Chapter 66: Human Holidays Are Weird
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Thanksgiving
"Ok, so there was Halloween and now it's this. What holiday is it this time?"
"Well," William started after stuffing his face with a big spoonful of mashed potatoes. "It's Thanksgiving."
"What is Thanksgiving again? Or did I ever learn about that one?" I mused quietly.
Epps snickered. "Girl you gotta catch up." He said, before digging into his own plate at the same pace as Will.
Humans. Some hungry creatures.
I eyed the two army men on either side as I waited for a well-deserved answer which didn't seem to come sooner than I expected.
"Well?"
The two children snatched their attention from their plates and looked at me in confusion with a mouth full of human food like an innocent child. "What?"
"Aren't you gonna tell me what Thanksgiving is?"
"Ohh!" They both exclaimed in unison.
Humans. Some slow creatures.
Will wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and cleared his throat dramatically. "So you see, Thanksgiving is based on family and friends coming together eating on a big feast and telling what you are thankful for."
"That's it?"
"Basically," Epps said over the chatter of the cafeteria.
"Why do humans celebrate this holiday?"
"Don't know. It has something to do with pilgrims and stuff."
"Yep," Will replied idly.
"Y'know I'm being sent to school to learn about your culture yet you know nothing about it."
"Hey, I've been out of school for almost a decade!" Epps tried to defend through a mouthful of peas.
Yet you're in the military.
After swallowing his food, William had decided to come to his defense. "He's right. It's been a while."
"But this is your planet. You should know things."
"I do know things, Liz," William said, finishing the last of the tray.
"Then what's a pilgrim?" I asked, crossing my arms and waited for a stupid answer.
"Umm...colonists?"
"What's a colonist?"
"....Early American?"
What's an early American?!
"You ask a lot of questions lil' girl," Epps stated as he picked at his teeth. "Ask something else."
"Fine. Between you and IronHide who would win a fight?"
Epps suddenly burst out into explosive laughter. "Is that even a question?! Hide would beat his a-"
The other human huffed in annoyance. "Ok, ask questions that don't involve IronHide."
Humans are confusing.
"Why is my school decorated with baskets full of lumpy vegetables?"
"Squash?"
What?
"Squash? What did you squash?"
"No Liz, that's not what I meant." He laughed. "The 'lumpy vegetables' you see are called gourds. They're part of the holiday."
"What's the point of them?"
"I don't know." He mumbled. "Some kind of food offering?"
My eyes nearly rolled to the back of my head as a sigh managed to escape on its own. "Your planet that you know nothing about."
"You sound like Sarah. It's like you're shaming me for not being able to speak Cybertronian."
"You should be ashamed for not knowing about your own culture."
"Do you really expect me to know the origin of every holiday?"
Epps scoffed and pushed his empty tray aside. "Nah. He just knows nothing."
"You hush. It's not like you know anymore."
"I bet I do."
"I bet you don't."
"Prove it."
"Fine then. Ask me a question." Epps dared.
"You two sound like Sideswipe and Sunstreaker. Can you stop arguing?" I asked, oblivious to the fact they weren't even listening.
Will pointed an accusing finger at the other man. "He started it."
"Nu-Uh! You started it!"
"Did not, it was you!"
"He started it first! I'm completely innocent!"
"Liar!"
"Man, I may be a lot of things, but I'm not a liar!"
"Well, you just proved you're one today!"
"Just because Liza is between us does not mean I will reach across this table and strangle you!"
"Go ahead and try it! Let's see who going to be flat on their...butt!"
"See look at ya! Almost cursed in front of a child. Darn shame."
"Like I didn't hear you curse around her before!"
"I lost count of how many times Sarah has knocked you upside your head for cursing around Annabelle!"
"Less than you!"
"Now you know that's a flat lie!"
I looked up and half of the cafeteria was indeed peering at the two fighting children in amusement.
My hands came up to ease the growing head as I dropped my head dramatically on the table.
I swear I'm surrounded by idiots.
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Christmas
"Bee?"
Said bot' paused his radio and stared at me questionably.
"Why is that every time near the end of the Earth year I see these trees and bright lights?"
My eyes were glued to the decorative and colorful trees that were placed throughout the hallways as we passed by.
Tiny little lights were hung along the walls and around the trees flickering and twinkling from color to color like stars. ⭐️
Sphere little glass balls of all colors and thick spiky strings were also placed around the base, but mostly on the trees.
:: Oh Bee, you forgot already?:: A clip of Mikaela's voice played softly through his speakers. :: Christmas is coming up soon. That's why Ron and Judy are setting up lights in the yard.::
"I forgot about the human Christmas." I groaned. "Why didn't you remind me?
He just shrugged innocently.
"You're no help. Can you at least tell me what the humans do on this Christmas again?"
His radio came with a smug reply. ::...Nah.::
I glared at his smiling optics. "This just proves you're worthless."
:: Whatever man.::
"Fine, I'll just go find someone else to ask."
I headed inside the Rec Room with Bee following close behind and immediately the room was filled with 'oo's and 'awww's from nearby humans.
What?
Jazz, who happened to be there along with the Terror Twins, hopped up from his spot on the Cybertronian-sized couch and smiled with glee.
"Uh oh, you two. Ya know what that means?"
"What?"
He pointed upwards, leading our gaze to the leaves hanging in the middle of the doorway.
"What about it?" I asked, slightly puzzled.
"The humans call it a mistletoe and whoever you stand under it with, you have to kiss that person."
::...Say what?!::
"Huh?!"
I looked at Bee with a disgusted look, noticing a copy of my actions . We both took a few steps away from each other.
"I'd rather die."
:: Kill me, dude! Just kill...me!::
"Aww come on, ya gotta do it! Just a little peck on tha cheek?"
:: No!::
The humans present in the room groaned and 'awed'.
"Bad sport!" Jazz stuck his tongue at us and folded his arm with a fake pout. "Me and Prowler did it! No sweat!"
"First off, you two are bonded and we all know you probably forced or begged him to do it. Maybe both. Second, everyone knows Prowler isn't a fan of Public Affection. Third, I don't want to hear about you two kissing."
"We still did it!"
"Anyways, I didn't come here to listen about kissing, I came to ask someone who knows about Christmas."
"Well...the mistletoe is part of human Christmas."
"I'm not kissing Bee, dude."
"Sibling love?"
::...Yucky!:: Bee shook his whole body as if he was truly disgusted at the thought.
"I don't want to learn about the kissing thing. Can you just tell me about Christmas?"
"Why ya asking me? I'm an alien just like you."
"I would ask Epps and Will, but it ends up in an argument between them every time I ask a question. You, however, know more about the human culture than the rest of us, aliens, on this base, and also you can look stuff up on the internet."
"You can look stuff up too. Ya got your Cybertronian form."
"I don't know how to do that."
"Why don't you learn?" Jazz questioned.
"Why take up time now when I could get my answers right from you?"
"Well, I do know about this one chubby guy who dresses up in a red suit and flys around with this huge sleigh being pulled by reindeers and lands on top of people's houses."
"Isn't that stalker..ish?"
"Apparently not to tha humans. They call him Santa, I think. He eats sweets and stuff and goes 'ho, ho, ho'."
:: Hold on a minute....what?::
"So you mean to tell me that there's a big man in a red suit, sneaking around peoples houses, stealing treats and goes 'ho ho ho' in a sleigh pulled by some deers?"
"Reindeer." Jazz corrected. "And yep that's what the humans are tellin' me. "
Yup.
Humans holidays are weird.
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