CHAPTER 9 : CONSEQUENCES

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Sam's POV

I don't know how long I was asleep, but I awoke to a very troubled and concerned Mon along with my equally concerned looking grandma and just like that I was overcome by a sudden urge to panic again

God I hate this!

All i do is make them worry!

I am pathetic!

Why can't I control my fucking body?!

I never had issues before, so why now?!

Why does it have to be now?!

I couldn't even control my rising tremors though I put my all into it

I willed my body to listen, but to no avail

sigh they obviously noticed something was wrong because they began to worry and frown even more!

I really hate them looking at me like this!

They're looking at me as if i'd break at any time

Granted that they were right because I really am so messed up right now, but I still wanted to save a little bit of dignity!

I wanted to shout at them to stop looking at me!

To leave me alone!

I wanted to tell them that I didn't need their pity!

That I am better than this!

I know I am better than this!

But doing any of those is just plain selfish!

I can't do that to my grandma...
To Mon...

I know they're not judging me

I know they simply are worried about me

I should be happy because despite my circumstance, they didn't give up on me

They still cared...

But why?
Why does it make me more miserable instead?!

And why can't i pull myself together?!

Ugh!!!

Why are u so weak Sam?!

This is not you!

You are SAMANAN ANANTRAKUL!

You dominate!

You rule!

You are in control!

So, just what are you even doing right now?!

ughhh!!!! This is all that stupid voices fault!!!

You did this!

Why won't u just leave me alone!!!

Blaming me again Sam?

Ha ha ha ha

Sure why not?

U just need someone to blame right?

U need to point fingers to feel better about yourself right?

Ha ha ha ha

Fine let me have it!

Give it your best shot!

I'm waiting!

Tell me again how it's all my fault!

The perfect Khun Sam couldn't have possibly messed up right?

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