Peter Parker Oneshots

Fatalistic Humor and Vines (request)

I love Marvel. I love Marvel, but I don't own Marvel. If I owned Marvel...I honestly would probably screw it up, but ya know.

This was also a request by @TBSAAHAY123. Hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: fatalistic humor, confusion, inaccurate science and mechanics probably, and mentions of LGTBQ relationships and whatnot.

"Did you try screwing the bolt tighter?" Peter asked.

"Of course I tried-" Shuri said as she did exactly that and the lightsaber she was making turned on. "Oh."

Peter laughed.

"Hey! I'm still the smartest person in the world." Shuri teased. "Can you say that?"

"Well," Peter said. "Since I'm smarter than you-" he ducked as Shuri threw an avocado from lunch at his head.

"It's an avocado...thanks..." Peter said, trying not to laugh. Shuri threw another avocado at his head.

The elevator dinged, announcing Ned's arrival. He had been invited to hang out with the Princess of Wakanda, who was curious about Peter's best friend.

"Hi!" Shuri greeted. "You must be Ned. One question...how much money do you have?"

Ned blinked, then caught on, pasting a fake sad look on his face. "69 cents."

"You know what that means!" Peter burst in, exaggeratedly wiggling his eyebrows, causing his friends to giggle.

"I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets!" Ned finished.

They all collapsed on the floor, laughing. Tony, who had followed Ned in, sighed and left. At least they were making friends.

A few minutes later, Peter was telling the other two about a cute boy he had met. "He's so cute, though. I want to die."

Shuri casually replied, "There's bleach in the cupboard."

"Or a rope in the closet if that's more your style. Don't know if you want to die in the closet, though."

The group turned to stare at Steve who had entered the room looking for his sketchbook moments ago.

"What?" Steve asked. "I was soldier. Didn't think I get fatalistic humor?"

The group exchanged evil glances, and pulled Steve into their circle, spending the next five hours until dinner introducing him to vines. Once he got used to the style of humor, he found them hysterical.

---

Dinner that night was fun. No one knew Steve was acquainted with memes and Vines, so the teens started the meal much the same way they always did.

"Fre Sha Va Cado!" Shuri shouted, digging into her meal. Ned snorted. Tony and T'challa both died a little inside.

"Road Work Ahead?" Peter prompted.

"Uh, Yeah! I sure hope it does!" responded Shuri, Ned, and...Steve?

"Steve? What?" Bucky asked.

"Bucky. These kids have got to show you their vines and memes. You'll love 'em." Steve said through his laughter.

Bucky sighed. "I'd rather you kill me."

"Don't be a coward," Peter responded. "Do it yourself, man."

"Do a flip." Shuri called.

Tony, T'challa, and the rest of the Avengers left, very confused and a little concerned.

Bucky laughed. "Wait! You guys get that kind of stuff? Everyone else here just asks me if I'm okay when I say stuff like that!"

"Are any of us really okay, though?" Peter asked.

"Mood." Ned said.

"Mood." Shuri said.

"Mood." Steve said.

"Mood?" Bucky just went with the flow.

Tony and T'challa forever regretted the day the teens met the veterans and became the 'Terror Team,' as the rest of the Avengers put it.

The End.

When I tried to type that Steve was looking for his sketchbook, I somehow messed it up bad enough that my phone autocorrected it to shibboleth, which I looked up and apparently means "A word or phrase that distinguishes one group from another." You learn something new everyday. Thanks, autocorrect!

Not sure that's totally what you were looking for, but I liked it. Hope ya'll did to!

Bye!