His lucky charm

6 5 1
                                    

* This review may contain spoilers * 

Username: sakina_moiz 

Genre: Fanfiction

Chapters: 5 chapters 

Specific: Grammar & character development 

Book 


Cover - 

I think the cover is pretty! The charms fit with the title and I sense that they also relate somehow to the characters. 


On a side note,  your artwork is amazing! I love the take on your characters. 


Blurb - 

The blurb is a little long, but I also understand that you add a short description entailing the series for people that are unfamiliar with the fanfiction. Thank you for giving us an insight into the characters within the introduction. 

The blurb needs a lot of fixing as there are grammar mistakes and punctuation issues. Besides that, it's detailed. 


Grammar - 

(Chapter Three) 

Some of your sentences need rewording or rephrasing. 


For example...

"a model she was !" 


A suggestion could be...

"She was a model." 



Punctuation - 

(Chapter One) 

You do miss out on commas here and there. 


Here are a few examples...

"After an hour she rested her neck on her chair, thinking of Adrien, is he out of love with her?" 


A suggestion could be...

"After an hour, she rested her neck on her chair, thinking about Adrien. Did he fall out of love with her?" 


Another example...

"Chloe on the other side had lost all her development." 


A suggestion could be...

"Chloe, on the other hand, had lost all of her development." 


(Chapter Two) 

Your example...

{"If he doesn't have time for a single breakfast , then I might as well not eat it myself....." ,"}


A rule of thumb is to not put more than two punctuations together. 


Here is another example...

{"WAIT ! adrien , please finish your breakfast , its necessary ".} 


* Remember that {it's} = it is 

Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}Where stories live. Discover now