Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Into The Forest

Author: @I_Dxnt_Even_Knxw

Chapters: 5 chapters

Genre: Fantasy/ Dark Fantasy

Specific: Grammar and Sentence structure

Sentence Structure:

Chapter One -

I notice that some sentences are passive, and we should try to write with an active voice. Passive voice basically means that the sentence is worded in a way that makes it difficult for the readers to understand.

"It was decided then that the entire kingdom was invited to feast and party in the great hall."

This appears to be passive. All you need to do is to reword the sentence to make it seem clearer.

Here is my example, which you can use if you want to.

"With a feast in the great hall, the entire kingdom was invited to join in with the festivities."

This sentence sounds cleaner but also conveys the same meaning as your original sentence.

(I have trouble with passive voice, so I use a free grammar online checker or Grammarly).

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Another example I found of passive voice was this sentence.

"Soon after, the doors were opened, and the hall flooded with people of all ages."

Some of the commas are in the wrong place.

Here is my example which you may use if you want to.

"Soon after the door opened, the hall flooded with people of all ages."

You write in the past tense, and it's quite common to keep using "was" or "were," but this can also create a passive voice.

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A great way to help with sentence structure is by varying the lengths of your sentences. I noticed you like to use a lot of short sentences, which is great but can make this appear monotonous. That's why punctuation is important.

An example I found.

"Everything fell silent. It was just a young princess and the baby."

Here is my example which you may use if you want to.

"Silence filled the room as it was just the princess and the baby."

This doesn't change what you wrote originally but gets rid of the short sentence.

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Chapter Two-

"It poured with rain, and when I mean pour, I mean like rocks falling from the sky type of pour of rain."

I know what you meant when you tried to describe the rain. This seems a little unclear and a little repetitive with the word "pour."

An example could be this.

"It poured with rain and when I mean pour, I meant the rain pelted from the sky."

Pelted means heavy rain.

A way to improve could be to search up words with similar meanings. You described the rain to be heavy like falling rocks. If you type "another word for heavy rain" into google, lots of similar words should appear. This will help widen your use of vocabulary.