Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

His Aries Side

Username: _mochashay_

Genre: Romance/ Horror 

Chapters: 4 chapters 

Specific: N/A 

Book

Cover -

To be honest, I couldn't work out what the image is because it's not clear or realistic. Both the arm and blood doesn't look realistic or professional. While you don't have to be a professional, I do recommend getting a decent cover (on or off Wattpad). It's worth trying to make your cover as aesthetically pleasing as this will grab readers to want to read your book. Sadly, people do judge a book by its cover. There are quite a few good users on Wattpad that make covers. If you need any recommendations, DM me. 

The title and name should be clear and easy to read. Instead of squishing it into a small space, use up some of the free black background. 

Blurb -

There are some sentences that need to be reworded. 

A suggestion could be... "Since birth, Danielle has always been isolated. She's delusional that this state of mine she is in is new." 

Grammar -

(Chapter One)

In some places, you stick with the same sentence structure and the start of sentences. I know the struggles of how to vary sentence starters and you can't quite find the right word that fits, so 'The' seems like a good choice. But there's a problem if you start each sentence with 'The' in the same paragraph. It can become redundant. 

Your examples...

"The gym wasn't so big..." 

"The walls were brick..." 

"The dark brown wooden floor..." 

"The school was very poor..." 

"The locker rooms were on opposite sides..." 

These sentences are all in the same paragraph and all sound the same. I'm not saying you have to re-write all of them, but scatter them in other paragraphs, or make compound/complex sentences. 

Only describe the things that are relevant at the time and what your character/ narrator can see (if in the 3rd person). What I mean by this is, I don't think it's relevant to talk about the broken basketball hoops since we're not put into the action of them playing basketball, or the uniform for all the different grades as this was a little confusing. 

(Chapter Two)

You do have issues regarding tenses. In chapter one, most of the chapter is in the past tense. In chapter two, you use both together. 

Here is an example...

"She cries even more blood and a mysterious black substance comes out of her arm almost like she was being consumed by a dark creature." 

Present tense - 'cries' 'comes'

Past tense - 'was' 'consumed' 

You need to try to stay consistent with just one tense. 

A suggestion in the past tense could be...

"She cried as blood descended her cheeks. A mysterious black substance drifted into the air from her arm like she was consumed by a dark entity."