Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Inside the Jar

Author: @_Twisted_Roses_

Chapters: 10 chapters

Genre: Teen Fic/ Humour

Specific: Plot and overall enjoyment

Cover-

I think your cover is effective here because you play around with the meaning of the words as they are getting put into the jar, metaphorically speaking.

It's quite eye-catching as the fancy lettering stands out against the blurred background. Good job.

Blurb-

I don't really like speech taken from the book and put into your blurb. I know some people like this because it gives the readers a piece of your writing style. It can hook the readers, but I advised to keep it fairly short if you want to use an extract from your book.

I like the second part of your blurb. You could join these two sentences together to make it longer.

My suggestion...

"After Zander confesses his feelings (and identity) things are looking up for him and Amazon, but when the feelings aren't mutual, it gets complicated."

Grammar-

(Chapter Two)

I like how you show the readers in chapter two that Tristian may like Amazon more than friends from his nervous gestures. "He runs the back of his neck."

Although it would be clearer if you explained this in a little more detail.

My suggestion would be...

"He runs his hand across the back of his neck."

(Chapter Six)

I noticed a small typo here in this sentence.

"Says the guy would pushed a bullied girl twice, dumped a bucket of water on her, and laughed at her face several times,"

My suggestion would be...

"Says the guy who pushed and bullied a girl twice, dumping a bucket of water on her and laughing in her face several times. Yeah, you're a true gent,"

(Chapter Eight)

Some of your sentences sound awkward when read.

Your example...

"My hair is let open,"

A suggestion here could be...

"I let my hair down as the waves flowed over my shoulder, the tips puffier than usual due to the humidity."

Punctuation-

(Chapter Two)

Your example...

"Like us, for instance," I nod at his wisdom."

This is a dialogue tag showing action, so there should be a full stop and not a comma.

My suggestion...

"Like us, for instance." I nod at his wisdom."

Another example is...

"I gotta go this way, bye," I point to the right."

My suggestion would be...

"I gotta go this way, bye." I point to the right."

                                                                                      ✿ 

I would consider putting this sentence into italics as it sounds like it is coming from Amazon's inner thoughts.

"Oof. That's right. So does Tristan. Urgh...and Drams Queens: Skai and Francene."

Another example is...

"See, this is what I'm talking about."

Character Development/ plot -

Woah. I'm surprised about Jar's identity. I've only read 10 chapters from "Outside the Box," so I was confused between two people.

Zander and Amazon are completely different from each other, but I like what you did (opposites attract)

I like how you introduce a dilemma in the first chapter about Amazon's feelings for Zander.

You don't have to indicate Amazon's POV on every chapter unless the previous chapter was from another character's POV.

Amazon doesn't seem to like the Jock in Zander. I'm getting the hint that this is the start of her feelings changing. I wonder why Zander can't change though. Zander (Jar) seemed the opposite, and they built a friendship. Did Amazon fall for Zander or did she actually fall for Jar (the imaginary boy) These are all my presumptions based on the ten chapters I read of the book previously?

I like Zander. He seems to genuinely like Amazon. His character is good, and you built Skai perfectly.

Alex seems flirty, fun and mysterious. He is like another replica of Jar, but I love how you plot out their conversations. You make their conversations relatable.

I like that we see a different POV. Harry's POV makes it more interesting.

I get the feeling that Tristan is trying to make Zander re-evaluate his relationship with Amazon because he has feelings for Amazon instead.

Does Tristan know that he is texting Amazon and that he is keeping it from Zander because he secretly wants to be with her?

Tristan is like a different person via text. He appears cockier and sure of himself. I suppose that shows that you don't really know who you're talking to via the internet.

Chapter ten is my favourite because Zander is so close to discovering the truth about Tristan.

Overall Enjoyment-

I knew I was going to enjoy reading your book before I even started. I enjoyed reading "Outside the Box" and had a feeling "Inside the Jar" was going to be similar, and I'm glad it was.

I love the guessing idea to your story like the first one. You have a big plot twist about Tristian pretending to be Alex to get closer to Amazon. His true feelings come out, and it's exciting to see where your story goes.

A suggestion would be to just have a quick read through your work, just to pick up on the small minor typos and to consider putting her inner thoughts in italics.

Keep up the great work!

If you have any questions, just let me know.

Feel free to not take my suggestions, but if you do, I hope you find them useful.

Thank you for letting me review your book. Please check "Inside the Jar" if you've got time.