Our Dance: Shawn Mendes ✔️

51

Lila Hamilton
-next morning

My love, Lila
I'm so, so sorry. This is the fourth time I'm writing this and I can't think of the right things to say. I need you to know I've changed. These last months have changed me, I've gone to therapy, anger management classes. I've even moved down to LA, to give you space.
I know I hurt you, trust me I know. And you didn't deserve any of it. I'm sorry for lying, shouting and putting my hands on you.
I can't say how sorry I am.
I love you Lila. I love you so much, I remember thinking we had a future, marriage , kids and house but you need all of that with the right person.
If there's any chance of a future with me please, please. I beg for you to call me.
I love you, I always will. Hopefully we can be together.
Happy birthday beautiful
Love Jasper

I was in the same dress. Shoes still on. Makeup smudged and the letter placed on the coffee table beside some stuff.

I read the letter maybe ten times, then five times more. Then everything Jasper had ever said to me played in my head, like he was sat beside me whispering in my ear. Eventually, when I fell asleep for ten minutes I was shaken awake by my own body, as if his hands had found their way on my body.

There's no way I'm forgiving him. He doesn't deserve it.

I get up, heels clicking on the floor as I make my way to the kitchen. Making two coffees, hoping Shawn was awake and willing to talk to me. I've done nothing wrong yet he's angry with me.

"Shawn?" I call. I struggle to open the door with my elbow then when I get it open he's there with the curtains shut, lamp on, still in his dress pants and his shirt was on the floor.

"Hi" I say lowly, walking over. "You should take your shoes off, that noise is annoying"

I put the mugs down and sit where I usually sleep beside him taking my shoes off. I sit back and stretch my legs out. "Here" I hand him the mug.

"Don't want it"

Well okay then. I put it down and just look straight ahead trying to figure out what to say. "Last night was nice" I blurt out. However, Shawn ignores me getting up, I keep my eyes on him. Watching as he escapes to the bathroom, walking out with a fresh face, changing his clothes and putting his shoes on.

"Hey where are you going?" I get up quickly. "Out with the guys" he mumbles lazily walking away. I follow, hot on his heels.

"Shawn" I take his hand and he twist his body to look at me coldly. "When you're back maybe we could talk?" I ask timidly.

"Might be back late" he shrugs. "Oh okay" I nod. "I'm-"

"I gotta go. Can you hurry up?" He pesters pushing my hand away. "It's not important, have a nice day" I lean up kissing his cheek but of course I get nothing back except a lovely view of him walking away.

-
"I don't know what I did wrong Carmen" I sniffle. "You didn't do a thing wrong babe, he's probably just in a irrational place. Maybe he thinks you'll go back to him-"

"I would never. Carmen, you know I haven't talked to Jasper in ages, I haven't even thought about him in so long" my voice breaking.

"I know, I know. Just when Shawn's back, talk to him"

"Yeah. I'll go now, thanks"

"No worries. Talk it out" she ends the call. I look down at my phone seeing it was one thirty  am and he's still not back. Well that's what I think but then the door opens and slams shut.

I quickly wipe my face and get up. "You're going back to him aren't you?" Shawn slurs toppling into the living room to stand right in front of me.

"No, I'm not. I swear I didn't even read the letter till last night" I explain.

"You love him" his hands going to my shoulders. I shake my head no feeling my eyes water again.

"You used me as a rebound" He cries. His hand shaking on my skin. "Shawn, I didn't. I love you" I move my hands to cup his jaw but he tugs my wrists down harshly.

"Shawn-"

"No" he cuts me off. "I love you Lila. I want to marry you and have babies but you don't want me do you? You still love him?"

I stay silent shaking my head no.

"Answer me" he shoves me back but walks with me until I'm pressed against the cold glass.

He wouldn't hurt me. He wouldn't.

"Let go" I whisper. "If you lay your hands on me then your just like him" my chest heaving. I could feel my body tense. His eyes keep focus on mine.

"I'll leave and I won't look back if you hurt me" I silently prayed he'd move away and he does. His beautiful sad eyes wander around the room like he didn't know what to do with himself. Next thing you know he's on the floor, knees bent up with elbows resting on his knees and head in hands.

"Shawn" I coo softly, I sit beside him as close I could. My head resting against his shoulder and I wrap my arms around his bicep.

"I don't love him. I never have" I tell him softly, tears of my own rolling down my cheeks and wetting his denim jacket. "I won't even forgive him because he doesn't deserve it... you know what he did-did to me. You think I'm going back to him when I have you. You treat me better, better than he can-"

"What?"

I stop talking completely confused. He wipes his nose on his sleeve then looks at me. "You just quoted my song and you've not even heard it" a small smile on his pretty lips.

I lean in closer putting a hand on his cheek. His lashes wet and slightly sticking together and the tip of his nose slightly red. He looked so cute.

He licks his lips making them glossy. "Can I kiss you or not?" He asks as if I'd say no to him.

Instead of replying I just push closer and taste the saltiness of his tears that had fallen to his lush lips. His hands cup my cheeks, I noticed he was a face holder when it came to kissing.

"No one compares to you" I whisper into the kiss. "And you have to believe me"

He nods not talking, to passionate about the kiss. "I love you" I pull back breathlessly.

"I love you too and I'm- I'm so fucking sorry for putting my hands on you, if I do that again please hit me-"

"Hey, there won't be a next time" I cut him off gently. "Am I forgiven?" He asks making my heart leap out of my chest. He was my everything.

I nod pecking his lips but he holds me there much longer.