Chloe's Book Reviews {CLOSED/ HIATUS}

Moonlight Kingdom

* This review may contain spoilers * 

Username: TheCurlyGirlAuthor

Genre: Romance/ Fantasy 

Chapters: 5 chapters 

Specific: Is it interesting? 

Book 

Cover - 

While I don't dislike the cover, I do feel like you could improve it. The image is okay, but perhaps the title font could be bigger as the 'moonlight' is pretty small - smaller than the 'kingdom,' unless that was intentional. I would also suggest putting your name on the cover. It doesn't have to be your real name, but a pen name. 

Blurb - 

I thought your blurb was great! 

Grammar - 

I didn't spot any errors in grammar!

Punctuation - 

(Chapter Two)

Remember when you use an action tag, there should be a full stop and not a comma. 

Your example...

"I know we don't, but we needed something new," Stacy shrugged." 

A suggestion would be...

"I know we don't, but we needed something new." Stacy shrugged." 

(Chapter Four) 

Here's another example...

"A driver," Dakota laughed." 

A suggestion would be...

"A driver." Dakota laughed." 

(Chapter Five) 

Another example...

"I'm not sure," Ray shook her head..."

A suggestion would be...

"I'm not sure." Ray shook her head..." 

Character Development/ plot - 

(Chapter One)

This chapter made me feel a few emotions whilst reading. I like how you didn't info dump straightaway with an introduction into her life. You created a perfect balance while directing us on her journey as she delivers a pizza to Dakota, the main mysterious man. 

(Chapter Two)

I love that Ray loves her body shape and knows she doesn't have to change to fit in with today's society or for anybody else, for that matter. You have diverse characters that all have a range of different ethnicity - that's also something I love. The ending of this chapter was pleasantly surprising. I didn't think that would happen and I can't wait to find out where the mirror leads them. 

(Chapter Three) 

It's a clever idea how Dakota lured Ray through the mirror and into his kingdom. It's something she would have never done without Stacy and Frankie, and I loved how they were under a spell, making them forget that Ray was with them. It's beautifully thought out. But I'm still wondering why Dakota picked Ray and why he is infatuated with her? I think it's because what he desires and wants, he gets. 

I really love the concept of how the Moonlight Kingdom is a city of a mirror image of New York that nobody knows about and the only way to get there is via the mirror. 

(Chapter Four) 

You did a good job mirroring Ray's distraught throughout the whole process. Her emotions are relatable after finding out that Dakota rules everything in his kingdom, and that includes her. 

I was about to ask what mystical creature Dakota was but then you mentioned he trained himself by using special powers. That makes sense about how he's human, but all so powerful. The world-building is incredible because you've created a unique concept and it's interesting to read about the Scambrasions. 

(Chapter Five) 

I almost feel bad for Dakota because he's doing all that he can to provide for her, but after all his attempts, she keeps wanting to leave and go home. I'm happy that they kissed. Maybe that's because you set good foundations for the readers to actually like Dakota and ship their strange relationship. 

Overall Enjoyment - 

I love the premise of your story! I love how you make Dakota realistic, not ugly, but not drop-dead gorgeous like the rest of the 'bad boys' on Wattpad. Having said that, Dakota is a sweetheart. Nothing like a bad boy, really. He is very considerate of Ray's feelings and the situation he has placed her in. There's something interesting about how he wants to protect Ray, a human, when he hasn't done anything like that before. It definitely makes me want to read on. 

Things I suggest you could improve are: 

-1- Punctuation - Comma and action tags - This is a minor issue because it looks like you've edited thoroughly, but you occasionally use commas with action tags when it should be a full stop. I left some examples under the appropriate categories. Other than that, both your grammar and punctuation were great!

Keep writing & I wish you all the best on your writing journey! 

Thank you for requesting this review & I hope it helps you in some way. Please check, "Moonlight Kingdom," if you have time.