Our Dance: Shawn Mendes ✔️

84

Lila Hamilton
-next day

Although me and Shawn had talked there was still a little tension between us. Merely because I'm so in my head, overthinking and making myself feel like utter shit but I can't help it

I felt bad for feeling like this though, bad for Haven since I felt as though I was doing a horrible job at being his mother. Reading all these things online has all gotten to my head.

Even now, as I sit on the sofa with Haven in my arms, I'm unable to put my phone down and stop reading all the hatful comments.

My eyes get glossy as I scroll down my feed. My heart clenching and my mind believing all of it.

"Hey you" Shawn makes himself comfortable beside me, a cup of tea in his large left hand and his other going around me. His eyes glance down at my phone and he's already sighing.

"It's not true" He takes my phone away. "You need to delete that app-"

"It feels like it is true" I cut him off, "I'm too busy worrying about myself than my own baby-"

"That's not true Lila-"

"It is. I spend my whole day crying or having stupid panic attacks and I feel so- just so useless. I know it's true that I'm not a perfect mother-"

"No ones perfect"

"But Haven deserves perfection. How can I give him that? How can I look after him when I'm so hopeless and so— so, I don't even know" I huff leaning my back on the sofa.

"Life isn't perfect and Haven will grow up to know that" Shawn begins softly, "and you need to take care of yourself too, honey. Whatever you need to do, do it. Cry it out and talk to me, I'm sorry that I'm making you feel like you can't talk to me-"

"It's not you" I cut him off, leaning my head on his shoulder. "It's just me. Me and my stupid self-"

"Nuh uh!" Shawn objects. "You and your beautiful self, Lila. Me and Haven are so lucky to have someone as strong, as kind and patient and beautiful as you in our lives"

I look up and he's already looking down at me with twinkling eyes. "I'm the lucky one"

For a few moments it falls silent. A lovely little bit of silence. Where for a few moments the universe felt like it was on my side.

"The house seems a dull to say it's the season" Shawn comments. I hum in agreement looking around, I mean we didn't even have a Christmas tree or lights or any gifts out. I was too broken to do any of that.

"I think that we should go shopping for some stuff. Lighten up the mood" Shawn suggest.

"We can order it online"

He shakes his head no. "It's our first Christmas with our baby boy, we're going all out, honey" he wears a proud smirk. "Yeah, we should go all out" I smile up at him. "I'll go get ready"

"You don't need to. You look perfect right now"

I shake my head no, "I'll be quick" I pass Haven over to Shawn and leave the living room.
-

"My god, you look gorgeous" Shawn grins, locking our hands. "Don't lie to me" I shake my head at him. I was wearing black sweats and Shawn's oversized black nike hoodie with red puffer jacket along with a winter scarf and a woolly hat. My make up also done, I felt as though I had to put it on to look somewhat decent.

"I'm not lying. You look beautiful" his arm drapes around my shoulder and he pulls me in. Haven was tucked into his stroller, looking around in wonder and excitement.

"Shawn-"

"Baby, don't deny it. You look sexy" he kisses my cheek as we walk further into the market. I don't respond anymore. We simply walk down the busy walk way, looking around at all the booths that were selling all sorts. Shawn already had a tree at home, so now we just had to look for the decorations.

"What colours should we do?" Shawn asks.

"Red and white?"

"Sounds perfect. Some white ribbons and bows, white fairy lights and red baubles? We can get Haven to put the star on top" Shawn grins excitedly. I hum in agreement, that's when I spot some decorations.

"Let's go over there" I gesture. Shawn nods, following me over to the stall.

"Hi, can I help with anything today?" An elderly man asks us. "Erm we're looking for white and red, for our tree" Shawn tells him.

"Nice combo, we have tons of stuff-" he pulls out a box full of decorations. "Have a look, just pop it in this bag" he hands Shawn a large brown bag.

"Go on honey" Shawn removes his arm from me and he picks up Haven. I start picking out all the pretty stuff, whilst Shawn shows Haven all the decorations. "I'm gonna grab some lights from over there" Shawn tells me.

"I'll be here"

He nods then leans into me, he hesitates for a second then I lean up to kiss his cheek. His smile rises, "Go" I chuckle softly.

I watch as he walks away, talking to Haven. Then I turn back to the decor.

"Your baby is adorable" the man says making me smile. "His names Haven" I tell him.

"What a lovely name, and your husband seems so in love with you. He's been glancing back here at you every few seconds" he chuckles.

That makes my heart race, it was just what I needed to hear for some reason. Someone else could see the love between us.

I look over my shoulder and Shawn was already looking at me, he lifts Haven's hand and they both wave at me, sharing the same smile that I loved so deeply. I wave back then blow a kiss.