fuck this has been happening for the past three months for me. i'm scared of why i can't sleep, especially on days where i actually want to sleep but just can't because of my racing mind and i feel like i constantly have to do more that prevents me from sleeping. i'm not even stressed sometimes, i just can't sleep. last night, i turned off all my lights at 10:45 PM and fell asleep at 12:30 AM
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I look off into the darkness, trying to swallow my thoughts and go to sleep. Behind me, I can hear Thomas breathe into my ear softly. He's definitely asleep, his arms that used to be wrapped around my waist tightly aren't so tight anymore. I miss those arms.
My head starts to hurt a few minutes later. I hold it, curling up more into my own embrace.
"Alex?" A mumble comes from the boy behind me. Immediately, I go limp and pretend I'm asleep. After years of doing it, I've become accustomed to being able to do it. Thomas sighs, wrapping his arms tight around me, "I know you're awake." He hums lightly.
I uncurl from my embrace, still looking into the darkness.
"Okay, so I can't sleep!" I whisper-yell.
"Shh," Thomas whispers back, moving so we're in the middle of the bed and I'm not about to fall off, "Why can't you sleep?" I don't answer. He pokes my head, "Talk to me..."
"You said to 'shh.'" I respond, my eyes fully open.
"Go to sleep."
"I can't!"
"Why not?"
I whimper, "It's hard, you heartless monster. You wouldn't understand." I cross my arms childishly, turning, and burying my face in his neck.
Stroking my head softly, he asks, "What time is it?"
I squint at the clock in the corner of the room, a bright red light coming out of it.
"I need my glasses." I whisper, going back to burying my face in his neck.
He sits up, sighing, "One AM. Alex, why can't you sleep? It's been two hours."
I don't say anything.
"How can I get you to sleep?"
I don't actually know how, I usually fall asleep from sleepiness, but I mumble, "Hug me."
He hugs me tighter, kissing my head, and rolling us to the left side of the bed. I can practically his smile as I smile, letting my eyes fall close.
I fall asleep.
~~~
SEE MAYBE IF SOMEBODY DID THIS TO ME I WOULDN'T BE AN INSOMNIAC-