don't think that either of us are paying attention. Theseus, on occasion, will bump his shoulder into my arm every so often, and I will go to flip the page of the book at the same time as him and purposely brush my hand against his. I for sure have no idea what I'm doing, why I'm acting like this. So desperate for his attention, for any form of physical contact with him. Ophelia can't be right. I can't have feelings for him. I've hated Theseus for years and that's not going to change any time soon.
For the next three hours, all Theseus and I do is flirt with each other. It gets almost overwhelming. The idea that I can't touch him the way I want to, the idea that someone else gets to see him the way I desperately want to see him. I can't do this anymore. When's this class over?
As soon as the bell rings for lunch I get up from my chair, grab my bag and race out of the classroom. I have to go somewhere, anywhere but here.
"Cassiopeia!" Theseus calls after me.
Just outside of the classroom Georgette is waiting. I nearly run into her.
"Where the fuck are you off to?" She sneers.
Theseus comes out of the classroom behind me and looks between me and Georgette, "Hey love." He says to Georgette. She wraps her arms around his torso and looks at me.
"Can we help you?"
My voice gets stuck in my chest, "No. Godric no."
I turn around on my heels and push through the crowds in the corridors. I dunno why that bothered me so much, I've been seeing Theseus and Georgette together for years and suddenly it makes me all uncomfortable and... jealous? I'm the one that's supposed to be making him feel like this, not the other way around.
"Hey, Pia you okay?" Ophelia says to me as I walk past her in the corridor.
I don'
I don't respond, I just keep walking forward, I can hear her calling after me.
I don't have a destination in mind and it feels almost like I don't have any control as to where I end up. But I find myself in front of the Room of Requirement. As I said, I don't have the best coping mechanisms.
"I need a place to blow something up," I whisper as I walk back and forth in front of the familiar tapestry. I do it three times before moving the tapestry off the wall just a little and slipping behind the door.
It's the same room that I was practicing in during my third year, everything is in the same place as it was when I left it. I haven't been back here since then.
I drop my bag right at the entrance and pull my wand out from my pocket before shrugging off my house robes. I don't know how to deal with these emotions, the thought of Theseus touching Georgette makes me sick. The thought of him whispering the same things he whispers to me in her ear instead. Her hands running up and down his chest. That should be me. I should be the one touching him like that. And I hate myself for it.
"Alarte Ascendare!" I point my wand at one of the practice dummies and it flies into the air, hits the ceiling with such force that the entire room shakes and slams down onto the ground, bursting into little bits and pieces.
But that's not enough. I can't shake the feeling. The feeling of utter disgust I have towards Georgette and Theseus. I need to feel something else, anything else. Anything but this.
"Flipendo Maxima!" I cast my wand towards one of the dummies and it flies back into the wall with such force that it disintegrates on impact.
I know what I'm feeling. God, it's so painfully obvious. But I can't get myself to say it. It's almost like I'm too proud to admit it to even myself. Cause once it's said out loud I can't take it back. Even if it's just me in this room.
Anger bubbles up inside me. Pure rage for myself. Rage for Theseus. Rage for Georgette.
I hate him.
I hate her.
I hate myself.
There's nothing else to do. I can't think straight, I can't think of a hex that will make me feel better. That will take this away.
I scream. Loud, unfiltered. Like all the emotions I've ever felt ever come spewing out of my mouth. The hatred I have for so many people in my life. The sadness I feel every time my mother looks at me in the eyes. The built-up aggression I have towards Ophelia, asking me to keep a secret for her when she's never done the same for me. The rage every time I lay eyes on Georgette. How I wish that was me.
The room shakes as I scream and I don't stop till my throat is raw and scratchy. Only then do I realize that every single thing in this room besides me has been destroyed. Dummies are in heaps of ash; like they've been in a fire. The desk in the corner is a pile of splinters.
I look around the room as I try to catch my breath. My chest heaving, my throat burning.
I turn around in a slow circle and make eye contact with Ophelia who is standing at the entrance. Her shirt is singed, her hair is in such a mess it looks like she just walked through a hurricane. Her eyes are wide as she stares at me. Neither of us blinks.
"Holy shit." She whispers, "Do you always blow up things when you're upset?" She says it in a joking manner, Christ I don't think that Ophelia knows how to be serious. But it stings just a little.
I don't say anything. I don't think there's anything that I can say at this point. I mean she just watched me completely destroy an entire room without even raising a finger. She doesn't have to say it. I know she's terrified. I know she's going to tell Mum and that she's just fully going to give up on me.
"Cass..." Ophelia says as she steps closer to me.
I take a step backwards, "You're going to tell Mum and Dad aren't you."
That takes her by surprise, "What? No. No, dude. I'm just worried. What was that?"
"I dunno," I say quietly. I kick at a bit of rock that fell off of the wall, "Bit of a mental breakdown I suppose?"
She laughs, "A bit? Christ I'd hate to see what happens when you fully lose it."
I laugh and press the heels of my hands into my eyes, "Yeah..."
"Did... did I cause this?" I can tell even without looking at Ophelia that she's genuinely concerned.
I sniff my nose, all the built-up emotions that I was feeling have left me drained and beyond exhausted. All I want to do is to lie down and cry honestly. I don't want to hurt my sister, she feels bad enough. But I have to tell her, I can't let all that crap build up again.
I shrug, "Not just you..." I whisper.
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah, well... what happened happened."
I meet Ophelia's eyes and blink a few times. I know that she can tell that I'm keeping something from her. "Who else caused it?" She asks.
I shrug, "Mum... I guess..." I take a breath, "Georgette... ... ... ... Theseus..."
"Georgette? Theseus? How..."
"I – I think I love him."
"Who?"
"Theseus. I think I'm in love with Theseus."
As soon as those words leave my mouth my entire body shuts down. My head gets lighter, my vision goes blurry. I feel myself falling to the ground but I can't stop myself. I can just make out Ophelia running over to me, shouting my name.
Godric I need a nap.