(Bookworms Community Reviews)
Author: @meganwatkins101
Chapters: 3 chapters (Including Prologue)
Genre: Romance/ Young Adult
Specific: Everything
Cover-
The cover is cute and simple. I wouldn't say it's eye-catching, but it does fit the genre perfectly. The colour of the sky with that slight purplish colour fades in with the background, adding a nice eerie touch.
Blurb-
Your example...
"One day her simple life is changed completely..."
I don't know if it's just me, but this sentence sounded a little off. I think it's because you are writing in the present tense, but the 'changed' beside the 'is' makes it sound off. As I said, it might be me, but a suggestion would be this...
My suggestion...
"One day her simple life changes completely..."
I'm not sure if that sounds better, but that would be something I would probably write myself.
Other than that, your blurb is quite interesting and would make me want to have a quick read.
Grammar-
(Chapter One)
Your example...
"Our faces resembling one another but hers sharper and tidier."
I would consider changing the structure of this sentence as it sounds awkward.
'hers' is used as a personal pronoun (her's) which indicates when something belongs to her. For this sentence to make sense, I would be more specific with the details. What feature is sharper?
I would also remove tidier because I think there can be other words that express the same meaning, but sound better.
My suggestion would be...
"Mom has a larger nose and a strong jawline, but apart from that, our faces resemble one another."
NOTE- You don't have to use my example. I'm merely showing that being specific about facial features is better. It paints a better picture of the appearance of the characters. I noticed you talk about the difference with the colour hair, but don't forget the readers have nothing to go on about what each character looks like besides the colour hair.
✿
Your example...
"I catch my moms eye..."
My suggestion would be...
"I catch my mom's eye..."
I added an apostrophe because the eyes belong to the mom, just be careful with the possessive pronouns because in most cases, there needs to be an apostrophe to show something belongs to her mom.
(Mom's eyes. Mom's purse. Mom's toothbrush)
Additional note- try to play with different words. Using 'eye' is okay, but there are better words to use, such as 'gaze.'
"I catch Mom's gaze..."
"I catch my mom's stare..."
Using other words can help show off your choice of vocabulary and how good you are at word building.
(Chapter Two)
Your example...
"...they'll get their fair share of reporters from A! News but they're not recognizable everyone."
Again, the structure of your sentences is a little bit awkward when read.
My suggestion would be...
"...they get their fair share of reporters from the A! News, but they're not recognizable to everybody."
or
"...they get their fair share of reporters from the A! News, but not everybody recognizes them."
Punctuation-
(Chapter One)
I feel that sometimes you use too many commas in sentences which can often lead to confusing sentences and/or run-on sentences.
Your example...
"I thought at least Xander would help me, he's my older brother, he promised, but he's twenty-two now and still living with our parents."
My suggestion would be...
"I thought Xander would help me because he's my older brother and he promised, but he's twenty-two and still lives with our parents."
I added some conjunctions in and removed some commas to make the sentence structure sound clearer. If you have too many commas (they act like pauses) it can sometimes make the sentence sound jarring and choppy.
✿
In this sentence, you missed out a comma.
Your example...
"The truth of the matter is he's a twenty-two-year-old living trying to live out his dying dream of becoming a singer..."
My suggestion would be...
"The truth of the matter is, he's a twenty-two-year-old trying to live out his dying dream of becoming a singer..."
A tip- try to read your sentences out loud. This will make it easier for you to find the automatic pauses, so you can add the commas.
(Chapter Three)
Be careful about where you should place commas as some are missing in several sentences.
Your example...
"He wears black jeans and a white shirt that stuck to him nicely showing off his muscles."
My suggestion would be...
"He wears black jeans and a white shirt that sticks to him nicely, showing off his muscles."
✿
Another example...
"By the time he lets go Xander has appeared behind me."
My suggestion would be...
"By the time he lets go, Xander has appeared behind me."
Character Development/ plot –
You do a great job with showing the readers what Maddi meant to her. She was her best friend and sister. Any grieving for somebody you truly love is heartbreaking.
As I read some parts, I felt that I could connect with Theo. I found parts of your passages touching, and that's a great thing to achieve as a writer.
A suggestion would be to write a small paragraph leading us up to the moment Constellation gets in touch with them in chapter two. You included this later in the chapter, but I would include it before they meet them or start off the conversation with how they found their YouTube video. This makes the chapter appear smoother with the transition.
I get a small sense of Theo's character. She seems a little reserved and lacks self-esteem because she believes she isn't worthy. Her brother is shown to be the 'golden sibling' and that she wishes she could be more like Xander. There's nothing wrong wanting to be like her brother, but she has every equal opportunity to go with her brother because she has musical talent too. It's great that you showed that.
Overall Enjoyment-
I like the chapters I've read so far. The storyline isn't something original, but that's okay.
Your book definitely deserves more reads than it has.
Your main focuses would be:
• Punctuation (mainly commas) and to not overdo the commas. Instead, use conjunctions to help the flow.
• Sentence structure
•Search for synonyms to help improve the choice of vocabulary
Keep up the great work!
If you have any questions, just let me know.
Feel free not to take my suggestions, but if you do, I hope you find them useful.
Thank you for letting me review your book. Please check "A Thousand Details" if you've got time.