Our Dance: Shawn Mendes ✔️

22

Shawn Mendes
-dance studio

I gulp stepping closer to her but I immediately regret it when she steps back. However, I don't take it personally.

"What're you doing here?" She asks me. "Just- erm... you okay?" I ask, I was absolutely terrified of her response. Not once had she raised her voice at me, showed any anger towards me for what I did or how I made her feel that day.

"You came all the way here to ask me how I am?" She asks, swiftly walking past me to sit on the steps. The steps, where we talked for hours.

"I don't live that far"

"I wouldn't know" she mumbles. "Right..." I nod. I shove my hands in my pockets awkwardly looking around at the place where we had spent so much time together.

"I'm fine and sit down, you're making me nervous" she speaks up. I let out a small chuckle just because I didn't know what else to say. So I take a seat beside the gorgeous girl, she had her legs stretched out ahead of her and her hands on her lap, her eyes focused on the several rings she wore.

"How're you?" She asks me. My heart picked up the pace. Yes, I had people who cared for me but when she asked it felt like she meant it. Like I could talk to her for hours without it being a burden on her. "Fine" I simply respond.

She tilts her head to look up at me. "Fine? You don't have to pretend...I mean I don't know exactly what you're going through but-but I guess it can't be good. I'm sorry-"

"Why're you apologising?" I cut her off. "You didn't do anything wrong Lila, what happened between me and Grace was between us. That's all" I tell her, hoping to reassure her.

"Yeah but-"

"There's no buts"

She nods softly, her gorgeous light eyes flickering from my eyes to my lips. I unintentionally bite my bottom lip as I keep my focus on her.

"Is grace okay?"

When she asks me that I'm completely thrown off the course. She truly had a heart of pure gold, how could she care about my ex wife. "I guess she's fine, she has a boyfriend"

Lilas lips gale open a little. "Already?"

"Hmm she's had one for months apparently"

I see it in her eyes that she had clocked on; Grace was loyal to me for the years we were together, I did truly trust her but two months into our marriage she had started talking to some guy and from that is when it all started, the arguments, staying out late, drinking and screaming at each other. Eventually, I grew tired of it and she wanted something else.

I'm dragged out of my thoughts when Lila's small, soft hand goes over mine. Her warmth making me relax.

"You deserve better"

Did she mean her? Do I even deserve her?

"Like you?" I ask completely shooting in the dark. She gulps, now moving her hand. "I'm with Jasper, you can't say that" her voice so quiet.

Now, everything was going okay but I had to just ruin it with what I say next. I wish I had a time machine, a genie to grant me three wishes, a hole I could dive into but I said what I said.

"You told me you loved me when I was with Grace" and that's what I said. The look in her eyes, she looked as if I had stabbed her.

"No wait-"

"It's fine. I mean, that was different" she says and I wanted her to carry on, talk to me.

"When I told you... when I said that I don't think I meant it. I think I said it because I've never been made to feel like how you made me feel and my heart took a leap... you telling me you deserve me is the biggest joke I've heard in my life" her eyes look away from. I definitely just hit a weak spot, I totally just pushed her buttons and my god do I regret it.

"I made all the moves on you whilst you led me on. Calling me pretty, holding my body and telling me you like talking to me, it's the small things but they made me feel like you really liked me... then when Grace- when Grace came here you didn't even have the decency to look at me. The next day you didn't stop me from crying or tell me anything good, you left like that and then I get an invite to your wedding which was the biggest smack to the face... now you're here, asking me how I am?" She takes a second to breathe out deeply.

"You're here when I've moved on? Like I'm some rebound... you think I'm going to fall for you just because you're single?" I watch as she gets up. The tears in my eyes now falling down my cheeks.

She thinks I'm using her as my rebound.

"I bet you knew I would be emotionally unstable and you could just waltz back into my life-"

"No lila, I'm not here to use you" I get up stepping closer to her. She turns around, she's shutting me out.

"You don't get to cry Shawn. I understand the divorce must be tough on you and you lost someone who you thought you could trust but you don't know what you did to me..." I hear her sniffle and my heart shatters.

I move closer and without hesitation I wrap my arms around her waist. My chin resting on her shoulder. She was saying all these things but to juxtapose it all her head tilts back into mine and her eyes flutter shut.

"I'm sorry Lila, I'm so incredibly sorry for everything I made you feel, for what I did and how I went about it. I'm sorry for it all" my voice now a raspy whisper, my lips almost touching her skin.

I feel her chest go in and out as she breathes unsteadily. Then my lips press against her skin on her neck, I never touched her like this and I never thought it would feel this good.

"Shawn" she whispers. I hum in response letting my lips kiss up and down her neck.

"Tell me to stop" I mumble against her skin. For a few seconds she doesn't say anything so I continue when I see her bite down on her bottom lip in pure pleasure.

"S-stop" she barely lets out.

She spins out of my grip, her face all distraught. "I'm- i-" she cuts herself off as she goes into a state of panic, like when we were in the lift. "Lila, hey calm down" I walk towards her.

"Don't" she moves back so shes against the wall as she attempts to control her breathing.

"Okay, I won't touch. Just take deep breaths with me. In and out slowly" I step closer to her.

Her body shivers as she goes down to the floor bringing her legs up and she leans her head on her knees. She's having a panic attack right in front of my eyes. I kneel down not touching her.

"Lila, hey look at me"

She lifts her head up, her cheeks blushing red and eyes filled to the brim with tears. My heart ached for her.

"I'm going to hold your hand, okay?"

She nods as she watches me reach out to take her hand. Then I pull her body into mine.

"Come here, baby. It's okay" I coo. I stroke her hair, rub her back as she calms down in my arms. Her head tucked into my chest. Her fingers clutching onto my hoodie.

"I-I need to-to go h-home" she hiccups. "Okay, okay where's your phone. I'll call Jasper" I tell her looking around. I reach back for her phone grabbing it.

"C-call Carmen"

"Okay, I'll text her okay? You just stay focused on breathing"

So then I hold her until Carmen gets here.