Septiplier One-Shots

Jack and Mike

*whispers* Thank you Brooklyn Nine-Nine for (being an awesome show) this idea! Also, I really love the headcanon that Jack is bisexual and Mark is pansexual dONT JUDGE

"Alright," Mark said, stepping out of the car and locking it behind him, "we're looking for a man using the alias of 'Pewdiepie.' He is a twenty-five year old white male with dirty blonde hair, and he's supposed to be searching for a man named Kenneth Charles Morrison. Morrison's fiancee had reported that she had gotten several calls from Pewdiepie, who had asked her about 'the man Ken killed.' She had refused to give Pewdiepie any information on this subject, either to keep a secret or because she was oblivious to what he was talking about.

"Sean, you better be one badass motherfucker. It's a bunch of baloney that my partner backed out of this last minute to go on vacation, so don't disappoint me. We need to catch this guy before he does anything stupid."

"Aye aye, captain!" Sean replied, saluting. Though this was not the time to be making jokes, both men laughed. They quieted down as they entered the restaurant, Mark holding the door open for Sean. They both instantly froze as they were suddenly faced with someone who's profile matched Pewdiepie's. As the man turned his head to look at the two stunned cops, Mark and Sean were able to confirm that this was the man they were looking for.

"Hey, I'm Felix!" he cheerfully said, wrapping his arm around the girl next to him, "This is my lovely girlfriend, Marzia. We might as well speak while we wait in this long-ass line."

"O-Oh. Oh! My name is Jack, and beside me is Mike." Sean said, noticing the long line full of chatting couples and families. Mark observed that Sean was quick to give Felix and Marzia fake names, so he flashed him a slight smile, showing his pride towards Sean.

"You guys are adorable!" Marzia squeaked, giggling, "How long have you been together?"

The two turned to each other, exchanging looks that showed how unprepared they were for something like this to happen. They looked back at the couple, trying to hide their fear.

"O-One year," Mark said, letting out a breath that he was holding in, "We've been dating for a year."

"That's awesome! We love to see how open you guys are, you know, because you're..." Felix gestured to the two of them, making no effort to finish his sentence. Neither Mark nor Sean could tell if that was a homophobic slur or not, but they internally decided to just take it as a compliment.

It didn't take long until Felix and Marzia were assigned a table, but there were no free tables for Mark and Sean yet, so they had to wait a little more.

"Keep you're eyes peeled for the two of them," Mark whispered to Sean as they both carefully watched Felix and Mariza, "We have no idea if his lovely lady is aware of what he's doing."

"Are you gay?" Sean asked, seemingly ignoring the task at hand.

"That- that's not important right now."

"I just want to know if your okay with us being together and shit."

"I'm pansexual, alright? You're lucky I'm not married, or you'd be so boned."

"No, I think you'd be boned, because whoever the fuck you're married to will fall for me! I'm bisexual, by the way, so I don't care if your partner is a man!"

"You ass!" Mark laughed, punching Sean's arm in a playful manner. Seconds later, they were escorted to a table for two, which was conveniently and inconveniently next to Felix and Mariza. The two stared at Mark and Sean with admiration, basically adoring their existence. But, because they were so close to them, Mark and Sean were unable to privately communicate without gaining attention from Felix and Marzia.

"We're sorry for staring, Mike and Jack," Marzia apologized, "but you guys are so cute together!"

"Uh, thanks." Mark replied, obviously uncomfortable with the situation. Out of the corner his eye, he noticed Felix constantly check his watch.

"You okay, babe?" Sean asked, sending Mark a sympathetic look.

Mark quickly knew Sean was giving him a signal to leave the table so they can talk about Felix and Marzia in private, so Mark rapidly shook his head. They stood up and walked towards the men's bathroom, Sean wrapping his arm around Mark's waist. Once inside, they dropped their cover.

"He kept checking his watch." they stated in unison.

"You saw him, too?" Mark asked.

"Yeah. I also saw him lookin' around, probably trying to find Morrison."

Somebody suddenly sneezed from outside of the bathroom, and in fear that it was Felix, they both hid in the same stall. The man entered the room and used the sink instead of one of the urinals or toilets. Sean crouched on the toilet to hide his feet, trying to make room for Mark to do the same. A few minutes later, the two heard another man enter the bathroom without the other man leaving.

"Follow my lead." Sean whispered in attempt to be as quiet as possible. Mark nodded slightly, trying to ready himself for whatever Sean wanted to do, but he was definitely not prepared for Sean to smash his lips against Mark's. It was a hard kiss, one that was full of lust. Mark opened the stall door and they stumbled out, the two other men staring at them with confused expressions as they made out.

Mark pulled away from Sean, his arms wrapped around Sean's neck, and said, "Oh, I'm sorry for the disturbance. I told you we should've waited until we got home, Jack!"

A blush crept up on Sean's face as he noticed one of the men were Felix, who looked terrified. But the blush immediately faded right when he saw the knife in Felix's hand. The other man must've been Ken Morrison, for he was trapped in Felix's grasp, who pressed him against the wall and held the knife to his neck.

"H-H-H-He killed my friend. He killed Cry!" Felix tried to protest in order to get Mark and Sean to leave him alone.

"I didn't mean to!" Ken wailed.

Something clicked in Mark's brain as he remembered a case about Ken Morrison hitting a bystander with his car. Ken was not arrested because the bystander who had died 'appeared out of nowhere,' and Ken was not being distracted by anything at the time.

"Drop the knife, Pewdiepie." Mark growled.

Mark and Sean both pulled out their guns, aiming them at Felix. He sighed and dropped the knife, letting Ken go, and putting his hands up in the process. He had just decided to let go and give up because it was a two-against-one situation, and he didn't want to try to defeat to two officers.

"Are you guys really dating?" Felix asked as Mark cuffed him, his eyes shining with curiosity.

"No, we aren't. Our names aren't even Mike and Jack!" Sean answered.

"Well, you guys would be cute together. You really convinced Marzia," he paused, "What happens to Marzia when I'm in prison?"

Mark snorted, "Hopefully she'll find someone better than you, you douche."

***

Both Sean and Mark had a day off the next day, so they decided to spend some time together.

"You're a great kisser." Mark said as soon as he saw Sean.

"Nice to see you, too, Mark."

"We should do that again." Mark started wiggling his eyebrows, making Sean chuckle.

"I'd like to go on a real date first. I like getting to know who exactly I'm fucking."

"You dirty bastard." Mark replied as he laughed. When he calmed down, he noticed Sean holding out his arm. They linked arms and started walking, the biggest smiles appearing on their faces.

"Onwards, Mike!"

"I'm right with you, Jack!"