I know I am ill, everybody in town knows. My dark under eye circles and rapidly paling skin is only a small portion of the symptoms showing.
I wish I did not know that I was going to die, not because I am scared but because of how I know it will affect those around me.
They keep telling me that I will be fine, that I will live, but as of this moment I can hardly see me making it one more week.
"You do realise you do not have to spend every waking moment of every day with me right?" I raised my eyebrows as I turned on my side, leaning my elbows up so I could look at the man sitting on the chair opposite me.
"You do realise that I am not leaving this spot until you get better right?" Gwaine contradicted, his long locks spiralling down his head.
I sighed, pushing myself back down so I was lying on the comfortable mattress looking up at the celling above me. My thoughts cascaded over me, most of them gruesome and terrifying, as my eyes scanned across the patterns on the celling.
"What are you thinking about?" Gwaine's voice was like a beacon pulling my head towards him.
"Everything." I sighed, tears stinging my eyes. I closed them, willing the tears to soak back into my eyes, only to feel the bed dip and the presence of a body joining me on the mattress. Gwaine's arm snaked around my torso, lifting me gently as he pushed me into his chest, the tears freely flowing from my eyes.
"Shh." Gwaine's soothing voice brushed past my ear, his hand gently stroking across the back of my head. "It is all going to be okay."
"But what if it is not, what if I leave you, what if-" My own sobs cut me off as I screamed into his chest. All the worries and anxiety streaming out of my system until there was nothing left but fear.
"Look at me y/n," Gwaine whispered, moving his hands so he was no longer pushing me into his body. I shook my head in his chest, my own arms clinging tighter around his torso. "Look at me Love."
I took a deep breath before lifting my head, Gwaine's hand immediatly reaching out to brush away the tears that fell.
"You have to stop worrying about the what could or could not happen Y/n. You have to start living in the present, no matter how much you might dislike it."
"But I- I could die," My voice cracked as I whispered these words, feeling as small as a child as I did so. "I am dying Gwaine."
"But you are not living either, not really." He paused and I could physically see the cogs turning in his head as the next words escaped from his mouth before he could stop them. "Come live with me, come explore the world just you and me."
I could picture it in my mind, the two of us walking across streets hand in hand, sharing an accidental kiss as we tried new food, camping out under the stars, growing old and yet staying young, but I know that I cannot have any of it and deep down he knew it too.
"You know I cannot." I put my head back down on his chest, my arms wrapping bad and him and his wrapping around me.
"I know love, I know."