Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Maryn

Author: @QueenVadamerca

Chapters: 5 chapters

Genre: Horror

Specific: Everything (thoughts on characters)

Cover-

I love the cover, and I see that it fits the genre pretty well. It's a little eerie and dark, but that fits the story you're going for.

Blurb-

I love this line. It's short and sweet, but it tells us everything that we should expect if we read further.

"The sinner becomes the saint."

Your blurb is great. I couldn't find any fault. You briefly tell us about Maryn, conflict, and you pose the questions at the end, hooking the reader.

Grammar-

(Chapter One)

Your example...

"While it's entirely possible for him to come back, it's very unlikely."

Because you're writing in the past tense, I recommend removing "it's," as this makes the sentence present tense.

A suggestion could be...

"While it was entirely possible for him to come back, it was very unlikely."

or to be more precise with meaning, another suggestion could be...

"While he can come back, it was unlikely."

✿

Your example...

"I was back on the floor in front of the woman, and Matthew fell to the ground, the delayed result of my slamming into him."

This may just be me, but I think this might be better, "...the delayed result of me slamming into him."

(Chapter two)

I'm not an expert but using were can sometimes make sentences passive. It's best to avoid using too many was or were when it might not be needed. To check this, you can find a online grammar checker that tells you if the sentence is passive or not. I use Grammarly or Hemingway Editor which is also free. 

Your example...

"We were stopped at a red light that seemed to taunt us."

A suggestion could be...

"We stopped at a red light that seemed to taunt us."

Or

"We had stopped at a red light that seemed to taunt us."

(Chapter Three)

I spotted a small typo that can help you when you come to editing.

Your example...

"Flies buzzed around all around it..."

A suggestion could be...

"Flies buzzed all around..."

You don't have to indicate "it" because in the sentence before you talk about the aluminium object. So, it's still clear that you're talking about the fliers swarming around the object.

Punctuation-

I didn't spot any mistakes. 

Character Development/ plot –

Chapter one was very well-written. I loved how you describe the demon in the first half. Your descriptions are what makes the chapter vividly entertaining, that and the dialogue between Matthew and Maryn. Your metaphors are superb, comparing the man's body/ skin as though a leech had sucked him dry.

Maryn's character seems more relaxed, cocky and a little confident with the ladies. Matthew, on the other hand, appears to be reserved.

I like the twist on the story with a former demon tracking them down instead.

You start chapter two in the third person as a sort of flashback. I'm trying to work out if it's Maryn talking or if it's a third-person omniscient point of view. It's intriguing and builds up the suspense as the reader tries to figure out who the girl is and who, or what is watching her.

We gather quite a few things from this chapter about Maryn and how he is quite reserved about his feelings. Matthew is the polar opposite and doesn't mind showing his softer and vulnerable side - maybe because he is human.

Maryn's past seems sort of vague and that's intentional to keep the readers guessing. I think it has something to do with the specific demon he is trying to find and to get closure for whatever happened with the mystery girl, Julia.

I wondered how old James is because his speech and actions make him seem younger? I presume he is fairly younger than Matthew.

Towards the end of chapter two, we see Maryn's true colours come out because he gives in to his demonic emotions and lets them cloud his judgement. He seems to love Julia and makes me wonder if he has ever loved anybody quite as much. Even though he is a former demon, he does show some human qualities.

(Chapter three)

I loved the suspense and action towards the end of the chapter. I'm really starting to like their partnership that they have together.

Questions still arise as I keep wondering what Caranneth has to do with Maryn and what needs to be settled. You make Caranneth eerily scary, and the odd descriptions that you add in about the flies and the headless rats made it vivid as I can imagine the smell.

(Chapter four)

I found this chapter a little confusing because I don't know how Maryn can hear voices in his mind. Can demons mind read, or is this a flashback? I feel Caranneth will use Julia as a pawn to get to Maryn because he knows that he has feelings for her. We see a little insight into how their partnership formed. So far, your characters are moving at a good pace.

(Chapter five)

I hint a little bromance going on. I can't help but love them together and would be heartbroken if they ever stopped being partners. I also love the little humour added in, especially on Maryn's part. It's subtle but really adds to his witty character.

Overall enjoyment-

I tried to give an unbiased review because I've been a fan of this book since last year. It's been a while since I re-read the chapters and I think I only read three chapters last year. There were a few grammar mistakes very early on, but the rest are well-written with hardly any errors that I could point out. Your punctuation was great.

I found your characters relatable, witty and likeable. You also keep the suspense that surrounds Maryn and Caranneth.

Please continue with the book because you're doing a great job so far.

Keep up the good work!

If you have any questions, just let me know.

Feel free not to take my suggestions, but if you do, I hope you find them useful.

Thank you for letting me review your book. Please check "Maryn" if you've got time.