Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Wish You Were Gay

Username: @lies_0f_life
Chapters:  5 chapters
Genres: LGBTQ
Specific: How good the story actually is.
 Book

Cover -

Since your book is about LGBTQ, I think it would benefit if you had girls on the cover, either two best friends or silhouettes to showcase attraction between friends.

Blurb -

I was a little surprised that there was no blurb as such. I would advise to write a blurb about your OC and to talk about specific things that happen, building a premise of the story.

Readers won't necessarily pick up a book on a whim with no blurb.

Grammar -

(Chapter One)

I would try to avoid repetition in the same sentence as this can either disrupt the flow or make the sentence weaker. 

Your example...
"It soon stopped ringing but it started soon after."

A suggestion could be...
"It stopped ringing, but after a few minutes, it started again."

🌺

Another repetition you use is of the word "looked." 

Your example...
"Soon I made it to my house and I looked back..."
"... I could see what she actually looked like."
"The woman looked to be in her early thirties."
"It looked like she had long black hair..."
"... they were very bright and looked intelligent..."
"But they also looked like they have seen to many things."

(Hopefully you can see the issue here. I didn't go hunting for them, these are all examples from just two paragraphs straight after each other, signalling a problem).

Tip - Even If English isn't your first language, you can search up synonyms for looked. You have so many alternatives that can vary the structuring. 

Examples are ... glared, glazed, stared, glanced, examined, peeped, focused...

Suggestions could be...
"Soon I made it to my house and I glanced back..."

"The woman appeared to be in her early thirties." (maybe show why he thinks she is this young). Does she wear make up? Glowing skin?

"She had long black hair..."  (I removed the "looked" because you don't need it. Try and be more specific because "looked" can be a filler word).

(Chapter Two)

I couldn't really understand this sentence. 

Your example...
"From up front I couldn't really see her skin tone but up close it was just barely pale and I could freckles that would stand out in the summer."

Usually, skin tone is the first thing you will notice when you see somebody. Considering she can see Bianca's deep eye colour, I'm sure she can notice if she is pale or not.

A suggestion could be...
"From afar, I couldn't see her features, but when she stepped closer, I spotted the freckles on her pale skin that stood out in the summer."

(Chapter Three)

Your example...
"... it somehow straitened itself..."

It should be ... "...straightened itself..."

You do this twice.
Don't forget that the internet is your best friend. You can use Grammarly or Google for spelling.