Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

A Sacrifice to Remember

Username: @Kintenara
Genre: Romance
Chapters: 5 chapters
Specific: Overall
Book

Cover-
I quite like your cover. It shows romance and fits the genre well. I didn't know what to expect, but as I continued reading, it seems like a toxic love triangle is about to happen.

Blurb-
Your blurb sounds good, but there isn't a mention of Matilda. If she is an Antagonist or effects the plot significantly, I think she should be mentioned. 

I haven't seen any sacrifices made in the first five chapters, so maybe that will come later.
The baggage that follows Liam - are you talking about Matilda?

Grammar -
(Chapter One)
Your example...
"...I'm glad to say that I experienced it, I experienced the darker and brighter side of love."

There is repetition in this sentence. I would try to avoid using repetition by using a different word that has a similar meaning.

There is also a shift of tenses. "I'm" and "I've" is present tenses. You are writing majority in the past tense, so this is something to remember when editing your chapters.

A suggestion could be...
"...I was glad to say that I had experienced it, encountering the darker and brighter sides of love."

🌸

Another tense switch here.
Your example...
"I would say fate brought us together, that is if you called a mixed order of coffee fate."

"Is" - is used in the present tense

A suggestion could be...
"I would say fate brought us together from a mixed coffee order at (insert coffee shop name)." 

Note- Try to keep your sentences and your words precise.

🌸

Your example...
"My boss is an absolute slave driver..."

You are switching tenses.

A suggestion could be...
"My boss was an absolute slave driver..."

Another example of switching to the present tense is seen in this sentence.
"Mia always covers for me when he's doing rounds checking on those who are lagging and I cover for her too especially when one of us arrives late."

A suggestion here could be...
"Mia always covered for me when he was doing rounds, checking on those who were lagging. I covered for her too, especially when one of us arrived late."

🌸

You use a lot of exclamation marks when they aren't needed. Somebody else commented about that. I would just stick to one or two per chapter. Only use them when you want to show the reader emphasis, otherwise, most cases you can emphasise the meaning through the character's tone of voice or action to show their emotion.

(Chapter Two)
Tip- Try to minimise "ing" words. Most of the time, you don't need them. Removing them makes your writing more precise. This is also because you use "looking" twice.

For example...
"I was so angry that I was looking for a way out, I wanted to go far away from here without looking back."