Author: @KeiraKnox1
Chapters: 3 chapters plus Prologue
Genre: Teen Fiction
Specific: Everything
Book
Cover-
I love your cover! It's great and appealing.
Blurb-
I also love your blurb. It's detailed and has all the elements to entice readers. You have the right amount of information too.
The only issue I would advise would be to write the blurb in the present tense. I've researched this for my own book, hence why I recommend others to write their blurbs in the present. I think this is mainly because traditional books are commonly written in the present tenses.
Still, you're the author. So, keep doing you.
Grammar-
(Chapter One)
Your example...
"It's all I'd pushed myself toward my whole life,"
You change tenses with "it's."
A suggestion could be...
"It was everything I wanted my whole life,"
Unless it's an inner thought, then add it in italics.
✿
Another example is...
"So, that's what happened."
"that's" = "that is" or "that has." These are the present variations.
The past could be, "that was" or "had."
A suggestion could be...
"So, that was what happened."
Punctuation-
N/A - Couldn't find any issues here.
Character Development/ plot –
(Prologue)
You brought the emotions of Emori to life through your descriptions and choice of words.
There are some questions I had, like why did she want to lose weight? Was she bullied or slightly overweight? I understood more as I continue to read on, but I thought one or two more sentences could be added for clarity to describe why she wanted to lose weight for her dad.
(Chapter One)
It's nice to see Emori finally able to love her new transformation. It doesn't matter what others think. All that matters is her health and the fact she feels comfortable in her own skin.
I hope she realises that she doesn't have to be thin to join the Cheerleading squad or to be accepted into a certain society/ group. Popularity and being perfect isn't what it appears to be.
Travis seems like the usual jerk you get at every high school.
The part about Tay seemed a little abrupt. I would have liked a little bit more information from his accident and when Emori sees him, not realising that he is blind.
(Chapter Two)
I feel bad for Tay because it must be so hard being a football player to suddenly becoming blind. It's like his future has been swiped away. You do a great job of displaying his feelings regarding his situation.
It's nice that some of his friends and teachers are supportive and understanding. My heart goes out for him having to put up with all the whispering.
I love when authors write about real-life topics and issues. The fact that you are tackling body shame and disability is amazing.
The only thing that is getting under my skin is the fact that all the boys are showing more attention to Emori because she lost weight. I was Emori back at high school, and while I lost a lot of weight, nobody really noticed apart from one girl that wanted to know my "secret."
I can resonate with Emori wanting to lose weight to be invisible, unnoticeable and to fit in.
I think that's why I love how you portray Tay because he likes Emori for Emori, no matter what her weight is. I think that's the message you're trying to convey and I like that.
(Chapter Three)
I find it hurtful how Travis is talking to Emori because now she looks a different way. Before, he wouldn't talk to her in the same way because of her appearance. I hate how society can influence us to behave and to look in a certain way.
I like how Tay is open about his feelings. Men aren't always strong, so I love that you show him being teary.
Overall enjoyment-
I really enjoyed reading your book, so much so, that I added it to my reading list. I'm a slow reader, but I plan to finish it.
At parts, I started to get frustrated with Emori because of her decisions and maybe her naivety. She seems to think losing lots of weight will make her life better, and most of the time, it doesn't. I fell into the same trap and developed an eating disorder, so some parts of her character annoyed me. BUT, that was because of my issue and not because of your characters or book. I don't find any other issue.
I actually didn't see many issues for you to focus on, and that's the first because I'm a picky reader.
1 - You switch tenses a little, but nothing major. Just the odd word or two. Just be aware when rechecking work.
2 - Maybe considering changing the blurb to present tense.
And that's it!
Great job!
If you have any questions, just let me know.
Feel free not to take my suggestions, but if you do, I hope you find them useful.
Thank you for letting me review your book. Please check, "After Friday Night, " if you've got time.