Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

The Progress

Username: @rykimchi
Genre: Teen Fiction/ LGBTQ
Chapters: five chapters
Specific: What age demographic would be interested in this?
Book

Cover-
I think your cover looks cool. I see that you've placed your stickers in a relatively good spot, which is better than some people. I would suggest to put all the stickers displayed in a chapter within your book.
It's better for your cover to be seen (the whole cover) and as you build up as an author, you will gain more stickers to showcase.

Blurb-
Your blurb is perfect. It's in the right tenses and the right length. I don't know why there are random words in bold, but I assume that's to attract readers.

You mentioned when you first filled out the form that you didn't know the age demographics of your book. It's hard for me to say unless I read the whole book, but for the chapters I've read, I would say your book is aimed at young adults.
There is a way to check on Wattpad. You go to the stats of your specific book and this allows you to see the most popular ages of your audience. It may not be 100% accurate as Wattpad is now aimed for young readers, but I found with my own book that it worked.

Grammar-

(Chapter Four)
A tense change here...
"... the same moron that gave the speech last night walking up to the podium."

A suggestion would be...
"... the same moron that gave the speech last night walked up to the podium."

Your grammar and punctuation is pretty much flawless in the first three chapters. I noticed some errors after chapter three onwards. I've left some inline comments, but a suggestion could be to give them a quick read to see if there are any more that are visible to the eye.

Punctuation-
(Chapter Three)
I haven't noticed up until now, but you use commas in action tags. This is quite a common mistake, but easily fixable.

Your example...
"Come on," she grabbed my hand..."

This should be...
"Come on." She grabbed my hand..."

Tip- Only use comma in speech tags after direct speech/ dialogue. A full stop when it's an action.

Character Development/ Plot -

On a side note - Your face claims are beautiful. I like that each one is a different colour, capturing the essence of the character. (Or maybe you just did that for an effect, either way, it looks cool).

(Chapter One)
You set up the characters perfectly, from the car ride to the camp, you briefly touch on every character. The dialogue sounds realistic too.

You mention that the main characters has green eyes, but you describe her later as having dark eyes like a vampire. I would probably clarify this.

(Chapter Two)
One thing that stood out was the diverse characters, bringing the story to life. I love this.
Each segment of the characters piece together easily, allowing the reader to flow from one to the other.

(Chapter Three)
Stephanie and Minhyuk are similar. They both have anger issues, or they act out without thinking.

Wow, the tally scheme is a little harsh. But I love the way you have set up the camp and it's strict rules for those that find it hard to oblige.

I'm wondering if the parents knew beforehand what they were signing their children in to. It's literally a matter of life and death and survival of the fittest.

(Chapter Four)
I love Minhyuk's inner dialogue. He is quite humours.

I'm confused about the classes and how they work. I don't know why, but I didn't really expect them to have ordinary classes at this camp. Maybe they aren't ordinary, and turns out to be a survival game. Couldn't they just look at their past grades to determine what classes they are best at? It would save all that time.

I was confused on who Nick was. You don't introduce him, so when he says, "Damn you, Nick," I'm like... whose Nick?
I see that you will explain about this later, but a suggestion could be to introduce this a little earlier so it doesn't feel so abrupt.

(Chapter Five)
I like the not-so-subtle signs of a relationship brewing between Santiago and Minhyuk.

It is a little weird how he managed to smuggle in a pocket knife without getting caught. I would have thought with their strict rules, that they would have body searched or had a metal detector. I also don't know how he managed to smuggle in alcohol too.

Overall enjoyment-
I really enjoyed the chapters and the banter between Santiago and Stephanie. Minhyuk is my favourite character. You've developed him well.

Things you could focus on are...
-1- Character voice - I say this because you use multiple POV's and that's difficult to make each character with a unique voice. I misread the name at the start and thought it was Stephanie's POV because of the sarcastic and inner dialogue, when it was actually Minhyuk's POV. They are both quite similar with attitude.

-2- Pacing (in some parts) - like the exam and the exercising on the treadmill was a little fast. I think time passed, but I'm not sure how much time. A suggestion could be that Minhyuk could check the time on the wall or the stopwatch goes off on the machine.

You've done a great job and I wish you all the best with your writing journey!

Feel free to ask me any questions.

Please check "The Progress," if you have time. Thank you for requesting this review.