Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

No One Knows You Like I Do (Dawko x 8-Bitryan)

Username: Manglepony3

Genre: Fanfiction 

Chapters: 6 chapters

Specific: How to improve writing and my thoughts on their relationship

Book 

Cover - 

Because I don't know exactly who they are, I did have to research their names. I guess the cover is relevant if you're into this fandom. It's hard for me to review based on the cover. 

Blurb - 

I liked the blurb when I read it the first time. Once I finished reading the book, I felt like there were a lot of opportunities that were missed that you could have explored further. 

Grammar - 

I saw no issues regarding grammar! 

Punctuation - 

This is a minor issue that I point out in most of my reviews, but it's regarding commas and full stops and when to use them correctly. 

When using speech tags, a comma should be used. When using action tags, a full stop should be used. 

Your examples...

(Chapter one) 

"...Right." Ryan muttered, looking away." 

A suggestion would be...

"...Right," Ryan muttered, looking away."

(Chapter two)

"Yes, Mr. Ryan."Lewis answered and opened the door."

A suggestion would be...

"Yes, Mr Ryan," Lewis answered and opened the door."

(Chapter four) 

"Be safe. Please." He answered..." 

A suggestion would be...

"Be safe, please," he answered..." 

There are more examples throughout all the other chapters.

Character development/ plot - 

(Chapter one - 'Same as Always') 

It's always hard to review about characters relating to a fanfiction I'm not aware of, but I'll give it a try. I'm guessing Ryan and Lewis have a really good friendship considering they finish each other's sentences. One wears the same outfit each day, and the other changes his outfit regularly. So, I'm getting Yin and Yang vibes.

(Chapter two - 'Heartbreak') 

In this chapter, I get more of a sense of Lewis's relationship with Ryan and how it's just a business friendship more than anything. I could be wrong, but I get a hint of jealousy as Lewis hides his feelings. 

I do feel like this scene is rushed, though. If you look at the basic outline of the chapter, as follows: 

Two men walk into the office.