Our Dance: Shawn Mendes ✔️

58

Lila Hamilton
- 9 weeks pregnant

Wake up. Text Shawn. Eat like I've never eaten. Throw up. Cry. Work. Eat. Throw up. Nap. Cry. Call Shawn. Sleep.

That was my painful schedule. Who knew pregnancy would be this annoying this early? The random crying over seeing another baby or seeing a dog, wanting to eat everything I lay my eyes on and then crying because I can't have dinner with Shawn for what seems like forever.

No hedging around it, its hard.

Shawn knew too. I find it impossible to hide my feelings, especially from him.

Today was my second appointment. I was nervous as hell. Luckily I had Taylor to come with me. Before going in I text Shawn telling him about the scan then clutching to Taylor's arm we walk in.

"Hi, Lila how're you feeling?" Doctor Oslo grins. "Am I allowed to say not good?" I chuckle. "You most definitely are" he nods.

"This is Taylor by the way" the two meet and then I'm laying on the soft bed.

"Wait erm, doctor, is today the heartbeat?" I ask nervously. "Yes if we can detect one, and by now all the vital organs are forming so we should" he smiles.

"Is it okay if I get it recorded, I don't want to hear it yet" I tell him. Taylor squeezes my hand gently, she knew I wanted to listen with Shawn. "Of course, that's fine. But I'm obliged to tell you everything else. If that okay?"

"Even the gender, I don't want to know" I shake my head quickly. "That's not for another few weeks" he chuckles.

So we go on with the ultrasound. My baby was the size of a cherry.
-

"You okay in there honey?" Taylor rushes into the bathroom. I sit up nodding, flushing the toilet of my vomit. "I'm fine"

She sighs and sits beside me taking my cold hands. "Come on, tell me what's going on"
My head tilts against her shoulder and I find myself silently crying. No noise leaving my lips just hot tears.

"Erm Everything is just weird right now" I admit. "Everything smells horrible, I have a headache everyday... I miss him so bad, I know he'd take care of me" I say in a whisper. "Oh love, I know he would too...listen, I don't know a lot about pregnancy, I erm can't get pregnant-"

"Taylor, I feel so shitty now. I'm complaining about something so special" I sob into my hands. "No babe it's okay. You're allowed to feel like this. You can cry all you want. Get it all out, remember don't bottle it up" she rubs my back.

We stay like this until my phone rings. "It's Shawn" I wipe my eyes. "I'll go home now, give you some privacy. Just call me if anything happens" she kisses the top of my head and leaves me on the bathroom floor.

I swipe and answer the call. "Oh my, hi gorgeous, just got off stage and it was so fucking cool. You know first time playing London. A fucking sold out show and everyone knew all the words and it was so cool!" He exclaims, pacing back and forth in a hotel room.

"That sounds amazing. Did you have fun?" I ask, I couldn't help but smile when he did.

"The absolute most. It's like a buzz going through me and I love the feeling. I don't ever want to come home" he flops down on the bed.

Oh. Well that hurt.

"Anyway, tell me about your day baby" his tired eyes finally looking at me. "Erm it was good, had another appointment-"

"No way. What was this one? You're six weeks now?"

"I was six when you left" I shake my head at him. "Nine now and erm he's the size of a cherry-"

"You found out the gender without me?" He quickly cuts me off, again.

"No!" I exclaim completely annoyed. "I just think he's a boy and it was the heartbeat today" I say softly. "Did you listen? Fuck I can't believe this" he huffs.

"No, I just asked him to record it for me so we can listen together in two weeks, just two weeks left" I try to lighten the sudden change in atmosphere.

"Why Wait for me? Just listen to it" his voice now so cold all of a sudden.

Something in me snapped and I a hundred percent blame the pregnancy hormones.

"Maybe I will. Maybe I'll do everything myself since you don't even want to come home" I say full of anger.

"Yeah you do that babe, have fun" his voice so bitter.

"I will. I'll do it all myself"

"Okay that's fine"

"Why are you being so mean? I miss you so much and you're shouting at me" I say quickly.

"I'm not, you don't think I miss you too?"

"I don't know because you're getting annoyed at me for going to an appointment, if you're that bothered then come home!" I exclaim.

"You think it's that easy? Babe I'm in a different country for my job-"

"Exactly! You're so far away!"

"Whatever, are you done?"

"Have fun on tour Shawn" I end the call before he could have another go at me. I lean back closing my eyes.

Okay now it's even harder. Fuck.

I quickly call Shawn back, no reply. Then again and no reply. So I had to resort to texting him.

Me
I'm sorry for what I said
I'm just stressed out and I didn't meant to lash out. I'm so proud of you, hope you know that.
I love you ❤️

Me
Please call me back, I'm sorry

-
After a sleepless night of rolling around in bed, watching pointless YouTube videos and just staring at absolutely nothing morning had risen.

Not texts from Shawn. Surely it wasn't that big of a deal, it was stupid.

I get up lazily getting ready for the day; shower, get dressed and I'm off to the studio. I park up and see a few dancers leaving.

"Hey! You're lucky to have Shawn" Yasmin grins at me "also have fun at the studio!" She exclaims, She was the manager of the studio. Before I even say anything she's gone.

I know I'm lucky.

I open up the door only to be stunned by the bouquets of red roses everywhere. Tears start forming in my eyes. I look around and grab the white envelope as I pull up Shawn's contact to call him but of course, straight to voicemail.

"Hi, its me, Lila. Erm I'm still sorry about last night. I miss you loads and it's getting to me i guess-" I rip open the envelope opening the card, I start reading it as I take a seat beside some flowers.

"And call me please, I want to talk like properly... oh and I'm almost showing. Hopefully, when I meet you there'll be a small bump-"

-Lila
Hi gorgeous, I miss you and you have no idea how bad. I miss everything about you, your pretty smile, perfect hair, adorable giggle-

"And I'm just reading the note and- and I don't want to cry but I really miss you and seeing all the flowers, it's so sweet. I love you and call me when you can" I end the call reading the rest of the note.

-I know things aren't perfect but I'd love to fix it all. I know I love you. I don't want anyone else. Enjoy the flowers beautiful.
Love Jasper