Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Philophobe

Author: @anonymiae

Chapters: You requested 5 chapters, but I only read 3. I will let you know why in the overall enjoyment part.

Genre: Fanfiction/ LGBTQ

Specific: Everything

Book

Cover-

I'm not entirely sure what the butterfly has to do with the story. At first, I thought it linked in with nature, as in- coming out as being gay and being free as a butterfly.

Other than that, I see no relevance.

By the way, the title is a great fit

Blurb-

I liked the blurb and didn't see anything wrong with it. I think it will either capture the readers attention or it won't as Fanfiction is aimed at a specific audience. 

Congratulations on the awards that you've won!

Grammar-

(Chapter One)

Your grammar is relatively superb, but the only problem was awkward phrasing in some parts of the chapter.

Your example...

"It was pink, what she wore."

This sounds awkward like it's back to front. I think you did this intentionally because of the tone of your writing.

I would, however, suggest to write it more straightforward..."Her clothes were pink..." or "She wore pink clothes that belonged to her sister-in-law..." (Something like that or words to that effect).

This is because readers will be able to read it easier, instead of stumbling over the sentence.

✿

There is a small slip up with tenses here.

Your example...

"...that's where everyone flocked."

That's = that is, or that has (both are present tense)

A suggestion would be...

"...that was where everyone flocked."

✿

Your examples...

"The thing with pain is that is takes moments for it to set in."

And

"It's never immediate."

You switch tenses in these two sentences. You write in the past tense, so you have to be careful of the "it's" and "is."

That's your biggest downfall so far in this chapter.

A suggestion would be...

"The thing about pain was, it took moments for it to kick in."

"It was never immediate."

✿

"It's how things were."