Author: @Chelsi198
Chapters: 8 chapters
Genre: Mystery/Adventurous/Action
Specific: Everything
Book
Cover-
The cover is quite simplistic and fits in with the Mystery genre. The only thing I would suggest would be to change the placement of the Author's name. I would perhaps place it towards the bottom of the book.
I don't have much knowledge of design or typography, but I would use a different font that could entice and capture the readers' attention.
Blurb-
I don't find anything wrong with your blurb. Great job!
Grammar-
(Chapter One)
Just be careful with tenses. You switch tenses in this sentence.
Your example...
"I wished I hadn't worn my favourite hoodie, it's orange, and I'm sure those things could spot me from a mile away."
You are writing in the past tense, but with "it's," and "I'm," these are common in the present tenses.
A suggestion would be...
"I wished I hadn't worn my favourite hoodie because it was orange. I was sure those things would spot me from a mile away."
✿
Here is another example.
Your example...
"I tried my best to whack them away with my arms and ignore the stinging pricks."
I would change "ignore" to "ignored."
✿
Some of your sentences are a little awkward. This is fixed by rewording your sentences and changing the structuring.
Your example...
"The inhumanly grunts and growls from farther back behind me did not diminish."
You tend to repeat some words in the same sentence that have the same meaning. "...farther back behind me..."
A suggestion would be...
"The inhuman grunts and growls from behind me didn't diminish."
I would be more specific with what you're trying to say.
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I would advise reading over the chapter before you publish because there are a lot of small typos.
Here are a few examples...
"...I tried my hardest not to breath."
"This was the end, I knew I'd be rent to shreds."
Suggestions would be...
"...I tried my hardest not to breathe."
"This was the end, afraid that they would rip me to shreds." (I changed this sentence because "I'd be" is passive).
(Chapter Two)
I've noticed a few typo mistakes where you've mixed the "it's" and "its." I'm hoping you know the difference because you don't always do this, and could be a typo.
Your example...
"It was two times a wolfs size and it's grey fur had lines almost resembling a tiger."
A suggestion would be...
"It was two times a wolfs size, and its grey fur had lines almost resembling a tiger."
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Your example...
"My body was partially covered by some bush that was near, but not completely."
You don't have to use partially and completely in the same sentence. You should use less and precise words that can convey the same meaning.
A suggestion could be...
"I partially covered myself from a nearby bush, afraid it had spotted me."
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You change tenses here.
Your example...
"That's when I saw..."
A suggestion could be...
"That was when I saw..."
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Again, I don't know if this is a typo, but you need to know the difference between "your" and "you're."
Your example...
"I'm amazed that your still alive."
This should be "...you're still alive."
(Chapter Three)
Your example...
"...but the animal would not loose its grip."
I think you meant, "...loosen its grip."
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The sentence formation can be awkward at times, but by rearranging some of the words, the sentences become clearer and easier to read.
Your example...
"It yanked me down and started pulling me, legs first into the woods and scrapping my bare skin on the dirt and sharp rocks."
A suggestion could be...
"It yanked me down and started pulling me into the woods by my legs, scrapping my bare skin against the sharp rocks."
(Chapter Four)
Remember to keep some of your sentences simple and try not to overcomplicate things.
Your example...
"Now, I could hear branches and twigs snapping beneath the feet of however it was."
Did you mean whoever?
A suggestion could be...
"The branches and twigs snapped beneath its feet."
(Chapter Five)
Your example...
"We had been camped here for a few days."
This is grammatically incorrect because of the tenses.
A suggestion would be...
"We had camped..."
"We camped here for a few days..."
Punctuation-
I only found a few errors regarding punctuation.
Character Development/ plot –
(Chapter One)
You have a good hook, instantly pulling the reader in. All the while, I'm wondering what/who she killed.
I'm wondering how they invaded the place and how the protagonist ended up in the glade.
(Chapter Two)
I find the name "Sifer-Linx" unique and a great fit for the story.
I'm intrigued to know how the man survived for so long. The mysteries are starting to unfold, and it carries my interest on to the next chapter. Is it a coincidence that they both have blue symbols, or did someone place them on them for a reason?
Dialogue could be added when Te'an was telling her about his grandfather teaching him to shoot. There was too much telling through the narration.
(Chapter Three)
There is a small skip where it's been a few days of her meeting the other members of the group. A suggestion would be to not have a time skip because it would be nice for the reader to see the interactions of the other members of the group and their thoughts on Kiara.
I love the added drama in the middle of the chapter. I wasn't expecting the creature to capture her. I honestly have no idea how she is still alive until now.
I'm literally mind-blown from this chapter because I didn't expect the rapid turn of events.
(Chapter Four)
Tip - You can write her thoughts in italics.
"Suck it up Kiara, you know everything is gonna be just fine."
This is from her inner thoughts. It should either be separated from the main narration or written in italics.
This chapter probably was the best so far, but still, you have to check for the typos. Some of them can be distracting.
It's starting to remind me of "The Maze Runner," and "The Hunger Games."
(Chapter Five)
I liked the humour in this chapter. Some parts of the chapter were funny. I'm starting to get used to the side characters, especially Skylar.
I think Te'an likes Kiera, and she secretly likes him back.
(Chapter Six)
What's wrong with Skylar? His personality changes here and his true colours start to come out.
It's nice to see that Te'an and Luke defended Kiara.
(Chapter Seven)
I don't quite understand why Ethan has been so quiet. If I'm honest, I actually forgot about him as a character, and I wondered if you did that for a reason. He doesn't say a word during the argument, but the fact that he isn't even described much throughout the later chapters worries me. The readers won't be able to warm up to his character if you purposefully leave him out.
(Chapter Eight)
I wonder why Sean doesn't have a symbol, but the others do?
Why would they want Sean and what properties does the symbol have?
I know you don't describe the characters on their appearance because you want the readers to imagine how they look like, but sometimes this makes it harder for the reader to picture them.
All readers aren't the same. Some are visual readers, and they like to have descriptions that feed into their imagination. Others will picture them however they want. It's best to be in the middle to please all readers. Of course, it's up to you.
Overall enjoyment-
It took me several chapters to get sucked in, although I loved your opening chapter. The hook was great.
It does remind me of other films I've watched, but even so, I quite enjoyed reading until the end. Please continue writing the rest of the book.
Things to focus on...
1 - Checking work - Please check before you publish, even double-check. I triple check my work. It's so easy to make mistakes, but it's also easier to fix them.
2 - Grammar - Sentence formation. Some of your sentences needed rewording and shuffling for an easier read. (Check some of the examples I used in the grammar section).
3 - Descriptions - Your characters lack descriptions, not just appearance but personality too. I liked Skylar because he was humourous and you showed that efficiently through his dialogue. I'm afraid that if you don't use descriptions to help your characters shine, I'm not sure that they will be 3-D.
I hope you're able to continue writing and that you finish the book.
Great job so far!
If you have any questions, just let me know.
Feel free not to take my suggestions, but if you do, I hope you find them useful.
Thank you for letting me review your book. Please check, "Into The Glades, " if you've got time.