Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

14 Days

                                                              (Bookworms Community Reviews) 

Author: @pettysmut

Chapters: 3 chapters

Genre: Short Story/ LGBTQ

Specific: Everything

Cover-

I like your cover of the boy smelling flowers. It's simple. I don't know what the story is about just by the cover, but we shouldn't always judge a book by its cover.

My impression is that I always imagine a girl receiving flowers from her lover and smelling them. Maybe the roles are reversed, and since this is LGBTQ, this could be a hidden concept within the cover.

Blurb-

"In which two boys fall in love within 14 days."

I find this to be a little too short for a blurb. A blurb is supposed to attract the readers to choose your book out of the thousands here on Wattpad.

I would suggest adding a little more information about the main character and a little about what happens during the story but not revealing too much.

Grammar-

(Prologue)

There is nothing wrong with the words you have used here. I would, however, place the words differently in this sentence to make it sound better.

Your example...

"...a woman came up to them and pulled gently his mother away."

A suggestion would be...

"...a woman came up to them and gently pulled his mother away.

 ✿

This sentence sounds lovely and beautiful as if it should be a metaphor, but it took me a few minutes to understand the meaning. Sometimes adding simple, yet efficient words make the sentence appear clearer.

Your example...

"Petals dripping with melancholy bloomed from every pore on his flesh..."

I think I might be a little dumb, but I couldn't understand this sentence, and I even tried to split it up.

"Petals dripping..." - I think maybe you meant "Petals fell..." because petals don't drip.

"Melancholy" can be sadness and sorrow. So, the petals fell with sadness.

"Bloomed" is more of a happy word when flowers bloom, they start to grow, so adding that contradicts "melancholy."

I don't understand how they grew from his pores on his skin.

I would just reword this sentence but try to keep the same meaning.

My suggestion would be...

"The petals fell one by one on his shoulders. The edges started to curl up, making them appear lifeless and old."

You don't have to use my example. I'm just trying to explain that simple is good too and makes it easier for the readers to understand rather than using fancy words, which makes the text harder.

✿

Your example...

"Mourns escaped his lips now and then..."